Page 26 of Traitorous Lies
Grinding her against him again, he couldn’t have stopped his hips thrusting if his very life depended on it. This woman had burst into hislife like a breath of fresh air he hadn't even known he needed. For so long his life had been focused on only one thing. But his family’s quest for answers was almost over, and he was starting to think more about what his life would look like after they’d proved their parents weren't traitors but victims.
Monique.
His soul screamed at him that that’s what his life should look like.
She was everything he needed and more than he ever could have hoped for.
The problem was, she was also more than he deserved.
When her hands fumbled at his waistband, Jax finally snapped to his senses. He couldn’t do this. It would be an even worse betrayal than the one he was already committing. While it was easy to say it now, days later, he knew what he should have done was tell her everything when they’d been in that van. It would have been before feelings started to develop, and given that they were being abducted, she might have believed what he told her about her father.
Now he’d missed that opportunity, but if he didn't want to permanently lose a chance with her, he had to stop this before it went too far. Before he did something he couldn’t take back and violated her trust.
“Princess, we can't,” he murmured as he tore his lips away from hers.
Heavy-lidded eyes burning with desire slowly morphed into confusion. “You don’t want to?” she asked, vulnerability creeping into her tone.
“We shouldn’t,” he answered, not willing to lie and say he didn't want to because he absolutely did. Since he wasn't strong enough to keep touching her and not take what she was offering, he used his grip on her hips to lift her and set her down on the ground beside him.
“I'm sorry.”
Her whisper burned inside him like acid. She shouldn’t be apologizing to him, he should be the one apologizing to her. He was the one lying to her, keeping secrets. Monique had done nothing wrong, and yet he could see her curling in on herself, shutting down, erecting barriers between them.
Pushing her away was the right thing to do, yet he’d hurt her.
Being stuck between a rock and a hard place sucked.
November 3rd
5:29 P.M.
She was such an idiot.
Monique had been drowning in embarrassment ever since that disaster of a seduction attempt this morning.
Okay, sure, being flirty and sexy had never really been her strong suit. It kind of went against the whole introvert thing. Or maybe it was just because she’d never really felt safe with any of her previous partners. She’d known but not wanted to acknowledge that those men had only really been with her because of her last name and the advantages they thought they’d get by attaching themselves to her.
It wasn't like that with Jax.
She just felt connected to him, and thought he felt the same way.
Only it was obvious that he didn't.
Maybe he felt something, but it wasn't the same as what she was feeling. What she was feeling was all-consuming enough to give her confidence she never would have thought herself possible of.
Sex had been a touchy subject for her, given that her first experiences weren't what they were supposed to be. But she’d come a long way in the last twelve years, and she’d gotten to a point where sex was enjoyable even if it wasn't mind-blowing.
With Jax it would be mind-blowing. That she was absolutely certain of.
Too bad he hadn't felt the same way.
For the first time since she met him at the Halloween gala, things were awkward between them. It was disconcerting even if given the fact that she’d only met Jax a few days ago and things should have been awkward between them all along.
But they hadn't been, and she’d been reveling in that fact. It was so amazing to meet someone who you just immediately connected with,and she didn't want that to change. Why had she stupidly thought that he’d want to have sex with her?
Especially out there when their lives were on the line.
Her timing couldn’t have been worse, and she couldn’t really blame him for not wanting to sleep with her on the dirty forest floor. And looking back and trying to take her emotions out of it, when she’d asked him if he didn't want to have sex with her, he hadn't said yes. What he’d said was that they shouldn’t, not that he didn't want to.
