Page 40 of Puck'n Bully
“Yeah.” A defeated sigh escapes me. “I know I’m still young and I shouldn’t be impatient,” I say, staring up at the dark ceiling. “But sometimes it feels like it’ll never happen to me. Like no one will ever like me enough to fight for me or go out of their way to make me a part of their life.”
Hayden’s face flashes in my mind, making me choke up.
A soft sigh sounds from the phone. “Oh, honey.” There’s so much love in her words that my chest aches. “I know it’s hard,” she tells me. “I know it feels like you’re always giving and no one is giving back. But love, real love, isn’t something you should have to beg for.”
“Exactly, I don’t want to beg someone to love me,” I say in a tight, choked voice.
“You deserve someone who’s proud to love you, sweetheart,” she continues. “Someone who isn’t afraid to stand beside you, no matter what. And that person?” She pauses. “That person is worth the wait.”
I close my eyes, wishing with all my might for her words to come true.
“What if I never find someone like that?” I ask quietly.
“You will.” Gram’s voice is soft but determined.
My breath comes out in a rush. This is what I wanted. Grams telling me that it’s all going to be okay.
“Thanks, Grams,” I say.
“You should head to bed,” she says. “A good night’s sleep will make you feel so much better in the morning.”
I nod, a ghost of a smile coming on my lips. “Thanks, Grams. I hope you’re enjoying Vietnam.”
“Oh, it’s been wonderful,” she says. “The food is delicious but I still managed to lose four pounds. Can you believe that?”
A chuckle escapes me at the glee in her voice. “That’s great, Grams. I guess I’ll talk to you another time.”
“Well, you take care, sweetheart.”
“You too, Grams.” With that, I switch off the call and fall back on the bed.
I should stop blaming Hayden. I’m the one who got ahead of myself and let myself dream of something that’ll never come true with a guy who’s still in the closet and is afraid to face the truth.
This is why I should’ve kept things simple and not let myself cross all the lines. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to believe Hayden could be the one for me. Because at the end of the day, I always end up being alone.
I guess I’m not even angry anymore. Why should I be when Hayden didn’t technically make a mistake? He neither put a name to our relationship nor did he promise me anything.
I’m the one who made the mistake of trusting him with my heart.
Right now, I just feel defeated and disappointed with myself. And somehow, this feels so much worse.
13
Hayden
The ring of the alarm has me putting down my dumbbells and checking my phone. It’s seven-thirty already and time for me to take a quick shower at the gym before heading to the library for my tutoring session with Liam.
A sliver of worry snakes around my chest, making me wonder if he’ll even show up.
Liam has missed the last two tutoring sessions this week.
Ever since the incident at the restaurant, he’s been completely silent. I’ve tried calling him and even sent him several texts but Liam has ignored all my attempts to talk to him.
Liam is punishing me with his silence.
I know I deserve it after the way I treated him but damn! It hurts.
I want my grouchy, beautiful, sweet nerd back in my arms. If he’d just talk to me, I’m sure I can win him back.
