Page 21 of The Moments You Were Mine
Chapter Seven
Fallon
OLD SOUL
Performed by The Highwomen
SIX YEARS AGO
HER: I heard “When the Wild Wind Blows” today and felt the need to say the only way you can believe that ghastly metal noise reflects true love is because you haven’t ever been in love. Country music, Frogman. Country music has all the heart.
HIM: So, love is pain? Is that what you’re saying, Ducky? Because country music makes my ears bleed. If that’s true love, who’d want to experience it?
PRESENT DAY
As I attempted to add thefinal coat of mascara to my lashes, I had to brace my hand with the other to steady it. Nerves were jiggling inside me like worms caught on a hook, and it had nothing to do with the black hooded robe and gray chevron hanging from my closet door or the chapter closing on my life that the robe signified. The twist of my stomach was due to the shower turning off in the bathroom I shared with JJ.
Before this year, I’d never considered myself a coward. And yet, I was in this situation now because I hadn’t had the guts to pull the trigger and break things off months ago.
I should have done it when everything had started to go downhill after I’d taken JJ to Rivers for Christmas. I’d tried to deepen our relationship by showing him the real Fallon, but when I finally revealed to him the secret I’d kept for far too long aboutthe ranch being mine and the wealth that came with it, he’d been hurt and angry.
“Why would you keep this from me?” he’d demanded. “You’ve been pretending all this time to be just like me when you’re really just another rich kid, like the ones at my private school who’d looked down on me for being the scholarship kid.”
“I’ve never looked down on you for not having money, JJ,” I’d told him. “I didn’t tell anyone because I knew people would treat me differently, and Ineededto be just another college kid.”
“I don’t understand why. Struggling to make ends meet, knowing your future depends on every fucking grade you get…that’s not a way to live.”
I’d tried to explain the complicated feelings I had about both the ranch and my family. The betrayals surrounding my birth that had led to the abandonment of my childhood. The birthright I’d been groomed to take by a stepdad who loved me but who’d loved the land more. The heaviness of the responsibilities I had waiting for me, and my dad’s request that I try, for a few years, to consider all the options open to me, including selling the ranch.
After I’d laid my heart out, JJ had simply said, “Your dad is right. Sell it. Get rid of all the bad memories and responsibilities and use it to create a real life for yourself with me in San Diego.”
And I hadn’t had the heart to tell him I’d never sell the ranch. The legacy was mine. It was in my blood. I’d build on to it. Grow it. Make it more. And I’d build a large animal rescue there to give something back.
After New Year’s, when we’d returned to our apartment near campus, JJ had started acting strange, spending money more wildly than ever before. He’d always been a spender. We’d even argued about it over the months we’d lived together when his credit card bill prevented him from paying his share of the rent, but I’d also understood he was working out his demons just like I was.
But then, in February, JJ had proposed, handing me a ginormous diamond ring that was nothing I’d ever want on my finger, and I’d been stunned. I should have expected it after he’d told me to sell the ranch and start a life with him in San Diego, but I honestly hadn’t. I’d thought he’d seen the writing on the wall of our relationship as much as I had.
When I’d said no, things had spiraled even more. Our occasional arguments and his accusations of me cheating on him with Parker had grown in number and size. He followed them up with enormous grand gestures and apologies that somehow charmed me into accepting him back.
But the final kiss of death to our relationship had been Mom’s car accident in March. The simple fact that JJ had refused to come with me to Rivers when it happened had been the last straw. My mom had nearly died, and my live-in boyfriend hadn’t been there for me. Worse, when I’d spent weeks at home while she slowly recovered enough to be transferred to a rehabilitation center, JJ had never once visited me. He’d barely called or texted, and when I’d asked him to pick up my assignments from my professors, he’d demanded to know how much I really expected him to do when he was already swamped with covering for me at the vet clinic where we interned.
As soon as I’d returned to San Diego, I should have broken it off. But I’d been overwhelmed trying to catch up with my classes so I could still graduate on time and making up hours at the clinic so my internship would still count. I hadn’t wanted to add the drama of breaking up and asking him to move out to an already stressful time for both of us as we finished our dissertations.
I’d promised myself I’d do it after graduation. Now we were here, and I was still vacillating like a jackrabbit zigzagging across a field.
I flung the mascara tube on the dresser and met my hazel eyes in the mirror. Where was the Fallon who used to stand up for herself? The college grad in the mirror with her makeup and fancy updo wasn’t me.
My time at the ranch while Mom was in the hospital had proven to me just how much I’d missed it. The smell of the wildflowers and the sound of the river crashing over the waterfall had soothed me in a way nothing else ever had…except Parker. It had me questioning whether I really wanted to spend yet another summer away from Rivers. It had me wondering if I really wanted to continue with a doctoral degree and a veterinarian license I had no intention of using to its fullest.
My heart hammered hard and fast as I realized just exactly what I was considering.
Walking away. Not just from JJ but from the goals I’d set for myself.
The bathroom door opened, and JJ strode out with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. His bright-blue eyes met mine as he crossed the room, and for a moment, I saw a flash of anger in them before he covered it up. As he crossed the room, he waved a pink carton at me.
“You got your period?” he demanded.
My brows furrowed in confusion. Was he actually upset? He’d been like a dog with a bone about sex lately. One day, he’d even gone so far as to lock the supply closet at the clinic behind us. If Dr. Walters hadn’t knocked, I was pretty sure he would have stripped me bare and thrown me down amongst the mops and vinyl gloves.
