Page 136 of Something Tattered
He smiled without humor. "That's whatIused to say." He turned to stare up at the ceiling. "Then I wised up."
"Why? What happened?"
"Life," Joel said. "It's like all these great things fall into my lap, but the moment I want them,reallywant them, they go up in flames."
"Is this about the deal with that sports agent?"
"Notjustthat. But it fits."
"How so?"
"Like get this. When the whole thing started, the guy's begging me to sign with him." Joel turned his head, once again, to face me. "He goes through the whole bit – fancy dinners, meetings with big stars, and promises like you wouldn't believe. But all along, I know it's a crock."
"Why?"
"Because this ismewe're talking about. Cigar, remember?"
Already, I hated that word.
Joel continued. "Sure, I let him talk, but there's no way I'm taking it seriously, especially when the guy mentions underwear commercials."
I had to laugh. "Underwear commercials? Seriously?"
"Swear to God."
I let my gaze travel down the length of him. He had a body to die for and a face to match. No doubt, hecouldsell a lot of underwear. But this was no time to be distracted. "So what happened?"
"So I tell him to shove it."
"But wait," I said. "Youbacked out? I thought your brothers ruined it."
"Notthatdeal," Joel said. "The second one."
"There was a second one?"
"Yeah. After I tell the guy to shove it, he starts contacting me again, upping the deal, making it sweeter every time. Finally, he makes one of those offers you can't refuse."
"What kind of offer?" I asked.
"Total control. I don't do anything I don't want – no prancing around in my underwear, that's for damn sure."
Somehow, I couldn't see Joel prancing, but I got what he meant.
Joel went on. "And we're talking lots of money, probably millions."
"Wow," I said. "That much?"
"With endorsements? Sure. So I start thinking, 'Maybe my Cigar days are over, and holy shit, this is really happening.' And the more I think about it, the more I want it. So I call the guy and tell him we have a deal."
"What'd he say?" I asked.
"He was thrilled. Or at least, that's what he told me."
"So then what happened?"
"Oh, that's the best part," Joel said. "We get everything worked out, papers drawn up, the works. But the day I'm supposed to sign, I walk into his office, and where's the guy standing?"
"Where?"
