Page 98 of Bad Influence
‘So, did you get it?’ I asked, trying to sound calmer than I felt inside.
‘Yes, after a very awkward conversation on Facebook Messenger, I got it back.’ His dimple appeared when he smiled.
When Rob said this, a tense feeling I didn’t even realise I had been holding in my body seemed to melt away.
‘That’s good,’ I said, trying to make light of it, whilst wondering where the ring was right now. I bit my lip. As I took this news in, I noticed a strange, visceral reaction in my body, it was as though butterflies were emerging from cocoons inside my tummy.
I pictured Rob on bended knee, asking me to marry him.
We are back in New York when he’s doing this, not on the top of the Empire State Building, where I thought he was going to propose at the end of our time there, but on the big rocks in Central Park. It’s golden hour and the sun is warm on my skin. I feel happy, really happy.
The butterflies quietly fluttered when I had this thought. But it wasn’t an anxious or overwhelming sensation, it was a peaceful feeling – it felt as though I was just where I was supposed to be.
‘Are you okay?’ Rob asked. ‘You’ve gone quiet.’
As I looked back at him, a feeling of love flooded my brain. I wanted to keep looking at him more than I wanted to do anything else – even to order dessert.
‘I’m great, Rob. Thank you for telling me,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion, it was really unfair of me.’
‘Not all secrets are bad, you know, Amber,’ he said.
I thought about Jimi and the kiss then, wrestling with the question of whether it was okay to keep a locked safe within yourself, to which only you were allowed access.
‘Aren’t they?’ I asked, hanging my head. The pitch of my voice must have given something away.
‘Any secrets you need to tell me about?’ Rob probed.
It didn’t feel right to say nothing, especially after what he had just told me.
‘That guy Jimi,’ Rob said, reading my mind. ‘What’s his story?’
Is it weird that he’s brought him up?I turned to Rob, my eyes silently pleading with him; trying to tell him by osmosis to leave it. He must have read something into my failure to have mentioned Jimi at all during my time at the house. I was at a crossroads. He knew me so well.
‘He’s a bit of a player I think,’ I said, still toying with not telling him anything.
‘Did something happen between you?’ Rob asked me straight. He was sitting more upright, the air between us had thickened. Although he had never been a jealous person, Rob was intuitive.
‘Why do you ask that?’
‘Just something I sensed. You were being jumpy,’ he said.
I took a deep breath. ‘There was a kiss,’ I said. ‘I’d drunk lots of wine, we were in LA. It should never have happened. I’ve been beating myself up about it every day since. It was brief and I’m really sorry.’
I rested my eyes on the table as I waited for his response. The table seemed to blur at its edges, my chest tightened, ribs constricting around my heart.
Is he going to walk out of the pub?
Instead, Rob took my hand.
‘Is that really everything?’ he asked measuredly.
‘I promise, that’s it. It made me realise how much I love you.’
I blinked away a tear and when I raised my head, this time his face was blurred. I didn’t want to cry, I just wanted Rob to forgive me.
‘It’s okay.’ He stroked my hair with his hand. ‘I was distant, I know that. I should have told you what was going on.’
‘I should have been stronger. I was weak, falling for his flattery. I’m so sorry. He had bad clothes too.’ I hung my head.
