Page 21 of The Last One You Loved
My chest exploded with pain.
I’d known he’d be married with kids.
I’d known he’d have moved on. I’d told him to. Begged him to. So why did it seem to rip my soul in half? Why did I hate the knowledge that his lips had kissed someone else, that his fingers and tongue had coasted along someone else’s skin? That he’d made someone else cry out and shudder as he sank into them. That he’d made them belong to him just as he had once made me.
He'd created another human being with that person, and it caused a surprising ache in my ovaries I never would have expected. Not in a million years. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to try and be a mother when all I’d learned from mine was what not to do.
“Who’s she, Daddy?” the little girl asked, peeking out at me. Her eyes were hazel, a mix of gold spiked with a pale green that was eerily similar to the ones that greeted me in the mirror every morning.
“No one.” His voice was gruff, the panic still there. “She has the wrong address. She’s leaving.”
I swallowed hard, dread filling me. Where was I going to go?
Maddox knelt, meeting the little girl’s eyes. “Go get another snickerdoodle, and then wait for me on the couch.”
The little girl’s face lit up. “Another cookie! Yes!” She pumped her little arm inward as if in victory and danced away on light feet.
The entire exchange was so sweet it made my already knotted heart squeeze even tighter. I could barely breathe.
As soon as the little girl had disappeared, Maddox rose and stepped toward me. “You have to leave,” he repeated. “How did you even get in here?”
“I…I have a key,” I said, frustrated that I was still stammering, but the entire thing had taken me by surprise. I was having trouble regaining my balance and control.
He eyed my luggage, and his jaw tightened.
“I don’t know how or why you’re here, but I won’t say it again. You need to leave.”
It hurt so damn much. His anger. The one person I’d always turned to had become just another person to hate me. I was pretty pathetic because there was only one person left in this world who saw me as a human being, and I’d just put her through the wringer.
I turned, opened the door with hands that shook, and then fumbled with my suitcases. Once I finally had them, I yanked them out of the house and nearly tripped down the steps in my hurry to get back to the car. He was watching me from the door. I could feel his stare cutting through me just like I had as a teen. Scouring me. Assessing me for damage. Yearning for me. God, did he still?
Every single molecule of my being was clamoring to run back to him. To throw my arms around his neck and beg for forgiveness. To feel those firm lips possess mine. To make me feel seen and loved. To feel safe.
When was the last time I’d truly felt that way? Like nothing could hurt me? Since I’d left Willow Creek a decade ago.
I threw the luggage in the trunk and dared a look at the door. It was shut, but I swore I could still feel his gaze on me.
I got in the driver’s seat, pulled on the seat belt, started the car, and then did nothing. Where was I going to go? I rested my forehead on the steering wheel, eyes and fists clenched tight, but I couldn’t stop the tears this time. They fell, silently traveling a slow path down my face and then gaining speed as I lost control completely.
I’d come back to Willow Creek, knowing it was likely a mistake. But I’d let that damn demon called hope win again. And for what? An ideal of Trap swinging me into his arms like he’d done whenever he’d blown through town when I was little? Tickling me until I screamed? Or had I really hoped Maddox would knock on my door and sweep me back into his arms and his life?
In the ER, I was known for my calm, for making quick, decisive decisions. I prided myself on it, and yet I was stuck in a wasteland here. I was an idiot for coming back.
So, I sat here doing nothing except letting the tears come, wracking sobs that scored through my entire body. Tears I hadn’t shed since that day Sally had found me outside the hospital.
My world had crumbled, and there truly was nothing left.
CHAPTEREIGHT
MADDOX
LET IT HURT
“Your heart goes numb, but the lonely stays the same.”
Performed by Rascal Flatts
Written by Smith / Sampson / De Marcus
