Page 57 of Bad Influence
‘The cruelty of life.’ She looked wistfully out of the window.
‘Have you met Amber, Ane? Ane meet Amber.’
The model ignored her.
‘Of course, there was a trigger for this. She could remember the moment so clearly. She saw herself in theVoguesocial pages at the Annabel’s anniversary party, and it had happened.’ She stopped, clocking my presence by looking me up and down. I wasn’t sure if my green jumpsuit had prompted the look of disdain, or whether it was related to what she was about to tell us. ‘Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?’
‘It’s Amber.’
‘It had happened, Amber,’ she repeated dramatically.
‘What had happened?’ I asked, noticing Julie-Ann had conveniently sidled off too, leaving me alone with Aneka.
‘She looked different,’ she said, earnestly.
I was confused about what she meant by this – had her friend’s aesthetic doctor messed up her latest round of fillers?
‘She had aged,’ she continued morosely. ‘She had tipped off the precipice of youth and into the cavernous realm of the “older” woman. That is what she meant by the cruelty of life.’
‘It’s going to happen to all of us,’ I offered, helpfully.
She looked at me intensely. ‘How old are you?’
‘Twenty-six.’
‘You wait untilno onegives you a second glance anymore. It literally happens overnight. No amount of “good light”, filtering, or make-up will help you in day-to-day life. Your whole reality changes. It’s a kind of trauma.’
‘Sounds intense,’ I muttered.
‘Oh, it is. That’s precisely why I am retraining. I want to help people like my friend come to terms with the ageing process. Many of them are in mourning.’ She sighed.
‘Mourning?’
‘For their old face.’
I offered a pained expression.
‘Can’t age be an asset?’ I asked after a pause.
‘Every age is an asset, of course,’ she replied. ‘The trick is being at ease with it. That’s the hard part. No one teaches you about that.’ She shook her head.
‘I’m sorry for your friend,’ I said.
As we looked at each other awkwardly I was saved by Jimi approaching.
‘Ane, have you met Jimi yet? He’s Mandy’s personal trainer. He helps her stay young.’
‘Pull up a pew,’ she said, squeezing his bicep without invitation.
Then, as if we were playing the human equivalent of pass the parcel, I kindly smiled and muttered, ‘It was lovely to meet you, Ane. Excuse me, I need to find the alcohol …’
As the evening progressed, I proceeded to get pleasantlydrunk on strong martini-based cocktails. I had a chat about the benefits of adding apple cider vinegar to absolutely everything you eat with Ro and Matty, two guys from the ‘Somerset Set’, who were dressed like Björn and Benny from ABBA; a deep conversation with a lady called Star who was over from California to promote her work as a self-made ‘orgasmic meditation guru’.
‘Julie-Ann has been the most incredible guide and mentor,’ she told me, with so many pregnant pauses between words I wondered if she was in a state of orgasm at that exact moment. ‘She’s got me onThis Morningon Monday, and then we’re meeting with an events producer to see about bringing my one-woman show to London. Can you imagine,Orgasmic Manifestation Live at the O2?’
‘No, I mean, yes,’ I replied, unsure where to look.
‘Have you ever created an orgasm with your mind, Amber?’ she asked, looking right between my eyes. ‘It’s called “Thinking Off”. Unbeknownst to many, the brain is the largest erogenous zone in the human body. You can bring yourself to orgasm by stimulating your mind with your biggest fantasies. You should try it some time.’
