Page 27 of Traitorous Lies
Was she being ridiculous in holding onto that tiny distinction?
Just because he hadn't said he didn't want to didn't mean he actually wasn't interested in sex with her. Maybe he just wanted to wait until they were safe and back home and he could do it all romantic. She bet that under all the muscle, Jax was a romantic at heart.
Maybe she was blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Just because she’d stepped out of her comfort zone and tried to instigate something she really didn't have any right doing under these circumstances, didn't mean that he was rejecting her. And just because being rejected was a sore spot for her didn't mean she should be taking her frustration and hurt out on him.
He had every right to say no, just like she would have if things had been reversed.
“Jax?” she said tentatively, breaking the oppressive silence that had smothered them all day. That wasn't what she wanted. Her feelings had been hurt, sure, but she still liked Jax and didn't want to lose him. At the very least, she hoped they could walk away from this whole ordeal as friends.
“Yeah?” He stopped walking and turned to face her. There was hope in his dark eyes as well as relief, and it helped to know he hadn't liked the tension simmering between them either.
“I'm sorry about earlier.” Monique really was. She wished she could go back and undo it, but she couldn’t. Humiliating herself in front of the man she had a crush on was not something she was going to repeat, but she also didn't want it to ruin things.
“Damn, princess, don’t be sorry. I wanted to. Badly. I just can't … not like this. It wouldn't be right, it would be taking advantage.” There was a plea in his voice that was echoed in his expression, begging her to believe that it hadn't been a rejection.
She wanted to believe that.
After all, Jax didn't seem to care about her last name, so he wasn't using her for anything, and he had kissed her back. In the end, she had two choices. She could believe him and they could move forward, or she could not and things would remain tense.
Put like that, it was an easy choice.
“Okay,” she agreed. While she didn't see how it could be taking advantage when she was the one to initiate it, it was clear he saw it that way, and who was she to argue with how he interpreted things?
“Okay?” he repeated like he hardly dared to hope that she was letting him off the hook.
“Yeah. I mean, I still feel embarrassed, but I get why I'm not the most attractive woman you’ve met right now.” Giving a self-deprecating laugh, Monique looked down at herself, at the too-big borrowed shoes, the pants that were rolled up too many times to look fashionable, at the suit jacket that looked silly with the tactical pants from the dead guard. She was dirty, smelled bad, her hair was a mess, and there were bruises and swelling on her face. Why would he want to have sex with her right now?
A growl rumbled through Jax’s chest. Startling both her and her new little fox baby.
Setting the little bundle down, he grabbed her roughly, yanking her off her feet and up against his hard body. Pure instinct had her wrapping her legs around his hips, bringing the bulge in his pants right up against her needy center.
“You better not say that again,” he snarled.
“S-say what?” she stammered. It was hard to think when she was this close to him. When she could feel his chest heaving as it pressed against hers, his warm breath puffing against her lips, because held like this, they were eye to eye, which meant they were also lips to lips.
Don’t embarrass yourself again.
Don’t be stupid.
Remember what he said.
Respect his boundaries.
If she didn't remind herself of that, she was likely to humiliate herself all over again by grinding against his thickening length and begging him to let her touch him, to have him touch her.
“That you aren't the most attractive woman I've ever laid eyes on. Hell, you're the most beautiful woman in the entire world. It doesn’t matter what you're wearing, it doesn’t matter if you're dirty and injured. You. Are. Stunning. Do you know why you're so beautiful?”
His words still swirling around inside her head, leaving her dumbfounded, all Monique could do was shake her head.
“Because of this.” Leaning down, he touched a light kiss to her chest, right above where her heart was pounding wildly. “You have the biggest heart I've ever seen. You care about people and animals. You were prepared to put yourself on the line for me. You are unapologetically you, and you don’t let the fact that others see you differently influence you or make you act differently.”
“They don’t know me, it doesn’t matter what they think,” she whispered, mesmerized by his words and the passion with which he spoke them.
“Damn right. They don’t know you. But you're letting me get to know you and that’s such a privilege, princess. You have no idea how badly I want to make love to you, but not here, not now. Do you understand? It has absolutely nothing to do with you, and I don’t want you to waste a single second feeling embarrassed when the fact that you want me makes me feel like king of the world. Get it?”
All she could do was nod.
How could she not believe him when he spoke from his heart?
