Page 22 of Teach a Rogue New Tricks
Sarah laid a comforting hand on Ada’s arm. “Do you miss him?”
Ada closed her eyes, searching for the pang of loss at her suitor’s absence. “No. I am afraid I do not. I’ve not given Lucas much thought since arriving in London. There’s been too much to see and do.”
“Quite right. And once you’ve been introduced to society, you’ll have even more to do. Suitors will flock. I’ve no doubt. Then, if you choose, you may choose Lucas.” Sarah shrugged. “Or someone else. It’s nice to have options.”
Sarah knew about options, or the lack thereof. She’d had few of them before marrying Ada’s father.
“Tell me, Sarah, when you worked in the bookshop, were you happy?” Ada snapped her lips shut. What a question to ask! And why had she asked it?
Sarah pressed her lips together thoughtfully and smiled into her memories. “Oh, yes. Many days I felt quite happy. I did not have to prick my fingers and ruin my eyesight as a seamstress, and I did not have to sell myself on the streets. I spent every day, all day, surrounded by books.”
“If you were happy, why did you marry my father?”
Sarah laughed. “Serendipity, I think. Fate. Mr. Hopkins fired me, and then in waltzed your father, grumpy and demanding to know where theGulliver’swas. One door to happiness slammed closed and another opened.” She scratched her neck. “Hmm. Perhaps it’s better to say it unlocked. I may have had to kick it a bit to get it to open.”
“Serendipity.” If she waited for adventure to come her way, would it? Or would she have to, as she’d done with Lord Albee, seek out an introduction?
Sarah straightened a leg and wiggled her foot, studying her slipper. “Or maybe not serendipity. When your father stepped into the bookshop, I could have watched him come and watched him leave, and my life would look very different than it does now. But I could not simply stand by any longer. I made a decision that day, and it led to your father. But that is not the only time I had to use my wits. You know how he used to be—hurting, a bit lost, afraid.”
Ada nodded. She remembered well the loss of her father to his fears after the death of their mother. His heart had broken, and he’d left England, rarely to return in the subsequent five years.
Sarah dropped her leg, letting it beat against the trunk, and squeezed Ada’s hand. “I thought at first, I could handle your father’s fears as I would the fears of a child, but I could not. He is a man, grown and weathered, and I had to find other ways to earn his heart and trust. So… I suppose serendipity may have propelled him through the bookshop door, but my wits took me the rest of the way. And my decision did not mean I walked away from happiness. Instead, I embraced a new kind of happiness. A much harder kind, but a richer kind as well.”
Sarah studied Ada’s profile, and Ada felt the older woman’s gaze as if stripped bare.
Tears rose in her eyes, and she pressed her eyelids closed to hold them in tight. So silly. No reason to cry.
“Are you happy, Ada?” Sarah whispered.
Ada’s eyes popped open. She stretched a smile across her lips. “Of course! Why do you ask?”
“Let’s say a soul who has once been sad recognizes another.”
Ada could not keep the tears at bay, then. She barked a choked laugh as they flowed drop by drop. “I suppose I’m… disappointed. London has been so very different than anything I’ve known before.” Bigger. Intimidating. “And I’m happy to finally get to know Aunt Lola and to have Father home. I’m happy you’re here, that you brought him home.” She grasped both Sarah’s hands in her own, needing her feel and know how very important she was.
Sarah shook her head. “No, dear,youbrought him home. His love for his children is what endeared me to your father. He knew it would, the rogue.” She smiled. “I swear he used it against me like a weapon. Showed me the giant pockets he’d had sewn in his coats to hold all the treasures for his children. My heart melted on the spot and then solidified, Henry-shaped. Calculating old man.”
Discomfort pinched the spot between Ada’s shoulders, and she rolled them once, twice, to dislodge the feeling. Thinking that her father loved her did not yet come naturally. It may never do so. She cleared her throat but not the discomfort. He’d abandoned them for so long, left her to mop up everyone’s tears. “I’m happy, Sarah. But… I do not know. I feel… lost. As if I’ve misplaced my compass, and I’m roaming a desert. It’s not that I can’t find my way home, either. It’s that I don’t know where home is.” She twisted her hands in her skirts. “For you, books offered a home, and you find your home with my father. For me?” She shook her head. “I can’t say.” She’d felt, briefly, as if she had purpose, a direction, when she’d made her deal with Lord Albee.
Then he’d warned her off, sent her running, and she’d let him.
“Sarah?” Ada asked.
“Mmm?”
“I’m not sure what I should do.”
“About what?”
“Life. Ha!” She pressed her lips together then looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve spent most of my youth so far caring for the children. And now… that is no longer what I do. I’m to have a season, a coming out, despite my serious suitor.”
“You do not have to marry Lucas if you do not wish to.”
“Yes, well, Lucas certainly expects it.” And with good reason. She tried not to blush, thinking of that night, what she’d given to him, what she’d done for herself. She did not regret it, but the world would expect her to if they knew. She’d certainly cornered herself with the act, limited her own options.
“So,” Sarah said, “enjoy your season—the balls, the gowns, the gentlemen callers. London itself is enthralling. When I lived here before, I existed outside the glittering life of the ton. You do not. You’ll fit right in. It’s where you belong.”
Ada questioned the truth of that. “London.” She rolled the word on her tongue. “I’m not entirely sure I’m enthralled. It’s rather loud and dirty.”
