Page 105 of The Moments You Were Mine
I swallowed hard. I’d wanted to hear those words from him for so long, and having them now was both painfully beautiful and painfully cruel.
I looked away and repeated what I’d said earlier. “It could be just a paper marriage, Parker. I know this isn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want me any more than you wanted marriage or kids.”
He pushed his fingers under my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze as his hand pulled mine to the bulge in his jeans—hard andlarge and straining to escape.
“Does that feel like I don’t want you?”
I couldn’t respond. A knot had formed in my throat as large as the one on my head.
“Let’s get a few things straight. First, I’ve fucking wanted you for years.” I tried to shake my head, but both his hand and the pain from the concussion stopped me. “I wanted you. But I thought I couldn’t have you because of a stupid promise and my career.” When I started to reply, he cut me off with another quick kiss and a nip to my bottom lip. “Second, there’s no damn way this will be a paper-only marriage. It would be impossible to keep it that way after I’ve gotten a taste of you, after hearing the little inhale you make when I kiss you. So if you don’t want to share my bed, if you don’t want to spend your nights twined with me, then you need to back away now, and we’ll find another solution to your problem.”
“Ourproblems,” I said, annoyance welling. “I wouldn’t even suggest getting married if I didn’t think I could help you and Theo too. He deserves stability after everything he’s been through. He deserves to know someone chose him rather than feeling like he was just an obligation someone took on. I’m choosing him, and I’ll make sure he always knows it.”
Parker’s lips curved upward. “There’s my girl.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You wanted to set a few things straight? Fine. Let’s start with the fact that I am not, nor have I been for a long time, agirl.”
He hooked a leg over mine and, in a swift move, drew me closer so I was tight against his body, until I could feel the hardness beneath his jeans pushing into my thighs. “Believe me. I’m very aware of that fact. I shouldn’t have said girl. I’ve been pissed at Teddy and Kurt and the others for using the term. You’re absolutely not a girl, Fallon. You’re a stunning force of nature.”
A flutter whooshed through my stomach. Intense desire. Longing.
Those feelings had always gone unrequited with Parker.
And for a brief moment, I felt a heady sense of satisfaction. I’d gotten what I wanted. I’d gotten him. But as quickly as the thought came, it vanished, replaced by guilt.
I touched his face. “I feel like I’m trapping you. That someday, some year down the road, you’ll look at me and realize it and end up hating me.” Annoyingly, my voice cracked at the end.
He cupped my cheek. “If your crappy taste in music hasn’t made me hate you yet, nothing else can.”
He was trying to lighten the mood, trying to make me laugh, and I gave him a weak one. But inside, worry still festered.
When I didn’t respond, he said, “We’ll leave for Vegas tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I breathed out.
“How far along are you, Ducky? If we wait even a few more days, will JJ be able to tell it’s a lie? That there was no way I could be the one who got you pregnant when he failed?”
“Five weeks. That was the doctor’s guess. I’m at least five weeks along.”
His eyes narrowed. “We really can’t wait any longer, then, can we? And this actually works perfectly with something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
He told me about his dad visiting Adam and wanting us to visit Ike in prison. “Plus, if you leave for a few days and the incidents stop, we’ll know whoever this is was coming after you and not the ranch.”
I didn’t really want to leave now. It would feel like I was abandoning everyone I cared about, leaving them to face the music while I ran. As if reading my mind and sensing my hesitancy, Parker pressed. “You aren’t running. You’re actually trying to solve this by going to see Ike. And if whoever is doing this is really gunning for you, they’ll follow you and leave everyone here alone.”
The notion of someone following me and trying to hurt me again returned that dark intensity to his face—the SEAL ready to do what was necessary. It shouldn’t thrill me as much as it did.
“Plus, if we go to Vegas, I can leave Theo with Mom for a few days to keep him away from all this,” he said. “My parents offered to take him before, but I didn’t want to leave him when he was just starting to come out of his shell. I didn’t want him to think he was losing me just like he’d lost his parents.”
“Parker…” My voice was full of apology.
He slid a hand through my hair. “This isn’t your fault. Don’t take that on. I just didn’t expect things here to be this bad. It’s better if he’s nowhere near us at the moment.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic. If something happened to Theo because of me, I’d never forgive myself. But the same went for Parker. Or any of the people I was responsible for.
Maybe I really should leave. Run away. Go have my baby in some secluded location. But then, if JJ ever found out, he’d know the baby was his, even if I didn’t put his name on the birth certificate.
To protect the unborn little one inside me, I had to do this. I had to take this risk with Parker.
