Page 89 of The Last Dance You Saved
My heart cracked for all of them all over again, and even though I was frustrated with her for using Rafe’s guilt against him and sending him on the hunt for Adam, I couldn’t stop myself from trying to ease her concerns. “If it helps, I don’t think you have to worry about her and Parker. She knows he’s too old for her, and he certainly doesn’t look at her in the same way.”
“Sometimes, that only makes you try harder though. Don’t you remember being a teenager and wanting someone so bad it felt like your insides were going to shred if you didn’t have them?” she asked, turning from watching her daughter to me.
For the first time, I felt her truly assessing me. Not as the person who could help her with the ranch, or even as a guest, but as the person Rafe had been kissing.
“Honestly, no. I liked the boys I dated in high school, but it was all carefree teasing. None of the angst you read about or see in teen dramas. We were all just out to have fun most of the time. Didn’t prevent me from getting into mischief that drove my parents and my brothers batty, but it was still mostly lighthearted.”
“But what’s happening between you and Rafe isn’t lighthearted fun, right?” The hint of defensiveness in her tone took me by surprise. I was almost certain it had nothing to do with jealousy but an actual protectiveness for someone she cared about. Did she realize Rafe was as clueless as her daughter about how much she cared?
“I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for Rafe. Is it crazy to think that everything that started all those decades ago with our families was supposed to happen just to lead me to him?”
Lauren smiled. It didn’t happen often, and she was stunning when she did. In those moments, I could see how both Rafe and Spence would have fallen head over heels for her.
“I don’t know what Rafe told you about what happened between us…” She stopped, as if to see if I’d offer anything up, and I didn’t. I knew some, but not enough, and I wanted to hear her side of the story. “The truth of the matter is, I loved them both. Spencer and I had a connection we couldn’t deny. I never had to fall for him. We just loved each other from the get-go, so when he went off to college and broke up with me so we could see other people and make sure the love we felt wasn’t just friendship, I was devastated. How could he ever think it wasn’t? I went off the deep end a bit, but Rafe was there to catch me. And I didn’t have to fall for him either because I’d always loved him too. If I’d had my choice, I would have kept them both.”
I must have made some sort of noise at her shocking confession because she laughed softly. “I know. How forbidden of me to think it, right? But I would have been happy living here with the three of us together in some sort of polyamorous relationship. I didn’t want to choose between them. But that would never have worked for Rafe or Spence. Their dad had fostered this stupid competition between them from the time Rafe was born. And worse, Kade always showed he was rooting for Spencer simply because he was the firstborn son. Or maybe it was because Rafe didn’t fall into line and believe he was less just because he'd been born second. Either way, it hurt them both—deeply.
“Rafe wanted what Spence had, and Spence wanted what he perceived as Rafe’s freedom to choose. They both envied each other. Spence never expected Rafe and me to hook up though, and when he found out I was pregnant with Rafe’s child…” She shook her head, sadness in every syllable as she said, “I destroyed the tenuous bond they’d been able to forge even as their dad had tried to prevent it.”
The music stopped and started, families filing onto the dance floor. The bride was now with my cousin, the groom with his mother. Maisey and Fallon joined the crowd, smiling and laughing and moving their bodies. I wanted to dance along with them. I wanted to let the rhythm wash away my worries. But while I hadn’t exactly promised Rafe I wouldn’t dance without him, after what he’d said in the safe, I didn’t want any other body but his tucked up against me.
“What made you choose Spence instead of Rafe?” I asked.
“Spencer threw me in the car and started driving to Vegas.” She laughed. “I mean, I could have said no. I’m not sure he would have let me, but he also wouldn’t have forced me. I don’t know if that makes any sense.”
I thought of the way Rafe had taken control of everything between us and yet given me a way out at every step, and I nodded.
“I guess Spencer and I both knew we belonged here on the ranch and that our brothers needed something more. They needed the world to bow down before them,” she said, and I heard the pain in her words as she thought about Adam.
“Your brother came home,” I said.
“After Kade died, Spencer had a hard time keeping track of the money and accounting. Things were falling through the cracks, and Adam had lost a big account at the financial firm he’d worked for. He took a hit to his ego, and I told him to come home and regroup. I didn’t think he’d stay, but he did, and he seemed happy here. We all seemed happy here.”
Not all. Rafe hadn’t been here. He’d been cut out, even if it had been by his own request. He’d created an entire empire and made a boatload of money, but from the very first moment we’d met, I sensed he’d been as lonely as I’d been. The fact that none of them had chosen him first, or insisted he come home, made me even more determined to show him someone would. That I would.
I swallowed hard, thinking about what that meant. Of the things—and people—I’d have to give up to do so. It hurt, but not as badly as it could have, because I’d have Rafe. Because I’d be doing it for the glimmering, shiny gift that was him and me—us.
As much as I despised asking her my next question, even thinking it, I still had to know the answer. So, I choked out, “Did you think you could have him back now? Rafe?”
Lauren looked startled by my question, and she was quick to shake her head, but there was a look on her face that said she was considering it. It made me want to unleash my claws and take aim. She was quiet for a long moment, watching Fallon and Maisey as they swung each other around, faces alight with happiness.
After too many seconds had passed for my tense heart, she finally said, “No. I lost Rafe when I chose Spence. He’d never give me a second chance with his heart. He doesn’t give second chances easily. Besides, Fallon would despise me even more if I tried to make her dad mine. She loved them both too, completely and adoringly. She had two incredible dads, and while she had to share Spence with me, she’s never had to share Rafe, and she likes it that way.”
In giving up any chance with Rafe for her daughter, it was the first time since I’d arrived that I saw her doing something for Fallon instead of the other way around.
An alarm on her phone buzzed, and she looked down at it with a tired sigh. “Time for the cake cutting.”
“Do you want help?” I asked.
She huffed out a half laugh. “You’re good at that—helping. So much so people don’t even realize everything you’ve done until after the fact. But I’ve noticed, Sadie. How you’ve made Rafe smile, and the way you’ve been there for Fallon. I saw how much of the load you took this week when you should have been our guest. Thank you. Thank you for all of it. But mostly for giving Rafe someone to love again. That’s the best thing you’ve done all week.”
And then she walked away before I could respond. I wasn’t sure I could have anyway. My heart was in my throat. My stomach full of butterflies. I had no clue what my life would look like, how I’d spend my days while Rafe worked, but the most important thing was to wake up at his side and go to sleep tucked up against him. Love was what mattered. It was how I could make a difference in this world. I could be there for the one person who truly needed me.
The realization brought joy but also a fair amount of panic.
A body filled in Lauren’s empty spot next to me, and I turned to see my cousin offering me a glass of champagne. I took it but didn’t sip at it. After everything I’d learned about him from Gia and Rafe, I didn’t trust him. Add in how he’d had me followed and all but threatened the man I loved, and it made it so I didn’t even like him.
“Little cousin, I’m upset you’ve taken something from me I thought was mine.”
