Page 67 of Traitorous Lies
Saw only what he wanted to.
“I think I’ll move my things to a different room,” she said softlyas she moved to collect her suitcase, which was still on the floor by the huge wooden wardrobe that dominated one wall of the room. She’d put her things inside it, and in the dresser drawers, now she’d have to put them all back in the suitcase and move, but it would be worth it to put some distance between herself and Jax.
“No, you stay here, I’ll find another room if that’s what you want,” Jax told her.
Monique shook her head. All his brothers and their partners were on this floor, and she wanted space from all of them.
As she began to gather her items together, she could sense Jax’s frustration growing. Whether it was at her, himself, or the situation, she had no idea. Nor did she particularly care.
What she needed was to get out of this place, be alone, and clear her mind so she could try to think. Maybe she couldn’t leave this property, but she could leave the house, leave the room at the very least.
Abandoning her task halfway through it, with a pile of clothes lying on the bed ready to be packed into the suitcase, Monique fled toward the door.
“Stop, please, can we talk this through? Can I explain?” Jax asked.
A pleading quality to his voice made her hesitate. The polite thing to do would be to stay and see what he’d say, talk about it, let him explain, and share her feelings. But she didn't want to do that.
Right now, she wasn't feeling much of anything.
Just a dull emptiness. Kind of like when you were really hungry and your stomach felt like it was clawing at itself to find the smallest bit of nutrition that it could to soothe it. Only the empty ache wasn't in her stomach, it was in her heart. Deeper than that, it was in her soul.
All her life she’d wanted only one thing.
To be seen.
Something she’d thought she found with Jax.
When she didn't say anything, he must have taken that as an acquiescence because he moved toward her again, and she couldn’t take it. There was too much anger, too much sadness, too much betrayal, and they were all lost inside a sea of emptiness that she physically hurt from the lack of anything solid to find footingon.
Shaking her head at him, she turned and ran.
Where she was going, she wasn't really sure.
All she knew was that she couldn’t be there.
Flying through the house, somehow she managed to find her way through the rabbit warren of corridors back to the stairs. Several times she almost tripped as she ran down the three flights back to the ground floor, but thankfully she didn't. The last thing she needed was an injury that would force her to be reliant on people she couldn’t trust.
When she threw open the front door and the cold air hit her face, Monique relaxed a tiny bit. Fresh air had always been the thing that soothed her, from the time she was a tiny girl who would sneak away from her grandmother’s boring lessons and approved activities to roam the grounds of the family estate. It was where she first learned to love and care for animals.
It was only as she ran for the trees ringing the house that she realized for the first time how desperate she was to have someone care for her the same way she cared for all the animals that came into her rescue. She could take care of herself, had been doing it most of her life, but it would be so nice to have someonewantto do it.
Maybe that’s why she’d fallen so hard and fast for Jax. He gave off such an air of confidence and capability that it was hard not to fall under that spell. While he had protected her and helped keep her alive in France, and when they’d been attacked both times, he’d done it with ulterior motives.
Once the trees swallowed her up she began to slow. She felt safe, covered by a protective ring of trees, she didn't have to worry about being seen or not because nobody was out there but her. That was why she’d always gravitated toward her own company. When you craved being seen, it hurt to be in a sea of people and not have a single one look hard enough to see you. But when you were alone, you took being seen out of the equation.
Dropping to her knees in the soft dirt, Monique hung her head and allowed her tears to fall.
Jax had called her a child, and maybe in some ways she was. Because she’d always clung to the notion that one day her time would comewhere she’d get her fairytale ending. Find her Prince Charming, be swept off her feet, and live happily ever after.
It was time to accept that it was never going to happen.
It was time to accept that she had to change herself to fit the world she lived in.
It was time to move on and leave childish notions behind.
Chapter
Eighteen
