Page 102 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
Guy’s assistant, Iris, was wearing lipstick and had put a bunch of battered fake flowers on the desk. ‘Nice flowers,’ I said.
‘They’re dusty,’ she said. ‘I took them from the bathroom at home but every little helps, doesn’t it?’ I noticed her hands were shaking as she tidied papers on her desk.
‘Iris,’ I said, ‘I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about. You’re a lynchpin round here.’
‘It’s hard not to worry, Alice,’ she said, ‘when you’ve got cats to feed. I don’t want to let them down. They need me.’
‘I’m sure you won’t let them down, Iris.’
I didn’t mention that she had lipstick on her teeth because she seemed quite wobbly as it was.
Guy strode past without pausing at my desk and went straight to his office. ‘Christ, Iris,’ I heard him drawl, ‘did you do your make-up in the dark? You’re going to scare the consultants.’
Cara called a quick meeting in one of the side rooms and told us we all had this and to carry on as we normally would. She said we’d been clearly told that that the LL Group were an independent third party and that we needed to accept this at face value and feel confident.
Nervous Jane said, ‘But they’re firing us.’
‘No,’ said Cara patiently. ‘Carsons are.’ Then as Nervous Jane’s face crumpled, Cara hastily added, ‘Some of us! Only some of us.’
‘Is this Clare Atkins in the main meeting room already?’ whispered Yaz.
Cara didn’t know. No one seemed to know. ‘Just get on as normal,’ Cara repeated, her voice only slightly strained.
So we got on as ‘normal’, and there was a sort of hive of activity and industry, but the door stayed shut, and I felt like I’d been on the Red Bull.
Just before lunch, Guy came out of his office, knocked on the meeting door room, waited and then opened it. There was a sudden hush as everyone watched. ‘For fuck’s sake,’ he said.‘She isn’t even in there,’ and then he told Iris to keep a fucking eye whilst he took an early lunch.
‘Someone’s stressed,’ said Yaz under her breath.
A moment later, my phone buzzed with a message from Guy, saying this whole merger process was making him hungry, and asking if I had plans this lunchtime or if he could eat me out. I didn’t know if it was a typo, but said yes.
FYI: Clare Atkins from LL Group didn’t turn up all day.
FYI 2: It wasn’t a typo.
I ask the Universe:
To let me get my meeting with Clare Atkins over and done with quickly.
Date: Tuesday 7 MarchTime: 1.15pm
My thoughts and reflections:
So it’s only lunchtime and I’ve already got my meeting with Clare Atkins over and done with. Maybe I should start my own TikTok: manifest work meetings at your convenience! Honestly, I only asked the Universe yesterday and the very next day my meeting with Clare Atkins was booked for 9.30am! I don’t know if it would pull the views but I mean there is no getting round the fact that I am manifesting successfully.
Clare Atkins was not what I was expecting. She was probably in her late fifties and small and smiley. I didn’t expect to cry, either. She did the whole thing about this being a confidential process, and reiterated that same stuff Matthew had said about how the LL Group were actually here serving the interests of Carsons’ employees. Then came the normal questions about strengths and weaknesses, teamwork, achievements, etc., after which she quizzed me about my colleagues. And then she asked me what I thought other people at work would say about me. All fine, until she asked if she could read me one piece of feedback she’d been given about me from the 360s. I shat myself whilst smiling and saying, ‘Of course, I welcome feedback’ but I clearly didn’t fool her because her eyes twinkled and she said, ‘I think you’ll enjoy this,’ and then I panickedthinking what if this is a trap and she’s going to read out a dirty message from Guy Carmichael and then HR will come and escort me and I’ll have to leave the building with a cardboard box and I don’t even have a plant to put in it.
But then she read, ‘I’m always glad when I get to work with Alice because I know that not only will the work get done, but it will get done quickly and expertly, and that everyone ends up giving more than they usually do yet without feeling like they have – she brings an energy that’s kind of special and makes everyone feel valued.’
‘Oh,’ I said.
‘Here’s another,’ she said. ‘Alice is a born leader when it comes to her projects, and a creative and dynamic and, as of yet, untapped asset to the wider team; I have no doubt that when she chooses to do so, she will rapidly rise in her career and deservedly so.’ Clare stopped at this point and surveyed me over her glasses. ‘There are more comments like these,’ she said, ‘and they were a pleasure to read. I think what surprises me then, is the fact that you’ve mentioned several times that you are in your late thirties—’
‘Well, mid,’ I corrected.
‘And that you are an Editor. And then I looked back through your form and saw that when you started here, you spent six months covering as Senior Editor. Why the backwards move when the fixed term ended? Something doesn’t add up here, Alice. Why are you settling for a position that doesn’t match your potential? Are Carsons failing to recognise the worth of certain employees? Or is it because, for some reason, you don’t recognise your own worth?’
And I don’t know if it’s because she looked a tiny bit likeGranny Carver (not that I could see her thighs because she was wearing a skirt) or whether it was PMT, but I ended up snivelling and snuffling and explaining to her that my older sisters were horrifically successful and that Astrid regularly worked seventy hours a week, and that Arrie had her own business with a million pound turnover by the time she was twenty-five, and that I was quite different to them and that I’d had some awful school reports from St Hilda’s, which was probably why I always ended up having to sleep in the garage when I went home.
