Page 122 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
The only person I’ve confessed all to is Drunk Stephen – I have to if we’re working together – and he was surprisingly kind about it, even the fact I didn’t tell him about Matthew Lloyd and the merger. He just made me tell him everything, right from the beginning, and hugged me and said,Knowing you’ve missed out on Matthew Lloyd must be like realising you’ve given away your winning lottery ticket. And that on reflection, Matthew Lloyd should really have stretched to a shirt and tie when he was working here, and even if you did look that indecently good in a T-shirt, there was such a thingas an iron. The fact that that was Drunk Stephen’s best effort to be bitchy says a lot.
The worst thing is Ebba went to some film premiere a couple of weeks back and Matthew accompanied her and their photos are everywhere, and everyone at work has been poring over them and commenting and talking about how gorgeous he is and how weird it was that he was working on the nineteenth floor and how of course he’d be with a model like Ebba. The media picked up on Matthew’s background and how he’s self-made, so everyone’s even more in love. And it snowballed further when the media got hold of a recent Turner prize short-lister who credited their success to Matthew’s art foundation charity for disadvantaged youth. The other day, in our team meeting, Yaz suggested that we use Matthew Lloyd for our Break Into series. That was a particularly low moment.
Drunk Stephen has tried to protect me from the worst of it, or compensate for it with margaritas, but we can’t drink quite as much tequila now we’re running an imprint – there’s too much to do.
At least Charlotte’s back from Scotland now, and it seems like it all turned out well for her, so I can stop feeling guilty. She not only got everyone on board with the third-party distribution and increased overall productivity in the warehouse by fifteen per cent, but was behind Forklift Stewart winning the Forklift Championship finals in Canada, which resulted in loads of publicity and cash prizes. Plus, bizarrely, she’s started dating Sweater-vest Gareth from Accounts; whilst she was in Scotland, there was a lot of emailing between them about distribution finances, and one thing led to another. According to Drunk Stephen, Charlotte’s constantly posting clips of themdoing couples trapeze skill classes. Apparently Gareth’s arms have really filled out.
I am grateful for:
The fact there are still four weeks to go until the christening back home. Something might still happen in the meantime to save me from it.
All the positives. Like being alive. Etc.
Date: Tuesday 13 JuneTime: 8.15pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Last night’s Margarita Monday was devoted to Matthew Lloyd and the issue of the christening. Have also told Yaz now because she was getting concerned about my misery. Yaz and Drunk Stephen decided it was too much for me to see Matthew Lloyd and Ebba, especially in that context, and helped me compose apologetic email to Tristan and Penelope saying that something had cropped up at work and I would now be unable to join them.
I should feel relieved…
My intention is:
To send Cara an email letting her know her mum was doing really well when I visited on Sunday.
Date: Wednesday 14 JuneTime: 6.00pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Have spent the day fielding messages and calls from Mum and Arrie.
Arrie: WTF? You can’t cancel last minute. It’s not a pot luck, it’s a christening, Alice.
Mum: Darling, have just had horrific run-in with Barbara Cavendish in the co-op and she says you’re pulling out of the christening for work! Absolutely not, Alice. You’ll ruin her seating plan. Penelope’s your old school-friend. Also I’ve told everyone you’re bringing someone?
Arrie: If you’re coming for Astrid and Aziz’s leaving party the very next day it looks even ruder.
I’d completely forgotten about that leaving party. Fuck…
Me: I may not be able to make that either, unfortunately.
Arrie: Don’t be so bloody selfish, Alice.
Mum: You are not missing your own sister’s farewell do, Alice Carver. Think of how Astrid will feel. Not an option.
‘So, you have to see Matthew Lloyd either way?’ checked Drunk Stephen.
‘Pretty much. If I want to keep my family.’
‘Well then,’ said Drunk Stephen, ‘the only thing I can suggest is that you do both events in style, and that I come with you.’
I am letting go of:
The fact that Drunk Stephen looked at me and said ten days wasn’t a lot to work with.
Guide Post™
Sometimes, the hardest gift of all to accept is defeat.
