Page 104 of Tripped By Love
Marco
H.O.L.Y.
“You’re an angel, tell me you’re never leaving,
Cause you’re the first thing I know I can believe in.”
Performed by Florida Georgia Line
Written by Larsen / Cyphert / Busbee
I leaned up against the porchpost, staring into the backyard at the mix of people gathered there. Tristan and her friend Stacy lay on lounge chairs, discussing the latest parental debate at Stacy’s charter school. Hannah was twirling in the middle of the lawn along with Stacy’s kids, waitingto see who would fall over next. Chevelle had already hit the grass on his back and was giggling as the beads of Hannah’s shawl swung above him as she spun, and the puppy that Petri had brought home galloped over Chevelle as he tried to catch the fringe.
Jonas and Brady were in deep discussion about something on a sheet of paper spread in front of them on the picnic table. Jonas’s passion for music—or rather, for helping others make music—had only grown under Brady’s tutelage over the last month.
Arlene and Petri were oohing and awing over the new baby as Arlene bounced her in her arms. Aria was tiny with a cry that was equally little and yet somehow melodic. As if she was going to have the same kind of voice as her father and her sister.
Trevor and Stacy’s husband, Jin, were arguing over the barbecue that I was supposed to be manning. I hadn’t even argued when Trevor had taken the tongs from me. I wasn’t a cook or a grill master. I didn’t need to be when I had a chef living with me.
I’d just come back out of the house after having gone inside to answer an unknown number on my phone. The voice on the other end had constricted my heart?Petty Officer Warren. Cassidy joined me on the steps, wrapping her arms around my waist, and placing a kiss on my cheek.
“Who was it?” she asked.
“Petty Officer Warren.”
Her arms squeezed tighter, as if worried that the call would send me into a spiral. But over the last few weeks, lost in Cassidy’s arms at night and hugging Chevelle to my chest during the day, I’d already started to let go of the remorse, filling in the space with my love for them instead.My goal these days was to see how many smiles I could raise on their lips and Jonas’s. The best way to make amends with my past was to dedicate myself to loving them and bringing joy to the people in my present.
“Are you okay?” Cassidy finally asked, my silence spreading worry into her heart.
I turned in her arms, looked into her eyes, and nodded.
“Yes. But I was okay even before she called. More than okay. You’ve shown me how to live again. Love again. Be human again.”
Her throat bobbed as if holding back tears. She cupped her palm over my cheek and jaw.
“But I’m glad I heard from her,” I said. “She apologized…to me.”
Cassidy’s eyes widened.
“She said she was sorry that I’d lost my position for doing the right thing. That it had bothered her even at the time, but she hadn’t been able to really focus on anything but healing herself.”
Years of self-torture didn’t allow me to feel much more than a pinprick of relief at her apology. But in addition to my own realizations that I couldn’t continue to live with my regrets hovering like a rain cloud, the words had helped.
“She has a husband and a daughter. A job with the Department of Defense. She said looking forward, building a new reality, was the only thing that kept her going. She hoped I could do that as well. But she also hoped I’d understand that she didn’t really want to hear from me again. It was best for both of us to leave things where they were—in the past.”
Cassidy hugged me fiercely. The way she always did. Until the breath left us both.
“I’m glad you heard from her,” she said quietly.
I nodded, kissing her hair.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. She looked up, a frown between her brows that I rubbed away. “I wouldn’t have looked for her if you hadn’t suggested it. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to move beyond it. To turn my eyes to a future instead of replaying all my mistakes. You and Chevelle. Jonas and Maliyah. I want to be here fully for all of you. I don’t want to be lost in those memories.”
“You deserve a beautiful future, Marco,” she said with a soft smile. My mouth found hers, and like it always did when we touched, it caused everything else to disappear. The backyard, the sounds of laughter, and the voices all faded away as I lost myself in the heavenly scent and feel of Cassidy.
She laughed against my lips, pulling back a little and shooting an eye in the direction of the audience we had in the backyard. But none of them had even noticed.
“I’m sorry Maliyah couldn’t be here to help Jonas celebrate his birthday,” she said quietly as we both watched Jonas and Brady’s friendly argument.
