Page 100 of The Boss I Can't Stand
Mom took me by the arm then, leaning close enough to say, “When I popped out to the bathroom earlier, I saw her leave the building.”
A crushing weight wrapped around my heart. I’d clawed my way to this win, bending my life around this movie for months. And it had all paid off in exactly the way I’d wanted it to. I should have felt triumphant. I should have felt whole. But the only thing I could register through the disorienting waves of applause was Sierra’s absence.
She wasn’t backstage. She wasn’t in her seat. She was simply…gone. Winning this award was supposed to mean something. The prestige and the recognition from my peers and the boon to my reputation were all supposed to be enough to make me feel…good? Right? Complete?
X waved me toward the mic. I barely registered the weight of the award in my hands as I stood there, staring down at everything I’d wanted. Or…everything IthoughtI’d wanted. Because now the Oscar was more of a placeholder than a prize.
Standing up here without Sierra, winning felt as hollow as the smile I so often forced. The one Sierra had called me out on. I opened my mouth to start talking, but instead of the list of thank-yous, all I coulddo was wonder if Sierra was sitting in front of a TV somewhere, watching. No matter how—deservedly—angry she was at me, surely she’d be watching. She cared about this movie, would want to know if it had won the big prize.
And if shewaswatching, maybe this was how I reached her. Maybe this was how I told her everything I longed to say. I looked out at the audience, my prepared speech washing away as I threw all my plans out the window.
Finn “The Face” Lockhart—the guy who was prepared for everything—I didn’t want to be him anymore. I wanted to be the guy who put his heart on the line and proved that nothing mattered more to him than the woman he loved.
Maybe that man deserved a second chance.
I cleared my throat. “This was supposed to be the moment that made everything worth it, you know? All of you out there tonight…you don’t know how badly I’ve wanted exactly this award, this chance to stand in front of all of you and receive the ultimate proof that my work is good and valuable and respected.”
I stared down at the statuette in my hand. “This was supposed to make me happy,” I said softly. “But it doesn’t. Am I grateful for the award? Yes, absolutely. I believe in this movie, and I’m beyond thrilled at the reception it has gotten. But there’s only one thing that could truly make me happy, and that’s another chance with the love of my life.”
A gasp ran through the crowd. This wasnotthe speech they’d expected. But now that I’d started, I wasn’t about to stop.
“From the moment we met, Sierra Banks has challenged me, exasperated me,rattledme. I thought I was so untouchable, but she always knew exactly how to get past my walls. It drove me crazy from the moment I met her, but at the same time, it made me feel so damnalive. Like I was finallylivinginstead of just putting on a show. Which is ironic, given that we wereliterallyputting on a show for all of you.”
A murmur echoed through the audience.
“Yeah,” I confessed, “the engagement you all read about in the gossip columns was fake, based on a photo taken totally out of context. We played along with it because we wanted the publicity for our picture.”
The murmuring grew louder.Muchlouder.
“But what we never expected,” my voice cracked a little, despite all my efforts to keep it steady, “was that we’d really fall in love. And I definitely never expected to screw it all up. To throw away the best thing that ever happened to me, all because I was too blind to see what really mattered.”
My hand tightened around the Oscar as if I might strangle it. “I’ve spent my whole life perfecting my mask. I’m an expert at looking like I don’t care. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to hide my feelings. I’m not ashamed anymore to put my real self out there and tell the whole world who I am. I’m a screwup. I’m a mess. I’m so head-over-heels in love that I’mridiculouswith it, and if that makes you all want to laugh at me, go right ahead. I couldn’t care less.”
I stared into the barrel of the nearest camera. “Because I love you, Sierra. Nothing matters more to me than you—not this award, not my career, not even my own dignity. I love you more than all of that.”
The “get off the stage now” music started playing as I thrust the Oscar into the air. “So here’s to love!” The audience cheered. “And to being brave enough to chase after it. If you’re out there, Sierra. If you’re watching this now and if there’s any part of you that might be willing to give me another chance, meet me at home. Please. There’s something I need to show you.”
I stumbled back from the mic and shoved the Oscar into Mom’s hands. I half heard her say something about how proud she was of me, but I wasn’t listening as I took off running through the theater, hoping and praying Sierra would show up.
37
SIERRA
“Oh Lord,” I muttered, watching Finn dash across the stage. At the same time, the host stepped back up to the mic, tripping over his words only a little as he wrapped up the ceremony and wished everyone a good night, as if everything was normal. As if the world hadn’t just turned itself upside down.
I grabbed the remote from the couch. It trembled in my hand as my heartbeat rushed in my ears.
“Well, Mel,” an announcer said as the ceremony’s credits started running. “It’s certainly been an interesting night here at the Oscars.”
“Yes, lots of big drama!”
“If you’re still with us at home, don’t go away. We’ve got all the highlights right here on?—”
I turned the TV off, my thoughts whirring one hundred miles an hour as I snagged my keys off the kitchen counter. Purse. Where the hell was my purse? I whirled around, checking the usual places, spotting it under the coffee table.
My phone rang.Ro. “Hello?”
“Where are you right now?” she demanded.
