Page 85 of The Last One You Loved
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
MADDOX
CHASIN’ AFTER YOU
“But I know, yeah I know it's a matter of time.
‘Til you walk, ‘til you walk back out of my life,
Leave me standing here lonely, feeling like a fool.”
Performed by Ryan Hurd with Maren Morris
Written by Flowers / Addington
After the call with Trap,McKenna’s mood shifted. The sensual teasing disappeared into a melancholy, as if Trap really still had the ability to impact her. I hated that almost as much as I hated some asshole threatening her. And yet, I was also glad the threats had sent her running in my direction. Even a month ago, I would never have said that, even to myself. I would have insisted McKenna being in Willow Creek would be the worst thing to ever happen to Mila and me, and now it was the thought of her leaving again that tortured me.
We cleaned up the kitchen together, and then I dragged her back down the hall to my bed, not willing to let her return to the guest room, not willing to let her go at all. I pulled her into my arms, her back to my front, and held on as if I’d never let go.
“I’m sorry he still can hurt you,” I said softly.
She ran a hand up and down my arm. “Hurt’s a strong word. Disappoint might be better. I shouldn’t be, because I knew he never wanted me any more than Mama did. I’ve only talked to him a handful of times since I left. It’s like having an uncle who lives across the country from you rather than a dad. Except, that would imply I have a family, and I don’t.”
“You have a family, McK. You have my family.” My voice was thick with emotions behind it. The truth of it.
She flipped around in my arms so she could face me.
“I didn’t really let you be one,” she said. “Mama and Trap could hurt me so terribly when I hardly loved them, so I think I was terrified of what y’all could do to me when I loved you so desperately.”
“We did hurt you. We let you go and didn’t come for you.”
She swallowed hard. “If you had, I would have been even crueler. I wasn’t ready to keep you.”
Her words hurt and healed all at the same time.
“And you’re ready now…to keep us?” My voice was gruff and choked, full of an overwhelming sense of love I’d never lost but only buried. Our gazes were locked, and she didn’t look away once. She brushed my jaw, and the beard I’d grown tickled as she rubbed it, but she didn’t answer my question, and it stung, twisting my insecurities.
“When we were kids, I felt guilty for bringing my messed-up life into yours. Now, even though I’ve tried hard to straighten myself out, to be better, I’m a mess all over again,” she said quietly.
“I could take it back then, and I can take it now,” I said, and she closed her eyes. It hadn’t been the right thing to say. It hadn’t reassured her, so I tried again. “I don’t see the mess, sweetheart. Do you know what I see?”
Her eyes opened back up, brows drawing together.
“I see this beautiful, resilient human being who didn’t let the very worst kind of childhood hold her back. She lifted herself up, plowed forward with determination and a bit of stubbornness, and then took on a role where she could actually save others. Not some metaphorical ‘save’ bullshit either. You actually have people’s lives in your hands. You had Layton’s life in your hand, and you saved it. That’s not a mess. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’d be happy to stand right in the middle of everything with you, holding your hand and slapping everyone down who dares to say you’re something less than the glorious heroine I see standing with a flaming stethoscope.”
A little laugh escaped her. “Flaming stethoscope?”
“Well, a sword seems counterintuitive.”
“Why don’t you hate me?”
“I tried. It didn’t work.”
“The night I showed up here…I thought you did…”
“That was the fear for Mila talking,” I told her. “But do you want to know what I did just a few days before, on your birthday?” Her eyes grew wide, and I continued. “I spent the entire day thinking about you, and when I was alone in my room, I jacked off to my memories of you, just like I had a million times before.”
She stared for a long time, leaning in to kiss me tenderly, before saying, “A million times, huh? I bet you’re pretty chapped. Maybe you should see a doctor about that.”
