Page 9 of Rejected Nanny Mate
That stopped her in her tracks. Gwen blinked up at me a few times, and there in the silence, I was able to really look into her eyes, and what I saw made my stomach clench.
She wasn't just mad at me. She was hurt and in pain. I knew that I'd caused it, but I'd had no idea how intensely she was still feeling it. It was why she was leaving, to avoid being hurt again. It shouldn't have been a surprise that she would have refused me. Gwen probably thought this was just another manipulation, another way to get close to her without giving her what she really wanted—a genuine connection.
I don't know why I did it, but seeing that pain in her eyes made me open my mouth and start to talk, “Listen, Gwen, I know that you have no reason to believe anything I say, but just hear me out. I... haven’t made the best decisions over the past few years. As an Alpha, I have everything under control, but as far as my personal life goes...well, it's a fucking mess.”
She crossed her arms, putting her weight on one hip, dropping the duffle bag to the ground with a splat. “Explain.”
I dragged a hand through my hair, suddenly feeling put on the spot. I was an Alpha, dammit. Why did I have to explain myself to a random Omega from another pack?
Except I'd offered up the information first. And she was far from a random Omega. She was Gwen Beaufort—sweet, funny, smart, and endlessly loving Gwen Beaufort. Gwen Beaufort, maybe the only woman qualified to care for Rose in the three packs—actually four, but I couldn't name a single wolf in Jayce's pack, and that might only be temporary anyway. Yeah, there were other childcare providers and teachers, but none that I trusted or who were in a position to move in with me and work with my daughter full-time. There was no way in hell I'd let her go to some daycare with a million other kids. Not my baby girl.
“Fuck, Gwen, I don't know how to say it without sounding like a piece of shit. I guess I saw Samson settle down, followed by Scott, and it made me realize that I was both the oldest pack leader and the only one without a Luna. I'd slept around, more than I'd like to admit, but I think, if I'm being honest with myself, that I'd been seeking a connection and still didn't find one.
“Once the other two Alphas mated, I cut back on the playboy shit. I felt lost. I still don't know why. But then, a few nights ago, Rose was dropped on my doorstep, and the entire world shifted, you know? I have no idea who her mother is, and I know that only worsens my 'piece of shit' persona, but I know Rose, and I know that I love her. Just like I know that you're the only one I trust to care for her.”
The guarded look on her face faded, and I pushed on, knowing that if I stopped, my pride probably wouldn't let me start again. “I need help, Gwen. Genuinely. Rose is nine months old if Kiera's guess is correct, and the thought of leaving her somewhere with people I barely know...” I clenched my fists,blood pounding in my ears. “I can't fucking stomach it. When Kiera said you'd stay with me to help with her, it was the first time I'd been able to relax since Rose was dropped off. If you tell me no, I'll...fuck. I'll leave you alone. I may be an Alpha, but I have more self-control than the other two chuckleheads in the alliance. I'm man enough to let you go if that's what you really want. But I'd be in your debt, Gwen, if you helped me. Please.”
Her eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline. “I don't think I've ever heard an Alpha say please.”
There was the slightest touch of humor in her tone, and it made my mouth pull up at the corners. “I'm more advanced than them. Much more mature.”
“Ha. Sure.” Gwen looked thoughtful, and her eyes narrowed as she thought over what I'd just said. For a long moment, I was sure she was going to reject me, and was prepared to let her go so I didn't look like a hypocrite, but then her face softened.
“I'll come home with you,” she said, her tone calmer now, “but not for you. For Rose. If this is truly your child, and I have no reason not to believe you, then it's obvious you're going to need a second set of hands to raise her. At least for a little while. So, fine, I'll do it. But not because of you. And the second things go wrong, which they inevitably will, I'm gone. Deal?”
It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Gwen in my house, and not just because she'd be a great nanny. I wanted her, and it had been a long fucking time since I'd felt like that. The thought shook me. After I'd rejected her, I'd put any thoughts of Gwen as a woman I desired out of my mind, but with her right in front of me, it was impossible to ignore. After the shit I pulled, I deserved to have her hate me, and if this was the only way to get her close, well, then that was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
I needed her for Rose. I wanted her for me. Damn.
“Deal.”
“Great. Get out of the way so I can open the door. I've got to drive to your place either way.”
I looked up to where her apartment was. “Don't you want to pack more? You're not going to be back to this place for a long time.”
She looked unsure. “Can we talk about logistics later? I'm already sort of overwhelmed with this decision.”
“Sure. I can always have your things put into storage.” As far as I was concerned, she might as well let the place go if she was staying with me. “Come on. Let's go up and grab whatever else you need, and then we'll need to go pick up Rose from Kiera.” I smirked. “Good thing you agreed, because I would have had a hell of a time figuring out how to get her home on my bike.”
For the first time since I'd shown up, Gwen laughed as she led me upstairs. “How'd she even get there in the first place?”
“Samson picked her up early this morning so I could deal with some pack business. Before you lecture me, yes, I know I have to get an actual parent vehicle.”
She snorted, and we argued about minivans and SUVs as I helped her gather her belongings. It was so easy to be with her, to be around her, that it made my chest feel tight. It made me regret, for maybe the millionth time, rejecting her. The memory of her lips and the way she tasted made the regret ten times stronger.
I watched her move through her space, comfortable and easy, and I'd never wanted anything more in my life. But there was a reason I'd rejected her—not because I didn't want her, butbecause I cared about her too much to let her get wrapped up in the bullshit of my life.
I knew Gwen still hurt from when I'd turned her down, but that hurt was better than how she'd feel if she knew the real reason why.
Chapter 4 - Gwen
Well, hell. So much for being set in my conviction.
Joe's appearance had scared the life out of me, but it hadn't really been that much of a surprise. He was an Alpha, and they were notoriously bad about accepting rejection of any kind. I'd known in the back of my mind that it was a possibility I'd have to face him, but actually having the real man in front of me had been something else altogether.
It turned out that he was just as attractive as he'd always been, and my annoyance with him wasn't enough to make me immune to his charm. His dark hair was longer; his green eyes, like gems, against his bronze skin. I still think I would have been able to leave had he not done something totally unexpected and opened up to me. The vulnerability had been so shocking that I'd been fixed in place, listening to him actually admit some wrongdoing and that he actually needed my help. Even more surprising was the fact that he appeared to be willing to let me walk away if I declined. It was totally out of character for any Alpha, let alone one as experienced as Joe.
He wasn't hotheaded like my Alpha, Samson, or slick and manipulative, like Scott. Instead, Joe was more settled. He could take a joke and had the ability to laugh at himself. That had been a hard trait to find, especially in older wolves. It made sense that the oldest member of the alliance would also have the most experience.
