Page 75 of One More Shot
‘Darling,’ she clears her throat and then hands a wad of notes to Leanne. ‘This is for you. Don’t spend it all on sweets.’
‘Nan!’ Leanne squeals. She crosses the small gap between them and pulls Nan into a tight hug. ‘Thank you, thank you,thankyou.’
‘Are you staying for dinner?’ Nan asks.
Leanne glances at me for a brief second before she shakes her head. ‘Not today, but maybe we can do something soon? I’ll check my diary and get back to you.’
Nan gives her a stiff smile. ‘All right, darling.’
‘I’ve got to meet a friend now, but I’ll message you soon.’Leanne gives Nan a brief peck on the cheek and then shoots me a withering glance over her shoulder. ‘See you around, Eliott.’
I grit my teeth together so tightly, I’m surprised I don’t crack anything.
Nan waits until Leanne’s closed the front door behind her. ‘You don’t really feel like that, do you?’
I run a tired hand through my hair and sigh. ‘We were just having a stupid fight. Sister stuff. It’s nothing serious. You don’t have to worry about it.’
Nan strides across the kitchen and grasps my hands in hers. Her eyes are watery and the realisation makes my heart stop for a second. ‘What you said,’ she croaks out. ‘About nobody being there for you… Is that how you really feel?’
‘Nan—’ My voice breaks. Suddenly I feel like I’m nine years old. ‘I don’t—’
‘Tell me the truth.’
I don’t want to. I’ve kept this truth to myself for the entirety of my life and Nan, of all people, doesn’t need to hear it.
‘Please,’ Nan says as one lone tear starts to trail down her cheek. ‘Just tell me.’
Something inside me breaks.
‘I’m just so tired,’ I whisper. ‘I’m so tired of doingeverythingforeveryone. I’m tired of nobody else even thinking aboutme, and ifIneed help. Everyone just assumes I’ll be there to save the day. It doesn’t matter what I’ve got going on or what my plans are, you all lean on meso much.’
Tears streak down my cheeks and my words are broken up by hysterical little hiccups, but I can’t stop now. It’s like the floodgates have been opened.
‘And I end up hating myself because what kind of terrible person must I be to resent having to help my family?’
Nan’s hands come up to cup my face. ‘You arenota terrible person, Eliott. My little love.’
‘Nan—’ I manage to get out a loud sob when I hear the nickname she used to call me as a child.
‘You’re the most marvellous, most wonderful young woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I ask you for too much. I know I do.’
I try to shake my head, but she holds me firmly in place.
‘I should’ve known that it’s been taking its toll on you. Having to do all this for me. Having to keep an eye on Leanne and manage your mother and your brother all the time. It’s too much for anyone.’
‘But Iwantto help you, Nan,’ I sniff out. ‘Because if you can’t rely on me—’
‘Who can I rely on?’ Nan finishes off wryly. She knows just as well as me how unreliable the others are. ‘I don’t know, my little love. But that’s not your burden to shoulder alone. It never should’ve been. But you were always so smart.So quick. So resilient.’ She gives me a watery smile. ‘Even as a child, I knew I never had to worry about you.’
‘I jumped on that,’ I say. ‘I liked that I never caused anyone any trouble. That all the grown-ups could rely on me.’
‘Maybe we’ve relied on you too much,’ Nan says softly, her thumbs rubbing my tear-streaked cheeks. ‘We’ve been leaning on you for so long, we’ve forgotten how to stand ourselves.’
‘If I’m not there for you all, I get scared that you won’t need me anymore.’
The calls, the messages, they’ll all stop coming once they realise I’m not useful to them any longer.
‘I willalwaysneed you, my little love,’ Nan says. ‘But not like this. You look like you’re one step away from a nervous breakdown.’
