Page 112 of Courting War
He couldn’t finish the words. They exposed too much.
She stepped closer and placed a second hand on the glass. “I understand.” She gulped. “I don’t deserve to be forgiven, and I don’t expect it either.”
Neither spoke. Only the sound of rushing water persisted as their eyes caressed each other. Saying so much without words. Fireflies buzzed in the chambers of his heart. He couldn’t stay angry with her. She was a drug he couldn’t withdraw from. He’d only known her for six days, yet he felt he had known her for an eternity. Yet, he felt like even if he had 10,000 years to get to know her, he’d never get to her core—never know everything. But he wanted to.
And there was something beautiful about that.
Blood poured down the walls again and formed into the next question. Theo coughed as if choking as she read it. “Why do you hate men, Theodra?” The letters shifted again. “What broke you?” She let out a low laugh, and under her breath, “Meddling sisters.”
Theo rubbed the dark circle under an eye with her knuckle. She was exhausted. “I—” she started slowly. “I hated men because I thought they were all the same. Abusers.” She sighed, her eyes sparking with shame. “When I was a young goddess, barely a century old, I fell in love with a beautiful, brilliant god. A god who burned with passion and desire. I was foolish and young and believed that he wanted me, not for my power or the connections to my mother, but forme. I was wrong.” Theo’s voice cracked, and she spoke quickly, like she was ripping off a bandage—like if she took the time to tell it, she wouldn’t get it out. “Fire seduced and kidnapped me to help Fumoire—the leader of the Titans—win the Great War of the Gods. They held me as bait and tortured me for years with his fire whip and other horrible contraptions while they waited for my mother to rescue me. But she didn’t.”
Theo rubbed the scar along her torso, and a thick tear fell down her face. “My mother didn’t free me until the war was over, and by then, I was far too broken and was no longer the sweet, naïve goddess anymore. I was vengeance.”
The story gutted Kellyn. It was unimaginable to ever betray someone he loved like that or even someone he hated. “Theo,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry.”
She pinched her lips together, clearly trying to hold back emotions.
It made everything make sense. She was dark and twisted and cold because a man had destroyed her. She’d been destroyed by trusting love. Kellyn wanted to reach through the glass and hold her. He couldn’t imagine that level of trauma. He wanted to protect her from it and keep anything like that from happening again. And he wanted to destroy the God of Fire.
“How was he not punished?” The words slipped out of Kellyn’s mouth before he could think to hold them in. Because Kellyn wanted Fire punished, he wanted to wrap his fingers around the god’s throat and slowly kill him for what he did.
“Fire betrayed Fumoire and helped Nefeli to destroy and imprison the Titans.”
Fury boiled in Kellyn’s blood. “He can’t have been forgiven that easy.”
“He wasn’t, but that’s a much longer story.” The muscle in Theo’s jaw tensed. “But to answer Death’s true question so we can get this terrible game over with, I don’t hate men anymore.” She released a breath, “At least not all men. I don’t hate you.”
“Theo, I’m so sorry.”
She shrugged and brushed it off as if it were meaningless. “It was a long time ago.”
“Good job. Now for my final question,” Havyn said, but the blood didn’t appear this time. Instead, she asked it, her voice coated in shadows, “How do you feel about each other? Truly?”
Havyn mocked him, a puppet master, playing with his strings and forcing him into unbearable positions.
Kellyn had to admit the depths of his heart because if he didn’t, they would both die. The water was at his neck, and he couldn’t kill War. He couldn’t hurt her, despite everything.
Kellyn didn’t get the choice to keep his love close, nurture it, and let it grow. No, he must burn everything down and let the chips fall as they may. He sucked in a breath and prepared to tell War everything. Kellyn’s heart skipped a beat, and every muscle in his body tensed, preparing for battle or heartbreak.
“I think I may fall in love with you.” It probably wasn’t a great start. He swallowed and tried again. “I'm so mad at you, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you, yet I want you like air.” He swallowed. “I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know what it means.” It wasn’t getting much better, and Theo wasn’t showing him she was listening. She was stiff as a stone across from him; her eyes latched on her hands. He rubbed his temples, and the words poured out like spilled coffee. Hot and glistening. “But what I do know is that the thought of you in pain guts me. I hate you but love seeing your grumpy and unsmiling face.”
At this, Theo laughed but still didn’t move to meet his eyes.
“I know that the facade you show to the world is only one small piece of who you are,” Kellyn said. “I know you make mefeel seen and intelligent.” He drew in a shaky breath. “I know you make me feel everything.”
At this, the water in Kellyn’s side of the chamber evaporated into thin air. He’d done it. He’d laid out his heart for her to see.
“I can’t.” Theo let out a sob, and her eyes finally met his. She looked hollow, like an empty void, with tears streaming down her divine face. “I can’t say it.”
His stomach sank.
The water climbed up her face, and she took a final breath before being engulfed by the water—swallowed whole.
“Why can’t you say it?” Kellyn clutched the glass, begging her to give in and save herself. “Please, Thee . . .”
She was going to die.
Chapter Thirty-Five
