Page 92 of Tripped By Love
Jonas passed by me, heading for the stairs, and Marco appeared at my side.
He waited until Jonas had pounded his way up and we’d heard a door slam above us before saying anything. “He’s so goddamn lucky.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my head on his shoulder but still staring at the image of his family. “He is. Not just because he wasn’t hurt worse. He’s lucky to have you.”
I touched the frame with Marco’s parents in it. “They’re lovely.”
Marco’s hand joined mine on the glass, his fingers rubbing it. “They were.”
It rumbled through his chest. Deep and filled with emotions.
“They’d be so proud of you, Marco. But I think they’d also be sad.”
His chest stopped moving as if he was holding his breath.
“Look at this family you had waiting for you.” I pointed to a photo of Maliyah and Jonas and him, and then to another with the huge crowd from Maria Carmen’s that included Marco and Jonas as well. “Why did you deny yourself this?”
His breath finally came out as a burst of air. “Fear that I’d lose them all, too, I guess. And then guilt that I could have a good life when Petty Officer Warren’s would forever be haunted.”
“I’m not trying to belittle what happened to her, but acting as if she remained a victim, stuck in that moment, doesn’t do her any honor either. Have you ever tried to contact her? To see how she’s doing now?” I asked gently.
I could feel his heartbeat become erratic under my cheek. “No.”
“Do you think if you knew she was living a fulfilling life it would help you?” I asked.
“What if she’s not?” he choked out, and his agony ratcheted through me and became my own.
But I was also angry at him for persecuting himself for so long. For holding himself to this impossible standard of perfection.
“Would you have gone into a gunfight by yourself that night?” I demanded. “Just like Jonas? Maybe you could have told your superiors, right? But how do you even know if they would have believed you? Or if they’d have tried to stop it?” I couldn’t keep the anger from my tone.
He moved a hand, tilting my chin up so that our gazes were locked. “What’s your point, Angel?”
“What if, what if, what if. You could have done everything you think you should have, and it still might not have made a difference. You can’t spend your life punishing yourself for being human, or for feeling afraid, or believing in the goodness of others. You can’t spend your life alone.” I said it with all the fierceness I could. “I won’t let you.”
His lips quirked slightly. “You won’t let me?”
I shook my head. “No. You made promises to me, and I’m holding you to them.”
He closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have made them.”
“But you did, and you meant them. You don’t want to take them back.” I pushed my hand to his chest. “You love me, and guess what… I love you right back.”
His eyes opened, searching mine, grief and joy and disbelief all mixed together.
“Say it again,” he said softly.
“I love you.”
He kissed me fiercely, the wildness of our lovemaking the night before finding its way back into us for the first time since he’d received the call from Jonas. The craving of our bodies to be one filling us again. We lost ourselves in the passion of lips and tongues and hands for a long time, until a door slamming above us brought us back to where we were as a shower turned on upstairs.
“I love you, too, Angel. I want everything…” His voice was raspy with the deep emotions. “I want you and Chevelle. I want evenings spent building block towers with him, and watching you think up strange concoctions, and ending our day tangled together. But you’re right. I also have a family here that I’ve neglected for too long, and at the moment, I think I need to stay with them and make sure they are okay before I can even let myself think of having the life I want with you.”
I nodded. “I know.” I kissed him lightly. “Just like I know you realize I need to go home to Chevelle and the restaurant. But no matter how long it takes for you to settle things here, I want you to know I’ll be waiting for you to come back to me.”
A lump of emotions lodged in my throat. We’d just found our way to each other, and now we were moving apart instead of together. He had a family to care for, and I had a life to change. But I thought, if we both took care of the things pulling at us like weights in the water, that eventually, we’d float to the top together.
