Page 77 of Traitorous Lies
“That’s what I was planning, but if you’d feel more comfortable if we brought someone else along, just tell me and I’ll go and ask Cassandra, or Lion, or whoever would make you feel the most at ease.” While he wanted one-on-one time with Monique, more than that he wanted to make sure she was happy and comfortable, so if she wanted company, then that’s what they’d do.
“Really?” There was a slight skeptical arch to one of her eyebrows, and while it hurt to know she doubted everything, even the smallest of things when it came to him, at least she was no longer pretending she didn't care.
Those couple of days where she’d been completely withdrawn and shut down had been some of the scariest of his life.
“Of course.”
Ever so slowly she closed her book and then pushed to her feet. Her hand trembled slightly as it reached out to take the coat, and her expression was thoughtful as she shrugged into it. “No, it’s okay. I guess it can just be us.”
Not quite the enthusiasm he would have liked, but at least she agreed to go somewhere alone with him.
Probably more than he should have hoped for.
Slipping her feet into her boots, which had been sitting on the floor beside her chair, she looked at him expectantly, and he took a moment to drink in the sight of her. While she may not be smiling at him, she wasn't looking at him in anger, or sadness either, and the trust that she offered without even realizing it warmed him. She didn't know where they were going beyond a walk in the woods, yet she knew he wouldn't take her anywhere dangerous.
Resisting the urge to reach for her hand, Jax started walking toward the French doors that opened onto a small patio. Monique followed him, and together they headed outside, across the lawn, and into the trees.
As soon as they were surrounded by the tall fir trees, he felt Monique’s anxiety levels drop a little. This was where she was most at home, and if he could earn his way back into her life, he would move out with her to her rescue. It wasn't so far away from his brothers that he wouldn't still be able to see them often, and he could travel easily to join them when they were planning a mission.
“Jax.” Monique gasped as they reached the spot he’d been walking toward. “How did you know? Did Lion tell you about this place?”
“I asked him if there was a special spot you went to out here, one that you’d feel safe in, and he mentioned this one.” Glancing around the tiny clearing, dominated by the huge rock, he hoped he’d gotten the details as close to perfect as possible. It was a gamble given he hadn't actually seen the photo that Monique treasured, but he’d done his best.
“It looks … it’s like … the balloons tied to the trees, the bubbles, the picnic blanket … it’s all exactly like in the photo I have of me and my mom right before she left. How … did you see it somehow?”
“No.”
“Then how did you get it just the way it looks in the picture?”
“I listened.” He took a step closer, somehow resisting the urge to reach out and touch her because she looked wound tight. “To every word you said. Everything you told me.”
“No.” Desperately, she shook her head as she took a step back.
“Yes,” he contradicted firmly, not to upset her but because it was true.
“No,” she said again, taking another step away from him. “No. You don’t get to pretend that you listened to everything I said, everything I told you. Not after you threw it all back in my face.”
With each word that flew from her lips, her tone grew louder, shriller, angrier.
It was the explosion he’d been waiting for, and he was surprised she’d managed to keep her emotions locked down tight for so many days.
“How could you say those words to me? How could you take the thing you know causes me the most pain and use it against me? There were so many things you could have said to me in anger or fear, but you chose that. You chose to be cruel. I told you how much I hate how the media portrays me, how my grandparents want me to be, how desperately I want to be seen for me. Why would you do that to me?” Tears streamed down her cheeks, and there was a plea in her voice like she wanted some magic answer that would make everything better.
But there was none.
All he could give her was honesty, accountability, and promises not to do it again.
“I can't excuse my behavior,” he told her. “But I’m owning it, acknowledging it’s something I need to work on to make sure it doesn’t happen again, and apologizing for it.”
“Saying sorry doesn’t take back the pain. I trusted you, I forgave you once already, and you still took my biggest vulnerability and exploited it. Those words you flung at me felt like knives carving into my heart and stealing away pieces of it. I let you see the real me because I thought you were different. But you weren't different. You didn't see the real me, you saw only what you wanted to see, and part of me hates you for that.”
Her words hurt, but he craved her honesty, so Jax simply nodded.
“And why are you just standing there now, taking everything I'm saying? Why are you being so understanding about it all? Don’t you care?”
“Oh, princess. I care. Each word you say hurts because it’s your pain, and I caused it. But I deserve your anger, I deserve to hear what I did to you.” Closing the distance between them in a single step, Jax did reach out this time and grab her arms, hauling her up against him. “Don’t ever think that I don’t care. I care, and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you didn't make a mistake showing me your true self. I see you, I remember everything you told me about yourself, and I want to learn everything else there is to know about you.”
“I want to believe you, but I don’t.”
