Page 17 of Bittersweet Revenge
Did Aislin get home okay? And why the fuck am I thinking about her? It’s not as if Tiernan won’t make sure she’s okay. Hell, it’s not like she doesn’t probably know how to do it herself. But it’s easier to think about her than him…the punishing grip of his fingers on my hips, the way he made my dick throb…
I grit my teeth, every memory making me hate him more yet at the same time crave something I can’t put my finger on.
When it becomes clear I’m not getting any sleep tonight, I quietly get out of bed and pull my sketchbook out from under it.
I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember. I got it from my dad. My mom said he used to want to be an artist. That he could draw or paint for hours. They’d talk about having their own place in the country or by the ocean, where he could create all day every day, away from all the violence.
It was a dream, of course. They both knew that would never happen, even if Sloan hadn’t done what he did, but she was good at that, at being happy about things she would never have, content to dream.
The bathroom door clicks quietly closed behind me. I turn on the light, sit on the floor with my back against the wall, open to a blank page, and start to draw—first a torso with no head. Just arms, a neck and chest…with dark splotches from a mouth all over them. The next piece is Tiernan against a tree, me having control over him the way I gave it to him tonight.
No matter how much I want to, I can’t make myself stop.
*
I don’t somuch as look at Tiernan for a couple of weeks. I’m not an idiot and know that if I push too hard, it’s just going to make him slam the door in my face.
If I’m being honest, I need a break from him too. It’s so much easier for me to…well, be me around him. I don’t have to try to be kind because his anger at the world seems to match my own. Though I don’t know what he has to be so angry about. He has everything he could ever want. He’s lived a privileged life. He’s the little lord who will one day be the king of his empire.
That’s what his name means. Little fucking lord.
But I have been keeping in touch with Aislin. It would be impossible not to, even if I tried. I can’t figure out what she’s playing at, if there’s a reason I don’t understand that makes her try to be my friend, or if she actually likes me. We only have the one class together, and she sits by me each time, and somehow, we end up texting daily. She’s hard to deny, a force of nature, but…sad too.
We’re in class now, and when it’s over, just like I assumed she would, she asks, “Want to have lunch?”
“Sure.” I shrug.
“Don’t sound too excited.”
I chuckle softly. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. At first, I took it personally, but I’ve come to realize that’s just how you are. You don’t have much experience with friends, do you?” I open the door for her to walk out. “Such a gentleman. Your mama must have raised you right.” She winks at me, and I immediately scowl. “Shit. I’m sorry. I forgot your mom passed away.”
My jaw aches, but I can’t seem to stop clenching it. I pull a deep breath into my lungs, then do my best to pretend I’m not freaking the fuck out. I don’t want any of their family to talk about mine. Ever.
“It’s fine.”
“Dean…seriously…”
“I said it’s fine,” I snap. Then curse. I’m so bad at this. “Now I’m sorry. I just…miss her.” I don’t know what else to say. I avert my gaze, feeling weighed down by vulnerability.
“You can talk to me about her if you want. I might not have experienced losing my parents, but I’ve lost people. A lot of people.”
Her father’s soldiers? Is that what she means? I also know Sloan used to have another brother besides Rian, and I know he died.
“Thanks, but I’m good.”
I shove my hands into my pockets as we walk to the café. While we grab food, I can’t stop myself from looking around to see if Tiernan is here.
“Something up?” she asks. I must look like I’m casing the place.
“Nah.”
We head outside to eat, and Aislin finds a spot under a tree. She sits across from me, then leans forward and pokes my neck. “My brother’s marks are finally fading. I can’t believe you hooked up with Tiernan. I thought for sure he didn’t have a chance with you.”
He shouldn’t have had a chance with me. I’m still fucked up in the head about what happened…and that even though I say I won’t, I’m not sure I wouldn’t do it again.
I shrug. “I needed to come. He was easy.”
