Page 103 of Courting War
Gallagher caused more than just pain, but it wasn’t precisely the best moment to point that out, so Theo sewed her lips shut. Destruction’s actions were extreme. She’d become Cecile’s nemesis in order to stay one step ahead of her other enemies. It worked, but it also worked to make Cecile hate her.
Theo rubbed her face. “I would like to apologize—”now.Cecile didn’t let her finish her thought.
“And that’s not to mention what you’ve done to Kellyn. You vowed not to help him because you’ve never cared about any of your champions. Ever.”
“I—”
“And he’s never deserved your scorn. He’s only ever been loyal to you.”
“You’re right, Cecile.” Theo forced it out, stopping the other girl in her tracks. Theo sucked in a breath. Her eyes focused on the glittering cave pool covered with jade lily pads. Shame raineddown her body like the barrage of a waterfall. “It’s recently come to my attention,” Theo paused and scrunched her face, the admission painful, “that my good intentions, coupled with apathy, have led to a lot of pain.”
“Good intentions,” Cecile scoffed. “How is sending a bloodthirsty god into the Agoge good intentions?” Cecile sat down on one of the rope swings with a huff.
Theo swallowed. She didn’t want to sound like she made excuses, but she also wanted to tell the truth. “I knew the Agoge was deadly and wanted to protect you.” Theo smoothed out a wrinkle in her skirt, her heart thundering. “I’m not fond of people and especially not children. I didn’t know what to do, so I sent Gallagher to ensure you didn’t die.”
“Make sure I didn’t die,” Cecile growled.
“I realize now that I should’ve done much more to ensure you weren’t just physically safe but also emotionally.”
Silence snaked between them, its venom cutting into Theo’s core and leaving her feeling utterly vulnerable in a way she never had before. She’d never wanted to apologize for anything before and never needed an apology to be accepted. As a god, she did things and expected people to be okay with them; frankly, she didn’t care if they were because Theo was apathy personified.
She was cold, calculating, and vicious.
Yet now, she wanted Cecile to forgive her. She wanted to fix things and work through it.
“It fixes nothing,” Cecile finally said.
Theo’s body drew as tight as a violin string. “I know.” Her throat worked. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness because I’m devastation in human flesh, but I would ask for it.”
Cecile played with the swing for a long moment, and it seemed she wouldn’t respond. “And why would I give it? You’re selfish, and I don’t ever see that changing.”
The truth hit like a blade to the heart.
“I might have been able to forgive you for what you did to me, but Kellyn never deserved this. He’s going to die here because of you.” Cecile’s eyes latched onto the spell book in Theo’s hands. “Let me guess, that book is a way for you to fix yourself so you can leave us all here to die.”
“It’s—”
“Tell me it’s not.” Darkness swirled in Cecile’s irises. Literal darkness. Theo’s eyebrows drew together. “Tell him it’s not, Theo.” She pointed at Kellyn.
Theo swallowed and clapped her mouth tightly shut. There was nothing to say. Cecile was right. That was Theo’s plan.
“You’re just like the rest.” Cecile seethed. “I was so stupid to trust you. You’re a god. It’s your nature to destroy. Your nature to trick and play and wound. It’s who you are; nothing matters to you, not even this bond.” Cecile’s raven tattoo squawked in agreement as she waved her arm.
“I never wanted this bond.” It slipped out and was the absolute wrong thing to say. Theo pinched her eyes shut. She was making everything worse.
“You’ve made that abundantly clear. Repeatedly, you told me you’d never care about me, never love me, and I was just too foolish to believe you . . . well, I believe you now.”
Now?Just when it wasn’t true. This was a true divine comedy. Payback for a millennium of wrongs.
Theo’s insides ached as much as her outsides because she cared, and these words killed her. Yet she didn’t know how to show affection. She didn’t know how to improve it and let someone feel loved. Wetness grew in the corner of her eyes, and she didn’t know what to do with it.Tears. But she absolutely wouldn’t let them run down her face.
“Cecile I . . .” Theo tried to form words that would matter. “I’m sorry.” But those words were so hollow. So meaningless.
Cecile stood, violently rocking her swing. “Stay away from me. I release you from this foolish bond.” She stomped away, her face red and painted with tears. The shadow cat followed with a sweet little meow—a meow of empathy.
Theo’s gaze fell to the floor, her shoulders slumped, the stinging in her eyes crescendoing, and she could no longer holdback. The tears fell like a somber rain. The feeling was utterly foreign to her skin.
“You can’t release me,” Theo whispered after her. “Only I can release you.”
