Page 14 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
‘—Matthew!’ squealed my mum with delight, practically shoving poor Aziz and the supposedly beloved cat out of the way to get to him. ‘You know you’re family. Come in, darling boy. Merry Christmas!’
I noted Mum doesn’t hug her actual family like that; I mean Roger hasn’t even had a look in, but hey-ho.
‘So what did I miss?’ said Matthew.
‘Nothing interesting,’ said Astrid.
Maud eyed me aggressively and growled a little more intensely. What was her problem?
‘Can I see Aunty Alice’s elephant legs?’ asked Ernie in a horribly loud whisper, his snotty hands pushing the table into my stomach and wedging me against the radiator as he tried to peer over the top.
‘Manners!’ admonished Roger.
‘Sorry,’ said Ernie. ‘Can I see Aunty Alice’s elephant legs,please?’
Maud suddenly barked several times, making me almost choke on my sausage, and I wasn’t the only one: the cat startled and jumped out of Aziz’s arms.
‘Quiet!’ roared Arrie, silencing everybody in the room.
The cat dived out the open window. Good move.
‘Oh no!’ said Mum. ‘The cat’s gone again. And it’s Christmas Day!’
‘She doesn’t like Maud barking,’ said Edwin.
‘Why is she barking?’ said Mum, looking over. Her brow clouded. ‘Alice! What are you doing in Maud’s chair?’
Everyone turned to look at me.
‘Um. What?’ I said, mid-sausage-chew.
‘That’s Maud’s chair,’ said Arrie. ‘She likes the warmth of the radiator.’
‘So do I.’
‘She’s pedigree!’ said Mum.
‘Alice knows all about class,’ said Matthew.
Astrid giggled.
I rose above it.
‘Move, Alice,’ said Mum.
‘I don’t see why I have to move for the dog.’
Maud whined pitifully.
Everybody looked at me.
‘Oh Alice,’ said Dad reproachfully.
‘What?!’
‘Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to, don’t we, Grandpa?’ said Ernie. ‘It’s called being grown-up, isn’t it?’
I’d obviously never say this to Arrie because she’s extremely touchy about her youngest twin but I think Ernie needs to learn to be less of a twat. No wonder Edwin hits him a lot.
