Page 19 of Kaede
I stand behind Willow and look down at him. “What’s his name again?”
“Maverick,” Boone says while stoking the fireplace. “Maverick James.”
It fits the little man. He looks like Boone, with his red hair and wide jaw, but when he opens his eyes, he is all his mother. The blue is tinged with green, almost like Daisy’s eyes.
For a moment, I let myself consider what our children would look like, Willow’s and mine. Would they have her blue eyes or mine? Hers are sapphire and mine more sky. Would our DNA mix as perfectly as theirs has?
I shake out of the thoughts. Currently, our worlds are forty-five miles and a ridge and valley between us. Divided. And as much as I want her to stay, I can’t ask her to give up her life to be with me. In the light of day, it’s easy to see how in the heat of the moment endorphins and testosterone can make a man’s brain crazy. All those plans. Maybe they were just hopes and dreams and I’ve never had those come true anyway.
Daisy sets the table and places Boone’s favorite meal in the middle— biscuits and gravy, because how he smiled made me do the same. It tastes as good as it looks, but Willow barely eats anything. She just coos at the tiny bundle in her arms.
“If you want to eat, I’ll… I’ll hold him.” I hold out my hands.
The side of her mouth tips up. “That would be great. Thanks.”
“Boone and I eat in shifts now.” Daisy lifts her fork.
“I can see why.” Willow stands and she holds Mav out to me.
I can’t seem to figure out where best to grab him.
“Just cup behind his neck and under his butt,” Boone directs me.
I do that and Willow slips her hands out from under mine. I stare into her eyes and the smile I’m rewarded with lights a firestorm inside my chest. Maverick’s so small, but hefty and solid. His eyes flutter open.
“He can’t really see you. Babies don’t get clear eyesight until about four months,” Daisy says before taking a big bite of eggs.
“I didn’t know that.”
There was so much I didn’t know. The military taught me how to do a lot, but they never taught me to do this. And this feels so much bigger. So much more important. So much more dangerous.
My heart starts pounding. My chest is closing in on me. I need to get out of here.
“Hey, I need some fresh air. Boone, did you want some help with that wood pile out there?” I hand Maverick off to Daisy’s waiting hands without a pause. That warmth inside of me subsides to just embers, not the blaze of before.
“If you’ve gotten your fill, I’d definitely take some help.” Boone stands and I help him clear the table while Willow and Daisy talk.
Outside, I head to the pile of wood and without a word, I start breaking pieces. With every shard I feel a little more centered. It’s not being with Willow that’s scaring me. Or even having children.
It’s being without her.
15
WILLOW
I can barely keep my brunch down. My stomach is a ball of nerves on top of a flood of fears.
“Let me lay Mav down and we can chat.”
“I’ll make some tea.”
“Decaf for me, please,” Daisy mentions while putting Mav into his bassinet in the corner.
In five minutes, I’m on the couch, sipping from a handcrafted mug.
“It’s so wonderful to have you here. How’d you like Wyatt’s cabin?” Daisy lifts her mug and sips. “I mean after you got it cleaned.” She chuckles.
I take another long sip, hoping the burning liquid will scorch away my fears. But as I look into my friend’s eyes, my heart rises. “Well, turns out I was at the wrong house.”
