Page 19 of Tripped By Love
I tried not to let that thought take the air out of my chest, but it was almost impossible. My heart grieving for something that might not happen. Grieving not only for all of us, but for Marco because he liked his job. He was built to protect others.
What would I say to Clayton when he showed up and asked where my boyfriend had disappeared to? He would know we’d lied. He’d see it as a weakness he could exploit.
I hated myself for making it about me when this was about Marco and someone he cared about.
ME: Is she going to be okay?
MARCO: They expect her to make a full recovery, but it could take longer than the last time.
I debated my next question for too long. Typing, deleting, typing again.
ME: How are you holding up?
He didn’t reply, and I had to go back to the kitchen as the lunch wave started to roll in.It didn’t stop me from wondering if the brave man I knew was actually crumbling inside and afraid to let it show. He protected everyone else, but who was there to protect him?
???
My brother’s living room was full of activity. The sounds and voices seemed to bounce off each other, making my tired head ache. Hannah was at the piano, a soft tune dancing from the keys while, behind her, Chevelle tugged on a dog toy in Molly the terrier’s mouth. She play-growled, and he giggled. Mom and Tristan were oohing and ahhing over nursery room images. Brady and Dad were discussing which of the bands who’d just played at the annual music festival he and Tristan ran should be invited back. The similarity in their frames and bent heads would have screamed their relationship even if you hadn’t known they were related. Dad was simply an older, more wrinkled version of my brother.
While I loved every single one of them, the competing noises only increased the pain that had started behind my eyeballs somewhere mid-afternoon. I should have said no to dinner at Brady’s. I should have told Mom I’d pick up Chevelle and take him home, but if I had, they all would have been worried that something was wrong. I’d been lucky no one had mentioned my fall at the restaurant to Mom yet, and I didn’t want to give them a reason to tell her now.
Outside the front window, one of Brady’s protection detail moved on the porch, the shadow changing the way the fading sun came in through the glass. The sight of the bodyguard only made my chest squeeze tighter, worry coasting through me because Marco still hadn’t responded.
“Cass?” Brady’s voice called me back from my thoughts as he landed on the couch beside me. I turned from the window to smile.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“You’re far away tonight,” he said, which caused all the grown-up eyes to land on me. Mom’s brows furrowed while Dad’s went up.
“Just a lot on my mind,” I said, trying to ease everyone’s concern.
“Is it about Lance Ralley? Marco and Trevor haven’t gotten back to me about him yet, but Lee said he hasn’t uncovered anything negative about him or Earth Paradise.”
“What’s all this?” Mom asked.
I glared at Brady, punching him on the arm before reaching up to flick his ear. He tucked it up against his shoulder, hiding it from me with a grin. “Sorry, I didn’t know you hadn’t said anything.”
“There’s a man who wants to buy my recipes and produce them for grocery stores,” I said.
Mom and Dad looked stunned.
“Well…that’s…that’s…” Mom blustered away, but it was Dad who filled in the missing words.
“That’s wonderful, Cassidy,” he said. “What’s the offer look like?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know yet. Brady was having him checked out before I agreed to meet with him again. I’m not sure I could even manage it on top of everything else.”
Chevelle came running over with Molly chasing him. He landed in my lap, and I tugged him up into my arms. He put his chubby hand covered in dog slobber on my cheek, and I tried desperately not to react. “Mama, I hungry.”
Tristan laughed. “Me too, my friend, me too.” She looked at Brady. “When’s the food getting here?”
Brady left my side and was at Tristan’s in a heartbeat, kissing her belly, tugging her hand into his. “It should be here any minute.”
All through high school and college, I’d never really cared if my friends had a boyfriend and I didn’t. I’d been focused on getting through school with grades I could stomach even when learning came hard. I’d also understood I was the tall, gangly friend who hadn’t come into her own and would never lose her awkwardness. I knew I wasn’t ugly, and I didn’t dwell on my looks a lot, but I also hadn’t expected guys to come running after me. I’d been okay with being on my own. But somewhere between the casual screwing I’d done with Clayton and now, I’d found myself aching for someone to be mine in the way Tristan was Brady’s.
The way Marco had pulled me into his arms the day before, declaring me his with a possessive growl, had been everything I wanted, even when I’d known he was saying it for Clayton’s benefit. I wanted it to be true. I wanted Marco to be my boyfriend.
But it was impossible, for all the reasons we both knew.
I was his boss’s sister. I was too busy with a restaurant and a toddler who already didn’t get enough of my time to even consider a relationship. It would be unfair to any man to try and fit him into the tiny, free moments I had. And yet, I couldn’t stop my soul from wishing for it.
Before I could lose myself in another woe-is-me moment that I was so unused to dwelling on, the doorbell rang, the food was delivered, and we were all sidetracked by dinner. But later, after I’d tucked Chevelle into his crib, with Hippo clutched tight to his chest, the ache came back. The loneliness returned, and my thoughts drifted back to Marco.
I pulled my phone from my pajama pocket and hovered a finger over the call button on his contact information, worry and want warring inside me.
Then, I placed the phone on the charger next to my bed, pulled the covers over my head, and pretended to lose myself to sleep.
