Page 53 of Courting War
“You stared straight into Medusa’s eyes as if you were asking her to turn you into stone.” Havyn’s lips fell into a flat line. “So, do you truly want to die?”
Theo didn’t know. There were moments when it was all that she wanted, but then sometimes she wanted to fight—wanted to live. At the core of her, Theo didn’t know what she wanted. Perhaps to feel something.
Anything.
“What is there to live for?” Theo said lazily.
Havyn cocked her head, sadness swimming in her lilac eyes. “So much, Thee. So, so much.”
“Like what?” Theo’s voice broke.
“Love.” The answer was simple and horrible.
Love was betrayal. Devastation. A dance with decay. Love was the worst of all punishments and the ruination of one’s soul. Love began with hope. A hope that would eventually shatter into endless chaos. Love was the deepest form of pain, and Theo vowed never to feel it again.
Love was ruination.
It was the biggest mistake she’d made in her 10,000-year life.
“Love,” she repeated mockingly, cyanide pouring from her lips.
“Yes, love, little sister,” Havyn said. “Life is beautiful and meaningful, not because of the power we possess or the wealth we hold, or the successes we achieve. It is meaningful when it is shared.”
“Shared,” Theo breathed.
Havyn pinched her lips together as if she were speaking to an annoying child. “When you’re vulnerable enough to allow yourself to be fully seen and fully accepted by another.” Havyn squeezed her sister’s arm. “When you allow yourself to care about someone else and to be cared for in return, that is when life has meaning.”
“It sounds tedious.” And horrifying.
Havyn’s words were sappy and pathetic, not something Theo could ever consider. Because Theo had no heart. She was unlovable.
Unredeemable.
Who could ever love War? Who could ever care for her?
No one.
No onehadever cared for her.
“You’re responsible for your own happiness, Theo.” Havyn’s face turned soft and sympathetic. “As long as you run from connection, as long as you ruminate on the pain, you will stay there.”
“What else would you have me do?” Theo asked. Havyn made it all sound so easy. But connection and happiness weren’t easy.
“Change.” Havyn shrugged. “Start with the Sacrifice. You saved Cecile’s life. She is your servant; get to know her . . . truly. Or the handsome priest, or even the big, alluring brute. Just try, Thee.”
“Try.” Theo chewed on the word.
“And stop trying to kill yourself.” Havyn shook her head disapprovingly. “Also, stop trying to defy Mother. I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.”
Oh, but it would.
Theo would get the spell, and she would get her divinity back.
“This is brilliant,” the Goddess of Destruction said, poking her head into the alcove. It was as if she were summoned by Theo’s thoughts.
Destruction was Theo’s second in command and direct subordinate in the War Court.
Destruction had the voice of a fairy and the demeanor of a candy-dripped demon. In her god form, she had deep azure hair laced with a crown of decaying roses that fell like tears from her hair. The goddess’s tawny skin often was sprinkled with periwinkle sugar glitter, and her eyes were cotton-candy pink. They shined like rose quartz glittering in the moonlight.
