Page 74 of Traitorous Lies
“I can try,” she said softly, and a sliver of the guilt and regret smothering him slid away.
A baby step, but a step nonetheless.
“Perfect. Because you're perfect just the way you are. Anyone who can't see you is an idiot. Myself included,” he added with a self-deprecating grin, and was rewarded by a tiny smile from Monique. “I won't ever allow my fear, or any other emotion, let me speak words that hurt you. Never again.”
That was a vow he intended to keep even though he didn't expect her to believe it right now.
“If you're feeling up to it, I have a surprise around the back. Something we’re all going to do together,” he told her. Just because he had made baby steps this afternoon didn't mean he could let up. Not even for a second.
Jax was fighting the most important battle of his life in regaining Monique’s trust, and he intended to give it his all.
November 12th
3:00 P.M
I can try.
Those words seemed stuck in her head as Monique remained where she was, curled up in a blanket on the porch swing, Lion’s carved hedgehog held tightly in her hands, waiting for Jax to tell her what this surprise he had planned was.
Although she’d said the words, she wasn't sure how true they were.
Right now, she didn't think she could be her real self around Jax and his family. She wasn't even sure if she could be her real self when she went back home either. But she also wasn't sure she could ever really be who her grandparents wanted her to be.
Her fingers stroked the soft wood she held, and she decided she didn't have to figure it out right now.
Maybe what she needed was to get out of her head for a little while.
Jax had apologized, and it wasn't like she’d never spoken words in the heat of emotion that she wished she could take back, in fact, she doubted there was a person alive who had never done that. There was still some anger, although it was fading a little, and there was still a whole lot of hurt, but she did believe that he was sorry. He’d told her several times, and was trying to undo the damage he knew his words had caused by showing her little things he’d seen in her or remembered.
The problem was, she wasn't sure the damage could be undone.
Of all the things he could have said in fear he’d chosen words he knew would tear her down, and that bothered her. Just because he said he’d never do it again didn't mean that he wouldn't.
How could she take the risk of handing over her trust again when she wasn't sure it wouldn't be abused?
Because Jax is a good guy.
The words whispered through her mind, spoken clearly in Lion’s voice, and she tried to grab onto them and hold them.
“Well, I remember how much fun we had around the fire at night in the forest while we were lost in France,” Jax said, his voice lacking the usual confidence she was used to hearing in it. “Those moments were fun despite our situation. And I remember you told me you’d always wanted to sit around a fire pit at night and make S'mores and tell ghost stories. So I thought we could build a pit this afternoon and then christen it tonight.”
Another small sliver of her anger fell away. He really had remembered every single thing she’d told him about herself, and he was working so hard to prove that to her.
The thing was it was working. The more he showed her that he’d seen her, heard her, and acknowledged it by doing those things for her, she took another step toward forgiving him.
What happened when she reached that place, Monique wasn't sure yet. Forgiving and putting herself back in a position where she could be hurt were two different things. But for now, at least one of the wounds on her heart healed.
“Okay,” she agreed, letting the blanket she’d tucked around her shoulders fall down.
“Yeah?” Jax raised a hopeful brow like he’s mostly expected her to turn down his offer.
Not that she could blame him, she hadn't wanted to interact with him or his family for the last couple of days. But closing herself off from everyone wasn't making her feel any better, it was making her feel worse. More isolated, more alone, less unsure of her place in the world.
“Yeah,” she repeated, managing to offer up a ghost of a smile, the best she could do under these circumstances.
“Perfect.” His face broke into one of those full-on grins that did crazy things to her hormones.
Once he’d stood, giving her space to put her legs down, she swung them down and pushed to her feet, still holding onto her hedgehog.
