Page 101 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
‘Now, now, Alice.’
‘Erm, what?’
‘Matthew did warn us,’ said Mum.
Sneaky fucker. ‘About what?’
‘Well, darling,’ Dad chipped in, ‘you know Matthew can’t talk about the merger with us. And we’d prefer it if you didn’t either. We want to be fair and support you both.’
‘How’s that fair? I’m your daughter. Why shouldn’t I talk about the situation at workwith my own parents?’
‘I’m disappointed, Alice,’ said Mum sternly. ‘There’s Matthew, insisting he shouldn’t see us at all until all this is over – such a thoughtful boy and we told him “nonsense” – and you’re not willing to give an inch. Mind you, Matthew warned us you’d find it tricky.’
‘Find it tricky?’
‘My love, you’re hardly one for keeping things to yourself,’ said Dad gently.
‘Yes, indeed,’ agreed Mum. ‘I, for one, Alice, could have done without knowing that Monty has a right-leaning curvature to his erect penis which he inherited from his father. I find it hard to look his mother straight in the eye.’
‘I can be discreet. I haven’t told you anything about… ’ I was going to say Guy Carmichael, but realised I’d be shooting myself in the foot.
‘It would be wonderful if you could be, just for a couple of weeks,’ said Dad. ‘I knew you’d understand that this is Matthew’s career. Not something to compromise.’
‘It’s my career too!’ I muttered.
‘Career?’ said Arrie. ‘That’s a bit of a stretch, surely.’
‘He’s got to protect the interests of these poor people who are helpless in the stranglehold of big business,’ continued Dad sadly. ‘What a pressure to oversee something as serious as a merger; people’s entire lives depend on those jobs.’
‘I’m one of those poor people!’ I pointed out. ‘And he’s a big bloody business himself. I’m not convinced he’s about helping others.’
‘You’re living practically rent-free in Chiswick,’ said Astrid sharply. ‘If you lose your job, the worst it’s going to do is affectyour social life. And, for clarity, Matthew does more to help others in one day than you’ll do in a lifetime.’
There was Astrid’s bedside manner coming through again. I didn’t mention it but I suspected she’d make a shit doctor. ‘Thanks for your feedback,’ I said instead.
‘Decision made,’ said Mum. ‘We shall erect a Chinese wall and continue to see both Alice and Matthew.’
And then Edwin came in and asked what World Book Day costume he’d be wearing tomorrow and Arrie said, ‘But that was last Thursday? I assumed the school weren’t doing it this year?’
And Edwin explained it had been moved to Monday because Mrs Kemp was at a conference last Thursday, and it had to be a home-made costume – you weren’t allowed a bought one. Understandably, Arrie started swearing and saying how much she hated fucking books and that bloody Roger was utterly useless and how was she meant to do everything?
And Mum said, ‘Well, don’t you have a tea towel? Surely he could go as a nun, or an Arab?’
I left Astrid to explain to Mum why he couldn’t.
I ask the Universe:
To one day, get my family to respect my career.
Date: Monday 6 MarchTime: 7.10pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Weird coming in to work today. Everything is, essentially, the same but very slightly different. Lydia was on security but instead of her suit jacket being on the back of the seat, she was wearing it buttoned up, and instead of a scowl, she was wearing a smile – well, at least until she saw it was just me. Yaz’s desk was pristine and devoid of food and there was a fruit selection in the kitchen. Even Drunk Stephen had sharpened up his skin fades, which shouldn’t be possible considering they’re always immaculate. His trainers were a dazzling white that would rival the brightest Turkish veneers. ‘Wow,’ I said, ‘someone’s made an effort.’
‘I always look good, Alice,’ he said. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary here.’
Except, of course, for the notice which had been stuck to the meeting room door: Clare Atkins, LL Group.
