Page 66 of Lady for a Season
But Edward pulled his hand sharply away and strode so fast down the street that he was gone before the prostitute, startled, could call him back.
His heart was beating so hard he could almost hear it. Not from the encounter with the prostitute but from a sudden realisation.
Maggie.
He loved Maggie.
He desired Maggie.
It had been the touch of the woman’s hand. Until now, his hand had only ever been clasped with warmth and affection by Maggie and, in that moment, he had understood why Almack’s had made him feel ill when he had attended enough balls by now to have grown used to them. The sight of Maggie smiling in Lord Frampton’s arms was a culmination of the slow dread that had been growing in him and that dread came not from a general disinclination to marry, it was that he did not want to marry any of the women he was supposed to choose from. He wanted to marry Maggie.
He leant against a wall in the dark street and tried to marshal his thoughts. He must marry, there was no doubt on that score. But he loved Maggie, that was now so clear to him that it was as though a thousand candles had been lit all around her, a blaze of certainty.
And yet.
He was accustomed to thinking that she belonged in his world. She was dressed for his world. She took part in all the events of theton.
She was part of his household.
But so was Kitty the scullery maid down in the kitchen, and to his mother, to the whole of thetonif they knew her origins, Maggie was no better than Kitty. A union between them would be unthinkable and yet it was all he could think of.
He let out a groan. He had escaped a madhouse only to plunge into true madness. But the thought of marrying someone else and watching Maggie leave forever… that was not possible, it would destroy whatever happiness and confidence she had built up in his life.
He walked the streets all that night and when he returned to Atherton House as dawn broke, he was no closer to finding a way forward, leaving him to be swept along by the current, unsure whether to swim against it and risk everything or allow it to take him to a safe but unwanted shore.
In the days that followed, he found himself gazing at Maggie as they went about their days. Did she feel something more for him than friendship and kindness, the care she had always shown? He did not know how to ask her and still his own feelings for her grew stronger.
Chapter 8:
Masquerade
As the warmer days of late April settled into springlike picnics and pleasure gardens, as well as the daily riding in Hyde Park, Maggie was aware of the Godwins making certain that Miss Belmont appeared at every event the Buckingham household attended, her pale face emerging from ever more elaborate bonnets and dresses, while Lady Anna Huntington’s parents continually invited them to dinners and near-daily walks. Although Lady Honora did not seem even slightly interested in Edward, Lord and Lady Halesworth made it their business to ensure her presence wherever Edward was, with the result that Maggie, who liked her forthright manner, was beginning to regard her as a friend.
“Lady Jersey is holding a masquerade,” sighed Lady Honora, trailing behind Edward who was walking arm-in-arm with the silent Miss Belmont around Rotten Row. Directly behind them walked the Duchess and Lady Godwin. “We’ll all have to be dressed up in something ghastly. Last year it was some dreadful sea theme. You should have seen the room; it was nothing but sirens and the navy. One would have thought we’d all been conscripted.”
Maggie nodded, although she was more intent on watching Miss Belmont and Edward together. Was this who the Duchess had in mind for Edward? She was so delicately built she might be crushed with one hand, and she rarely spoke. When she did it was a whisper. Perhaps that was why the Duchess favoured her, for Maggie could not imagine this girl doing anything other than what she was told… by the Duchess, no doubt.
“We will turn back now,” said the Duchess. “We have the Galpin ball tonight to prepare for.”
There was much bowing and curtseying as the families left one another and amidst it all Lady Godwin smiled pleasantly at Maggie. “I am so glad there is a young girl like yourself at Atherton Park,” she said. “My Elizabeth can be shy, but a family member such as yourself will draw her out when… well, I will say no more for now.”
Maggie managed to fix a smile on her face and complete her curtsey, before climbing into the open carriage in which she and the Duchess had arrived. Edward was busy mounting Merlin, who had been kept waiting once the Godwins had met with them and suggested they all walk together.
“Lady Godwin suggested her daughter might be joining our household soon,” said Maggie, wanting to see the Duchess’ face.
“Good. Then the deal is almost done.” The Duchess gave one of her flinty smiles.
Every time the Duchess spoke of Edward’s future marriage in this way Maggie’s stomach turned over, with… with anger, yes, surely it was anger that made her emotions rise up like this. How dare she treat Edward’s future happiness as a deal, as though they were buying a piece of land or ordering a new horse for the stables. And she was outraged also on behalf of Miss Belmont. The poor girl had no say in all of this, she was sure of it, and yet the decision already seemed made, both families closing in on the couple at the centre of their plans, forcing Miss Belmonttowards a life Maggie could not believe she would enjoy, forcing Edward to marry someone he’d barely spoken with.
Yes, it was anger, she was sure of it, anger at the injustice of it, the cold-hearted nature of the whole business. She would not allow the other feeling to rise, the one that felt like sickness, something desperate in her, a desire to stop this whole charade, a desire to… a feeling that grew stronger when she thought of Edward, of the touch of his hand, the warmth of his skin against hers. The nights when he screamed her name and she came running to him, held him in her arms to bring him back from the darkness of his dreams, how they danced together…
No. Enough. That feeling was… not real, it was only… only… but she could not even put a name to it, because if she did, she would have to acknowledge something that was not possible. It was not possible. She must focus on Edward’s happiness, and his happiness and safety lay in finding a suitable bride as soon as possible and securing her hand. Edward had been changeable in this past month, sometimes charming and happy, at other times wistful, retreating to his books or spending more time away from the house, in Parliament or at his club. She supposed this was a good sign, that he was becoming more his own man, able to go about his life without Maggie there to reassure him, but it also made her feel lonely. Her days felt empty when he was absent, despite the continuing onslaught of social gatherings.
“I told you there would be a masquerade,” said Celine when Maggie mentioned it. “The theme is The Queen of Queens. It is Queen Charlotte’s seventieth birthday this year, as well as the Grand Jubilee of the House of Hanover, which will celebrate one hundred years this summer. As the masquerade is in honour of the Queen, everyone will be dressed as they were in her youth.”
“With the giant hooped skirts?”
Celine nodded. “The modistes will be delighted. Can youimagine how much silk will be used to make just one such dress?”
