Page 38 of The Last One You Loved
Performed by Chris Stapleton
Written by Stapleton / Green
Anger and hurt filledme as I drove back toward the ranch. The rain started coming down in fierce streaks that hit the windshield with a thud that spoke of sleet and hail. My anger took a back seat to nervousness. I’d never had to drive in the snow in California because I was never in the mountains, and as a teen in Tennessee, I’d never had a car. I’d walked to school, and once Maddox had gotten his license, I’d always ridden with him.
I slowed down to an almost crawl and soon had a line of cars behind me?people who were used to the Tennessee weather. Relief filled me when the gates of the ranch appeared. I pulled up and realized I didn’t know how to get in. I buzzed the intercom box tucked into one of the pillars, and it was Eva’s voice that responded.
“Hey, it’s McKenna. Is it still okay for me to crash here for another night?” I sure hoped so because I had a bag of stuff in the apartment. After I’d run out of the farmhouse this morning, I’d showered, changed, and then headed into town and spent hours tracking down Maddox.
He hadn’t been at the sheriff’s station, and my fury had grown to epic proportions when the deputy there wouldn’t tell me where he’d gone. I’d driven by his house and then made the mistake of driving by the bar. That had sent me spiraling when the duplex I’d lived in with Mama came into sight. I’d sat parked across from it for a long time, reliving horrible memories I’d thought I’d buried in a snowy field. Memories my therapist in Davis had tried to help me lay to rest even more.
While I’d sat there, I’d looked at every scar on my body, remembering how I’d gotten each and every one, remembering the nauseating fear I’d felt every time she’d lost control, wondering if that was the time I was going to die. Because of my childhood, I’d sworn I wouldn’t be the type of doctor who turned a blind eye. I would absolutely report every case that came in front of me.
And doing so had ended my career and sent more terrifying threats my way.
But there was no way I’d stand by while anyone suffered like I had, especially not my own sister. The thought of Mama having another baby made me want to throw up. I would never have let Mila grow up as I had. If I’d been contacted, I would have done anything to keep her safe. But I hadn’t been given that chance, and that filled me with waves of mixed emotions. Gratitude and frustration and fury.
“Of course you can stay,” Eva said, drawing me back to the dark and the sleet and away from dark thoughts that had chased me all day. “I’ll buzz you in, and I’ll meet you at the apartment to give you a key card so you can come and go.”
“Thank you so much,” I said, meaning it.
I drove up the lane, parked at the side of the barn as I had the night before, and raced up the stairs to the apartment as icy drops poured over me. I was drenched by the time I got inside. I hadn’t worn a coat when I’d left, and now the sweater dress was dragging down with the weight of the water. I shed my drenched boots at the door and headed to the bedroom. I rifled through my bag, replacing the dress with a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved T-shirt.
I’d just wiped the makeup from my face when a knock sounded. I opened it to see Eva covered in rain gear. She stepped through, dripping onto the tiled entry.
She handed me a plastic card. “This will get you in and out as you need, but are you really only staying one more night?”
I looked down and away. My feelings were jumbled. I wanted to get to know my sister. I wanted to know why she was with Maddox, and I truly didn’t want to return to the mess of things in California. Dr. Gregory’s threats hung over me, twisting my stomach in a way that hadn’t happened since Mama had wielded her power over me.
“I don’t know.”
“Ryder texted me about what happened at the bar. I’m sorry Maddox said such hurtful things. I’m sure it was just the alcohol talking. He rarely drinks these days, maybe a beer now and then. He’s devoted his entire life to serving others, but you…you personify his biggest fear…losing her.”
I went up and down on my toes, tugging at my hair. Guilt and hurt flew through me in equal measure, remembering his face and his words. I’d let that damn demon?hope?in, and it had stabbed me again.
“I get him hating me,” I finally breathed out. “I understand that, but to deny Mila her family…”
I shook my head, trying to shake away the emotions.
“There’s more to the story than what he told you tonight, McKenna,” Eva said. “I think, when he’s sober and in his right mind, he’ll tell you.”
Silence settled down. It was Eva who broke it.
“Mila was right. You should stay for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, we’ve got a crowd of Sadie’s friends coming with her from UTK on Monday, and the cabins are a disaster with the renovations. But if I can get Maddox’s head out of his ass, he has a guest room. It would allow you to spend some time with Mila.”
Back to the house that I’d thought was Trap’s? It meant not only being with Mila but with Maddox, and I was damn sure that wasn’t a good idea for either of us. There was too much hurt laying between us now. Mine. His. Things we’d both done wrong.
What would I have done if he’d continued to come to California before I’d ever met Kerry? If he’d shown up at my dorm room or my apartment? Would I have been able to close the door in his face? I didn’t think so, but he hadn’t come. He’d chosen his life here just like I’d chosen my life there. He was as responsible for us drifting apart as I was. By the time Kerry had come into my life, our texts and calls had become awkward and stilted with all the things we could no longer say to each other.
I’d always thought I was completely to blame for everything that laid between us. But he hadn’t ever really fought for me…one call that had never become anything more. And to find out that he’d hidden this from me…Mila. It was so much larger than a wounded teen pushing away a boy. This was denying me the one thing he’d known I’d never had.
“I don’t think that’s going to work, Eva.”
She reached over and patted my face with fingers wet from the rain. “Trust me. I know my children. I know what’s best.”
She whirled around toward the door, sending water in all directions before she looked back. “Did you eat? You look like you never eat.”
“I did,” I lied, meeting her gaze with a confidence I didn’t feel. If I told her I hadn’t had anything since the crepes, she’d insist on feeding me again, and I needed to be alone. I needed to process everything that had happened since I’d arrived in Willow Creek.
