Page 90 of The Boss I Can't Stand
“I don’tblameher for her struggles,” I said. “I’ve just stopped expecting different results.”
“Exactly,” Connor said. “Which is just as hard on her.”
“Hard onher?” I said, trying and failing not to sound offended. Connor had been there for our shitty childhood just like I had been.
“Just look at that family dinner she hosted at Liam’s,” he continued. “You already had your chef on standby. You didn’t even give her a chance; you just planned for her to let us down.”
“And she did! Do you not remember that disgusting appetizer?” I said.
“I think the point is you’realwaysplanning for her to fall apart,” Liam said. “And that’s maybe what’s standing in the way of you having a good relationship with her.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes those plans came in handy and saved our asses,” I said.
“I’m not saying that’s not true,” Liam agreed, “but I think your refusalto see anything other than her failures means you’ve always treated her like a bomb about to go off.”
I nodded, failing to see the issue. “Which means I’m prepared when disaster strikes.”
“But it also means you’ve never really bothered getting to know theotherparts of her,” Connor said. “She’s smart, funny, interesting…I just think you might actually find something in common with her if you got to know the person she really is—the one that therapy and treatment has helped her find—instead of always expecting her to be the worst version of herself.”
“And I know that’s hard,” Liam cut in, “but things between Mom and me have gotten a lot better recently. It could be like that with you, too. I think that would really mean a lot to her—and it would be good for you to stop being so braced for disaster.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be prepared,” I said defensively. “With wanting to have a plan in place to deal with things before they get too messy or too complicated.”
“Okay, but tell me this,” Connor said. “Is there really a single good thing in your life that’snotbeen messy or complicated?”
I considered his question.Every Daywas a good thing, but I couldn’t deny that it had had its fair share of messes. And Sierra had been a great thing, but that had imploded, leaving me in the middle of a disaster zone. The more I thought about it, the more I was forced to admit that every important relationship, every major achievement, all had their complications.
“Exactly,” Connor said, taking my silence for agreement. “Just look at me. My divorce was a mess. I suppose you could say that if I’d never met Ali, if I’d never pursued her, my life would be far less complicated. But then I wouldn’t have Grace. And don’t you think she’s worth all that mess and trouble?”
“And think of all the headaches I had withEnd in Fire,” Liam said. “It was those messy problems that eventually brought me and Mia together. I’m not saying mess is easy, but sometimes it’s worth slogging through.”
“And sometimes avoiding problems is the right choice,” I said, pushing back. “The situation with Layla was a mess. You’re saying I should have stuck around and tried to make that work even after she cheated on me?”
“No, of course not!” Connor said, mopping up his fallen birria meat with tortilla chips. “It’s the right call to end a relationship when only one person in it is trying to make it work. But when someone loves you and is putting in the effort to meet you halfway, then I’d say you’re an idiot to throw that away just because it’s hard.”
“No one worth loving is going to fit your idea of perfection,” Liam said. “I’m worried you’re going to spend the rest of your life trying to jam people into boxes that don’t exist, only to wake up and realize that no one else is interested in the little act you’ve got going on. And if there’s no one there to perform for, why are you putting yourself through that?”
Sure, okay, maybe they had a point. Mom was never going to be the mom I’d always wanted when I was a boy, but that didn’t mean I had to close the door to having an actual relationship with her—one based on who she was rather than who I either wanted or feared her to be. And…wait… “We’re still just talking about Mom, right?”
“Well, gee,” Connor said, making a goofy face at me. “There wouldn’t happen to be another amazingly complex woman you blew your chance at a relationship with, would there?”
I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm. “Point taken.”
“Finally,” Connor said, reaching for one of the tacos in front of me. “Because the same lesson applies here with Sierra about seizing the chance to be happy.”
Liam nodded in agreement. “It’s time to embrace the mess, Finn.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Time to set ‘The Face’ aside and go after all the perfectly imperfect things in this world that make life worth living.”
32
SIERRA
“I’m actually thinking about breaking my own rules,” Ro said.
“A second date?” I gasped into the phone, putting down the garment I was working on for Ro’s latest self-produced short film to take another swig of my coffee. She was scheduled to tackle the three-day shoot starting this weekend now that people were gearing up for work again following the holiday season. “No. Not Ro One-Date Gilmore. It’s some kind of post-Christmas miracle.”
“I know!” she said. “Who even am I anymore?”
“I have no idea.” It was almost eleven a.m., and I was still waiting for her to get home from a night out. “I guess the sex was just that good.”
