Page 73 of Traitorous Lies
I'm driven crazy by yours.
“Do you mean that?” he asked.
“Mean what?” Her brows drew together in confusion, and he almost whooped in relief at the small gesture of normalcy.
“Your may I help you. Was it real? Did you mean it?”
“Uh … yeah … I guess …” Monique stammered, clearly trying to figure out where he was going with this and if she could continue to maintain her air of politeness that she seemed intent on clinging to.
“Good. You can help me by dropping the act you have going on.”
“There’s no—” Pausing as though catching herself, Monique drew in a deep breath and schooled her features back into one of polite indifference.
“Uh-uh. You just said may you help me, and I said you could help me by stopping being someone that you're not.”
A spark of frustration flickered to life in her eyes before she could cover it. “How would you know who I am anyway?” she snapped before once again smoothing away her anger and shoving it back down.
No.
He didn't want that.
Jax would gladly take every bit of anger she had. It was all well-deserved, and he wanted to shoulder it for her so she could let it go and be free.
“I know you, I see you. I messed up. I'm not denying that. But I'm fully prepared to get to my knees and beg for forgiveness.”
Actually, that wasn't a bad idea.
Too bad he hadn't thought of it earlier.
Doing just that, Jax dropped to his knees in front of the porch swing where Monique was curled up, making her eyebrows jump to the top of her head.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
“Exactly what I said. I'm so sorry, Monique. I lashed out in fear theother day. I know you don’t see it because you're loyal to your father, but he’s not a good man. He’s dangerous, cold, and unfeeling, and will do anything to protect himself. Including hurting you. Your loyalty is making you vulnerable, and the thought of you getting hurt …” Jax sucked in a breath because he couldn’t even finish that sentence out loud. Felt like that would be bad luck, and Jake was right, he had needed good luck that day.
Now he definitely needed a miracle.
“I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. You are not spoiled, immature, or a child. You are a beautiful, brave, strong woman who lived through a horrific ordeal as a teen and came out the other side even more beautiful, brave, and strong. You know who you are, and you haven’t let your family pressure you into being who they want you to be. I like the woman you are. I like your passion when it comes to caring for animals. I like how you put people at ease because you're so genuine. I like every single thing about you, and I want the real Monique Kerr back. So if you were serious about the may I help you, then please do that. Please be you again.”
His impassioned speech had rendered her silent in shock, if the way she stared at him, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, was any indication.
Good.
He hoped he’d gotten through to her at least a little bit.
When she finally let loose and let him have it for the way he’d talked about her, he’d know that he’d gotten through to her.
“Can you do that for me?” he asked, resisting the urge to reach out to her. As badly as he wanted her in his arms, she didn't feel the same right now and she deserved his respect for her boundaries. She deserved a whole lot more, but this was something small he could give her right now as they built back toward bigger things.
“I … I don’t know,” Monique whispered, momentarily letting her guard down and showing some of the vulnerability she was feeling.
Unfortunately, he got where she was coming from. She’d spent her whole life having her grandparents try to mold her into who they wanted her to be, and then the media portrayed her as something she wasn't. She’d told him herself that all she wanted was to be seen, andshe’d allowed him to see the real her only to have it thrown back in her face.
It was no wonder she was wary about trying to be herself again.
“Can you try?” he asked.
Maybe that was too big an ask for her right now, but he couldn’t stand seeing her stifle herself. She deserved to be free to be whoever she wanted to be, and to be seen for that person and nothing else.
