Page 60 of The First Cut
With a nod to Hannibal, he turns and walks away, and I watch him leave for what I vow will be the very last time.
Chapter Nineteen
Hannibal
Lola watches Havoc leave and I fist my hands, wishing he didn’t still have such a fucking hold on her.
“He’ll never leave Nevaeh. Not for you, not for anyone,” I tell her softly, hoping the tone of my voice will soften the blow. I might hate how much she still cares about him, but mostly, I can’t even imagine what it feels like to invoke that much loyalty in someone. Ironic, really. After everything, I still think of her as loyal. That brings me up short.
Everything I’ve been told about this woman portrayed her as disloyal and spoiled, but the Lola I’ve spent the last two weeks with is neither of those things. I know instinctively she won’t betray me, and we’ve only known each other for a minute. So what the fuck happened between her, Driller, and Havoc?
Before I can say anything, she turns slowly to face me, her face wiped clean of emotion. But she can’t keep the pain out of her voice when she speaks. “Don’t worry, Hannibal. I know exactly where I stand. Nobody will let me forget it.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
She snorts, shaking her head incredulously. “You are far too late to stop that from happening. But don’t worry, I’ll never give anyone that much power over me again.”
She turns away from me. I grab her wrist and halt her movement, tugging her toward me when nosy onlookers start taking notice. I grab her hips and hold her to me as I dip my head and skim my nose down hers.
“I didn’t like the look of longing on your face when he left,” I admit.
“You confused longing with loathing. I’ve watched that man walk away too many times, and each time, it left a mark. The club came first, always, even though it did nothing but take from him. I gave him everything. My heart, my body, even pieces of my soul, but I was always just an afterthought to him. If there was no you and no Nevaeh, no club and no Driller, there would still be no Havoc and me—not even if he got on his knees and begged. A part of me will always love Jonas, the cocky high school jock with his dimples and swagger. When he slipped on his prospect patch and became Havoc, he slowly stopped being mine and became theirs.” She moves her arm to encompass the room.
“Maybe you weren’t meant to be Havoc’s. Maybe you were always meant to be mine.” I kiss her before she can deny me. After a moment of hesitation, she melts into me like she always does. As the room falls silent around us, I pull back, knowing she won’t want to be on display like this. I’d have no problem bending her over the pool table and fucking her in front of all of them, I’d have to kill them all afterward, and that would piss off Havoc.
I take in her flushed face before turning to face the room. Most people keep their faces blank and wisely keep their feelings to themselves, but there are a few who don’t do anything to hold back their disdain. As much as I want to rip them to pieces andset them on fire for the disrespect, I don’t want people putting on a mask around me and hiding from me. Not until I’ve got a read on them.
“I have shit to do today, but tomorrow morning I want a full church so we can go over everything. Does anyone have any questions that can’t wait?”
When nobody says anything, I dismiss them and take Lola’s hand. “Let’s get settled in. Then you can give me a rundown on everyone.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Why? Your VP can tell you everything you need to know.”
I move so my lips are at her ear. “They might be pissed at Khan now, but they were loyal to him for a lot of years, and that mindset is hard to break. But you, doll, never liked him, did you?” It’s not hard to figure out that there was no love lost between the two.
“No.” She shakes her head, a wry smile playing on her lips. “You ever read a book or watch a movie where one of the characters can see something that nobody else can, and they all think she’s crazy? That’s how I felt about Khan. I knew he wasn’t a good guy. I had no idea why nobody else could see it. Even when he was being charismatic, it came off as fake and smarmy to me. But others lapped that shit up. I learned early on to keep my mouth shut and look pretty.”
“Something tells me you know these people better than their closest friends. I’m interested to see what your take is. Besides, you’re the only one here I trust.”
She jolts at my words, her mouth dropping open in shock. I bite back my grin as I look over at Byte, who is off to the side still with Ferris and Elmo. I signal for them to join us. When Lola sees them approach, she tenses, making the grin slip from my face.
“Prez?” Byte questions, and it takes me a moment to remember that’s me now.
“Gonna get Lola settled, then I want to speak to you three so we’re on the same page before church tomorrow.”
“No problem. Do you want us to come to you or…?” He trails off as I look at Lola, but she has her head down, avoiding eye contact.
“I’ll come back. I’ll text you when I’m ready.”
I wrap my arm around Lola’s shoulder and guide her out of the room. It isn’t until we step outside that she finally relaxes.
“You good?”
“I’m fine.”
