Page 107 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
Astrid laughed.
I didn’t.
‘It’s not funny. These are people’s lives were talking about.’
‘Not really people,’ said Astrid dismissively.
‘Guy is a person and he’s really worried—’
‘Guy should be worried,’ said Astrid. ‘He’s a disgrace. You’re his employee. And he tried to manipulate you to get to Matthew. You could do better. And you should know better—’
‘So should you,’ I snapped. ‘It’s my life, my relationship and it’s up to me who I sleep with. So Guy made a mistake or two. He’s no more manipulative than you are, Astrid. Has it even occurred to you that I might care about him?’
‘Has it ever occurred to you,’ she said, looking over her coffee at me, ‘that I might care aboutyou, Alice?’
Iwas in my room folding clothes when there was a gentle knock on the half-open door.
‘Not right now, Astrid,’ I said.
‘It isn’t Astrid,’ said a deep voice.
I whipped round and there he was, leaning against the door frame, arms folded, waiting. No wonder my heart was beating faster – it was probably just the shock. I wondered if he’d practised standing like that in front of the mirror:hmm, what’s the ideal pose to look sexy, insouciant, and yet patently powerful. Okay. Perfected.Maybe Ebba helped him. I thought about trying to close the door on him, but in a fight, he’d definitely win against the door. I realised I was staring and turned away again.
‘The email I received from your LL Group didn’t explicitly state that we shouldn’t meet in my bedroom, but I’m thinking it may not bebestpractice,’ I said.
‘Yeah. About all of this. I am sorry,’ said Matthew.
I could hear he’d come further into the room. I waited for the sarcastic follow-up. ‘And… ?’
‘That’s it,’ said Matthew. ‘I wanted to say I’m sorry. And whilst it’s genuinely not up to me what happens to Guy Carmichael, I have heard what you’ve said.’
‘What does that even mean? Hearing what I’ve said doesn’t count for anything. Presumably, if I’ve said it, it actually works against me, given what you think of me.’
‘What do I think of you?’
‘Well, to quote from our recent conversation at your hotel, you think that I’m inherently selfish, that I only see half the world, that—’
‘Yeah,’ said Matthew. ‘I did say that.’
‘So you’re not saying sorry for that?’
‘I’m saying sorry for putting you in this position with your work and Guy,’ said Matthew. ‘And yes, I am sorry for what I said to you at the Lamb too.’
‘But you still think it… ’
‘I think plenty of other things about you too, Alice,’ he said, his voice low. ‘Always have.’
I turned round again to face him, but his attention was caught elsewhere, staring ahead at the wall. I followed the trajectory of his gaze and realised he’d clocked my visioning board. I knew there was a reason I should have at least tried to shut the bedroom door on him. I quickly moved to get in between him and the board but I was too slow.
‘That’s private,’ I said.
He ignored me and continued to examine the photos in silence. It was excruciating, waiting for comment. He’d have plenty to say about the photos of him, I reckoned. He’d assume I had a crush on him and that fucking annoying smile would emerge and nothing I said would remove it and—
‘Jesus, that photo. . .’ said Matthew, staring at the photo on the paddock where he isn’t smiling. The one in the centre of my board.
‘Yes?’ I felt impatient, wanting to get the humiliation done with.
‘I had no idea someone took it. Strange seeing it after all these years.’
