Page 45 of Bad Influence
‘All I ask is that you hear me out.’ I examined her face. I cleared my throat, took another deep breath, and crossed my index and middle fingers for extra luck. ‘Shouldn’t worrying about what your body looks like be the least important thing about your life right now? Imagine how much time and space that would free up to conquer all the things you have on that list you told me about in the freezer?’ Mandy’s ears pricked up when I mentioned thelist. She didn’t need to worry, I wasn’t about to reveal the big thing on it, although judging by the comments from Blair, maybe it wasn’t such a secret to anyone else.
‘All the time, effort, energy, and passion you are wasting on not being able to accept your own body – it’s exhausting,’ I continued. ‘Mandy, you are so much more than what you weigh, or how close your body is to the current standard of beauty – a barometer that isn’t even real because we have become so used to an image of “perfection” that is completely fake. Most of what we see on social media is manipulated, it’s like we’re being conditioned to avoid our own reflections. It’s time to get real – to be proud, to relax, to be your beautiful self, and to love your body for what it is. One that moves, breathes, pumps blood, wriggles, and dances around happily. Complete with wrinkles, cellulite, and wobbly bits which jiggle when we laugh – bits that are totally, gloriously, amazingly functioning and normal – not to mention unique to each one of us! Your body is the only home you will truly have for your entire life. I mean, the thought of that blows my mind. So, isn’t it time to appreciate it a little more – just like you wish your younger self had done?’
‘Here we go again,’ she said with sarcasm. ‘The problem is, Amber, I grew up, I changed. The world moved on. I can’t do anything about the situation we find ourselves in today. It’s pointless and, frankly, naive to think otherwise.’
I took a breath. ‘That’s not true. No one, Mandy, is in a more powerful position to do this on a public stage than you. You can set a new fashion trend – the biggest one of all – because this one is timeless.’
‘Timeless? How?’ she asked curiously.
‘Because it represents self-love. You only get one chance at life – and your body is so much more precious than any passing trend. And this is from someone who worships trends! Look, it might sound overwhelming, but there is a huge opportunity here – and it’s easy, because all you have to do is beyou! And you are enough. Remember?’
She looked sceptical. ‘But what about the “Princess of Surrey” thing? “More royal than Kate Middleton”, you all said gleefully – isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing here?’
‘I’m sorry if I was trying to turn you into someone else, but I was following orders.’ I was glad Julie-Ann wasn’t around to hear this. ‘But now I’m ready to tear up that brief and help you to be you.’
I paused and scanned the room, passion mixed with desperation in my eyes. ‘We’reallready, aren’t we?’ I put myself out on a limb here and I was hungry for support from the others. My throat felt incredibly dry all of a sudden. I took a sip of water.
The room remained quiet. No one leapt to my defence.
One by one, we realised Mandy’s face looked like a thundercloud, seconds away from exploding.
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Great speech, Amber, Oscar-worthy in fact,’ she muttered. ‘But, have you asked yourself whetherI’mready for this? This “self-love utopia” you talk of? This is not a simple ask. You really have no idea, do you?’ She looked around the room at the others, who stood there like stone statues. Then she pushed her chair away from thetable and started to march out of the room, spitting out a cursory, ‘Just leave me alone.’
Blair stood up too, about to go after her, their chair making a scraping sound on the floor.
Mandy turned to them. ‘Allof you.’
The colour drained out of my face. I looked around and noticed Philippa hovering by the door, undecided about whether to come in or not, but nosy enough to overhear everything. When I caught her eye, she slowly shook her head.
What have I done?
Coco cleared her throat. ‘Flourless cookie, anyone?’
Half an hour later, with no sign of Mandy re-emerging of her own accord, Blair and I found ourselves sitting on the landing outside her and Jose’s bedroom, the sound of a nose being blown and then a bath running audible through the door. I hadn’t been able to wipe the panic off my face since Mandy stormed upstairs.
‘It’s okay, she needs to let it out,’ Blair whispered. ‘She’s growing as a person right now, and it hurts. It’s a pain she’s not used to, Amber. I don’t think anyone has ever spoken to her like that before. Not even Julie-Ann.’
This horrified me further.
‘Do you think I’m going to get the sack?’ I asked, reeling from what I had done. ‘I’m pretty sure she’s in there plotting to ensure I never work again.’
Blair leant in until they were very close to me. ‘To be fair, I’ve never heard of a stylist talking themselves out of ajob this early on – you basically told her she doesn’t need fashion.’
I sank down lower towards the floor, arching my back and pulling the sleeves of my black jumper over my hands, as if it might comfort me somehow.
‘Babes, she won’t sack you. Mandy can be flighty, but she’s not stupid. You basically held up a mirror, and she didn’t like what she saw. Her mood has been really weird today. She’s been up, down, all over the place. But she’ll be thinking things over in there. Believe me. Just give her time to calm down.’
‘I hope you’re right. I should have held back, but I just felt so incensed that she could feel that way. It’s so wrong. Perhaps I should have shut up and carried on treading that delicate and deeply unfulfilling line between what Julie-Ann wants and what Mandy wants, and ended up with Princess Kate on steroids. Perhaps I should have just shut my big trap.’
‘Oh babe, you said what you felt. I mean that speech seriouslywasawards season worthy. Let’s face it, she won’t be able to hide for long.’
We sat watching the door in silence until the sounds from the room began to abate. Even though it was plain she wasn’t going to come out again this evening, we decided to wait a while longer, just in case.
‘It’s interesting,’ I whispered as the sky became pitch black outside the window. ‘I thought I knew Mandy after following her for so many years. She’s got this presence almost everywhere you look. She puts it all out there andseems so robust at handling whatever comes her way. But she’s just a normal human being at the end of the day. And I don’t know her at all.’
‘You’re right about that. She surprised me today,’ Blair replied, picking at the blue gel paint on one of their nails. ‘And maybe she surprised herself too. I thought she was going to get onboard with you at one point, and then she went totally the other way.’
‘I got caught in the crossfire all right,’ I added, beginning to see a little humour in the situation now.
