Page 144 of One Good Crash
It was a funny thing to say, considering that he'd refused to let me in. "To where?" I tried to laugh. "Your front porch?"
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, I don't even know what you're getting at half the time. It's like you're sending me all these crazy mixed-up messages."
His voice grew quiet. "I know."
"Well, if you know, why don't you stop?"
"I will," he said, "ifyoustop being so fucking thankful."
I drew back. "What?"
"I don't want your gratitude."
"Then whatdoyou want?"
Something in his gaze warmed. "You."
The simple, solitary word sent a swarm of butterflies straight into my stomach. Stupidly, I mumbled, "Me?"
"Yes. You." He reached for my hand. "And I don't mean for just a night."
Suddenly, I was feeling just a little bit breathless. "Then whatdoyou mean?"
"That's what I wanna figure out." He gave my hand a tender squeeze. "But I wantyouto figure it out, too,withoutcomplications."
I didn't get it. "Whatkindof complications?"
"For starters, that hang-up you've got with your mom."
"What hang-up?"
"Do you know, I want to spoil you like crazy?"
His hand felt warm and wonderful, and I fought a sudden urge to fall into his arms. "You don'thaveto spoil me," I said. "I mean, jeez, you've spoiled me enough already."
His hand stiffened in mine. "Andthat'swhat I'm talking about."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to do things for you…buy you things, take you places." His gaze grew intense. "Hell I'd do more if you let me. But then, you get this look, like I'm buying you for the night—"
"I do not," I protested.
"Wanna bet?"
I stopped to think.Did I?
I was still thinking when he continued. "And then, I think, 'shit, give it another day, another week, another month.' But then, something happens, and…" He shook his head and looked away.
"Something happens?" I prompted. "Like what?"
He looked back and said, "Everything. Your mom, your apartment, whatever. And it's like the clock starts over." He shook his head. "And I fucking hate it."
"I can see where you would." I gave a nervous laugh. "I mean, who needs the drama, right?"
"I don't give a shit about that," he said. "You wanna see drama? Ask me about my own life sometime."
