Page 40 of Traitorous Lies
Letting out a sigh as the plane hit the runway, signaling the end of the ordeal the last several hours had been, she looked out the window at the dark early morning. It was weird to be back home, even though she should have returned a couple of days ago.
France had not turned out the way she’d envisioned, and in the worst possible way.
She hadn't just allowed Jax to have sex with her, she’d asked for the things she’d always wanted. Now those memories, which should have been badges of courage for her finally standing up for herself and her desires, felt dirty and tainted.
How would she ever be able to trust a man with what she needed again?
How would she trust anyone again?
It seemed this was a lesson she was doomed to have to learn repeatedly because she couldn’t seem to get it through her head. The only way she was ever going to get a relationship where she didn't have to second-guess the person’s reasons for being with her was if she married one of the men her grandmother was always trying to set her up with.
The problem was, if she married any of them she was basically pimping herself out as part of a business contract where her family could expand its wealth along with the family of whoever she married. Itwouldn't be for love, and there was a good chance her husband would cheat on her as it would be a marriage in name only.
That wasn't the life she wanted either.
All she wanted was to just be her.
Just be Monique who loved animals and was a little shy and introverted unless she felt comfortable with the people she was with. No Kerr. Just take her last name right out of the equation so she could just be herself.
Too bad all that could ever be was a wish.
The plane stopped moving, and she unclicked her seatbelt and grabbed the bag someone had packed for her. She was grateful that Jax’s brothers had assumed she would be with him when they found him and brought along a few outfits for her, so she wasn't stuck in the clothes borrowed from the dead guard. The jeans were comfortable, and the sweater soft and pink, the material brushing lightly against the bite wound on her breast.
Yesterday, that wound had been something she was proud of, now it was nothing but a slightly painful reminder of the biggest mistake of her life.
At least it would fade.
Unlike the emotional scars of opening herself up to a man who was only using her. Not just using her but had singled her out and traveled the globe to arrange a meeting. If he’d just asked her about her dad and explained his family’s situation from the beginning, she would have been happy to donate a sample of blood for DNA testing. There had been no need for the whole charade.
Ignoring the guys—who had thankfully left her alone once they got on the plane to fly home—she headed out of the plane, dragging in a breath of fresh air. They’d all be flying on to Maine, but they’d dropped her off in Vermont first. Another thing she was grateful for.
Rifling through her purse, which Jax’s brothers had collected from the crashed car, she pulled out her cell phone. Apparently, the small private airfield they’d landed in was about an hour away from her property, so she might have a bit of a wait for an Uber to come get her, but at least she’d be home soon.
“There’s a car waiting to take you home.”
Startling at the unexpected voice behind her, her hand flew to her chest where her heart was racing, and she spun around to find Jax standing just behind her. Unfortunately, her hand rested right above the bite mark he’d left behind, and she felt her anger surging.
Why couldn’t he have just been honest with her?
Why play her like a fool?
Why have sex with her when he was only there to try to get intel from her?
It was such a violation of her trust, and it left her feeling dirty and used.
“Oh, uh, thanks,” she mumbled. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate being able to get home quicker, it was just that everything felt awkward with Jax now. The amazing thing with him had been that from the very beginning, everything felt so natural, like she’d known him her entire life. Now she realized she’d never really known him at all.
How much of the last few days was real, and how much of it had been an act?
The problem was, she honestly didn't know, and that made none of it feel real even as she knew some of the things he’d told her had been true.
Because as far as she was concerned, there was nothing left to say, Monique turned and headed for the small building she assumed would lead to an exit, only to be stopped when Jax darted out a hand to circle her wrist.
“Wait, please, can we talk?” he asked, his voice lacking its usual confidence.
“I don’t see what else there is to talk about.” Nothing was going to change that their whole relationship, extremely brief though it had been, was a lie. Not because it had to be, but because he’d chosen to play things out that way.
“We were desperate, Monique.”
