Page 53 of Starve
“Sure you have.” There’s a purr in his voice, and when he finally opens his eyes, they’re so dark that they’re almost black. With a jolt, I realize that the dark circles under his eyes are back in full force, after they’d faded after the asylum attack.
But now they’re worse than I’ve ever seen them.
“Cairo…” I lean toward him, invading his personal space without hesitation. “Holy shit, you look like you haven’t slept in?—”
He sighs and buries his face sullenly in my pillow. “Thanks for the compliment,” he grumbles, cutting me off. “Really makes me think you like me.”
“Probably about as much as you like me,” I agree, pressing my hand to his shoulder, trying to get him to roll over. “Come on.”
“No. Don’t you havetherapy?”He turns just enough to roll his eyes up at me and reaches one hand down to scratch Moro’s ears. “Moro and I are completely fine here.”
He’s definitely in a mood, and it’s more than just his usual sarcasm. But if I had a hole bitten in my throat, I probably wouldn’t be in too great of a mood either. So I sigh, not particularly offended, and lean down to kiss his cheek lightly, feeling him melt a little with a soft purr at my affection. “I’m fine, Fern,” he promises me.
“Yeah, I figure if you made it through the night, you must be telling the truth.” Sitting up, I go to move, only to be surprisedwhen he grabs my wrist and yanks me back down until I’m on my back on the bed, and release a small gasp.
Cairo hovers over me, searching my face. “You shouldn’t get so attached,” he breathes suddenly, gazing down at me from those dark eyes that seem like black holes. “You’re alreadytooattached.”
“Then so are you,” I’m quick to respond, trying to sit up. But he stops me with a hand at the base of my neck, and Cairo looms over me, hovering and looking over all of me he can see. It makes me feel vulnerable in a way I can’t explain.
“Yeah,” he agrees at last, a rueful smirk tugging at his lips. “Little bird…” His thumb strokes the hollow of my throat, as he seems to consider his words. “Don’t come out to the woods tonight,” he says at last, his eyes holding mine. “Because you won’t findmethere.”
“What do you mean?” His words only stir more confusion in me, especially when he leans closer and I can feel his breath against my lips. Cairo kisses me sweetly, his teeth sharp against my mouth, and pulls back with a sigh.
“You’ll find what I am when I’m not holding back for you.”
With that he licks over my lower lip, and before I can reply he rolls off of me to curl up under the blankets again. This time, Moro abandons all signs of being subtle, and burrows herself under the covers with him with a huff of satisfaction once she’s stretched out against Cairo.
“Ridiculous.” I sigh, watching both of them do their best imitation of sentient lumps. “I don’t know why you’re trying to scare me, but you’re beingridiculous.”Cairo doesn’t reply, and Moro doesn’t come out. But it’s a bit of a relief to leave her here with him, rather than having to worry about her being alone in the house.
With a groan, I’m out of bed, tugging off my t-shirt and boy shorts. But no matter how many remarks I make or unnecessarydoor slamming I do, they still don’t come out of their blanket cocoon. Soon enough, it becomes apparent that Cairo is asleep again, which gives me pause.
If he’s really asleep, does that mean heneedsit to get better? I’ve never seen him so quick to surrender to unconsciousness, and I work to quiet my movements as I finish getting dressed in a new t-shirt and loose sweatpants. The whole time I run a brush through my hair, I stare at the lumps on my bed, leaning in the doorway of my bathroom.
You’ll find what I am when I’m not holding back for you.
I’m not exactly sure what he means by that, but it’s clear he doesn’t think I should find out. With one last sigh, I push away from the wall to put my hair in a ponytail and head toward the front door with my phone in one hand and my keys in the other. Though I pause with my head pressed to the wood, listening for anything other than Moro’s snores, and hear nothing.
“Bye,” I murmur, knowing he can’t hear me and not expecting an answer. I don’t get one, but that’s all right. It makes me feel better to say it, and makes something in me loosen a little, when I remind myself that I’ll be back way before dark, and I’m sure he’ll still be here.
I hope.
Standing outsideof Dr. Radley’s office reminds me of how much I don’t want to be here. The blonde is anything but my friend, and nothing in me wants to walk into her office and deal with her droning on for the next hour about my mental state.
Last time, she gave me a damn panic attack.
But I force myself into the room with a sigh, closing the door behind me when Dr. Radley looks up at me with a bright, natural smile on her face that makes me feel incredibly bad about my misgivings of her.
The hour even goes okay, considering I avoid most of her questions or at least work not to answer honestly. Though she doesn’t seem to mind so much.
But that could be because she can’t stop looking at her phone. It’s like she’s waiting for someone or for something to happen. It’s rude, and I figure it’s not very ethical for a doctor, not that I’m about to say a word about it. I’d rather she paid less attention to me, and it makes the minutes tick by faster when she barely remembers what she’s asked.
The moment the clock’s big hand on the wall hits the twelve, I’m up and out of my seat with excuses on my lips about needing to get home to my dog. “Sorry,” I apologize, not for the first time. “I haven’t had her for very long. So I worry that she’ll tear down the house in my absence, you know?” I offer Dr. Radley a plaintive smile that she returns before getting up as well.
“I like dogs,” she tells me kindly. “You could always bring her here if she’s well behaved. Did you get her after what happened at Bluebone Ridge?”
There’s no way I can bring Moro here.
Not when there’s every chance that Dr. Radley will absolutely recognize Moro and where she came from. I shake my head with an apologetic grimace. “No, she’s weird. She, uh, might vomit on your nice rug.” I’ve never seen her vomit, but it’s at least an easy excuse. “And yeah. I was looking at getting a dog before…that. But then afterward, I realized I didn’t want to be alone.”
