Page 81 of Bad Influence
The room burst into appreciative ‘awwws’ when Mandy revealed she had requested the scents of milk-drunk dreams and moonbeams be added to the perfume. Unfortunately, the laboratory in France hadn’t been able to oblige, so she had settled on white rose and vanilla milk in the end.
‘We love you, Mandy!’ someone shouted enthusiastically.
‘I love you too!’ she replied, elated. Watching Mandy come to life in front of an adoring audience was like witnessing a butterfly emerge from a chrysalis.
‘Do you know the sex of the baby?’ an influencer called out.
To which she quipped, ‘Not yet – but I’ll make sure you’re the first to know when I do!’
Camera phones were pointed at her all the time, with videos and photos uploaded to platforms at lightning speed.
All the while I kept Jimi in my peripheral vision, wondering whether I should address what happened last night. But we barely had a chance to exchange any words, he was so busy, and I was constantly shadowing Mandy, checking the peach Hervé Léger dress was hugging her in all the right places and no martinis were getting accidentally spilt on it. I watched in awe as Mandy bobbed around the room, flashing her megawatt smile, chatting happily with all the guests, posing for selfies, spritzing perfume everywhere she went, a seasoned pro at this kind of work. Her baby bump had really popped out and was cocooned beautifully in the dress, with one protective hand on herbump most of the time, she was clearly revelling in all the attention it got.
That evening, after a flurry of loving WhatsApp messages from Rob about how great it was to ‘see’ me and how he couldn’t wait for me to get back home, I was feeling really guilty about what I’d got up to just twenty-four hours earlier with Jimi. I needed to say something. I didn’t want things to feel weird between us.
Impulsively, I saved Jimi’s number from our WhatsApp group with Mandy and wrote a message to him.I really like you, Jimi, it’s been great getting to know you, but I thought I should say that I definitely have a boyfriend, and I don’t think we can see each other like that anymore. I hope you understand. Amber x
I deleted that immediately, it was far too formal. Then I wrote:Hi, Jimi, thanks for a lovely evening last night. I’m feeling a bit weird about things today because of my boyfriend. I was hoping to talk to you about this, but meanwhile I wondered if we could perhaps go back to being just work friends? Thanks for your understanding. Ax
I deleted it too.Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it was nothing?Instead, I switched to Instagram and then to TikTok and scrolled through Jimi’s posts. On viewing his stories, I discovered that Jimi was currently in the West Hollywood nightclub The Viper Room, with what appeared to be some stunning women, quite possibly hangers-on from the event, all around him. I couldn’t really blame them, who wouldn’t gladly take up a night on the town with one of America’s fittest, most well-connected, commitment-phobicbachelors? This was Jimi doing exactly what he had told me he liked to do – enjoying women without any commitment. I felt a little silly for imagining I might be anything more than just a colleague to him anyway.
Impulsively I replied to one of his stories on Instagram, keeping it short and light, showing him there was nothing to worry about when it came to me.It’s lucky I have a boyfriend! See you tomorrow. Ax
The next day, I woke up to a message from Rob. He still came up as ‘Rob Walker (Handsome)’ on my phone, an ode to the very first time I punched his digits into my contacts, when Vicky and I had nicknamed him Handsome Rob.
I opened his message and smiled as I read it.
I love you, Amber, more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. I can’t wait for you to come home. 8 weeks and counting …
It felt as though something deep inside me had been rejigged back into place, as I thought about Jimi and Rob. Two very different men. One that pulsed through my veins like a canoe down rapids, the other representing a love that was steady and kind.
A day later, as we made our way to the first-class lounge at LAX, a few people glanced in our direction, recognising the famous traveller in our midst.
A stranger commented, ‘Aww, hi, Mandy! Such a pretty bump – you are glowing!’
Mandy grunted. She was having one of her off-days, possibly due to a lack of sleep following all the excitement of the launch event. ‘I know they mean well, butplease.Being pregnant at forty-five, it’s like I have a Post-it Note with, “What do you think about this? Tell me your opinion immediately!” stuck on my bump.’
‘At least it’s all positive, baby,’ Jose observed, sipping a coffee. ‘It feels like people throw all decency out the window when they’re online. Keyboard warriors, trolls, cyberbullying, it’s like the Wild West out there. At least people are courteous here in the real world.’
‘But what is real?’ I muttered sarcastically, shocking myself by saying it out loud rather than in my head, as I had intended.
‘What do you mean by that, Amber?’ Mandy asked pointedly, turning to me.
I had to think fast. ‘I was just thinking,’ I replied, buying myself a bit of time. ‘I was thinking about whether the same rules of behaviour exist online as in the real world. I mean, sometimes negativity gets higher stats. Surely that’s why the trolls do it?’
Jimi, who had been walking alongside us, sniggered. ‘You couldn’t imagine anyone being negative because they are actually not a very nice person, could you, Amber?’ He said it in a slightly nasty tone, which took me by surprise.
I felt myself shrink. And then I felt cross. How dare Jimi humiliate me in front of my boss.
‘What’s up with you?’ I asked. ‘Late night?’
‘No. Bed early, actually.’
I know that’s probably a lie.
I shrugged, before replying assertively, ‘I just don’t think it should be acceptable to say something online thatyou would never say to someone’s face. In the same way that it’s not okay to create a digital persona that isn’t the way you live in the real world. Doesn’t it perpetuate false standards and unfair expectations? Personally, I think that’s harmful.’
‘That sounds beautiful, if we lived in an ideal world. Or should that be a Self-Love Utopia?’ Jimi said it jokingly, but it was laced with cynicism. ‘Everyone falsifies everything online. That’s just the way it is.’
