Page 6 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
‘Well, I’m sorry too. I know I’ve said it many times, and I know it doesn’t make it better, but I really didn’t mean to hurt you.’ He’d been so distraught when I ended things that he started trying to bargain, even offering to move his motherout. That hadn’t gone down well, particularly as she was right there in the kitchen with us.
‘You couldn’t help the way you felt, Alice. Just like I couldn’t help the way I felt.’
We stood for a moment and then I went to pull back, so I could blow my nose, but Monty held on.
‘We were good together though, weren’t we, Alice?’ he whispered into my hair, breathing nasally. It reminded of when we used to have sex. ‘I wish I’d been enough for you. Beautiful Alice,’ he said, his voice cracking slightly.
I needed that after all the crap I’d had. I’d forgotten how nice Monty’s adoration was.
‘Beautiful, quite young-looking Alice?’ I asked hopefully, thinking about the fact that Minty looks about twelve.
‘No one else holds a candle to you. I still miss you, Alice,’ he said hoarsely.
‘You don’t think I’m selfish, do you?’ I asked, remembering Astrid’s earlier accusations.
‘I like giving to you, Alice. Always have. Your glorious body. God, I still think about what your face looks like when you—’
‘Er, Monty.’ I tried to disentangle myself slightly. ‘I think someone may be a bit drunk.’
‘Why, Alice?’ he said, his face blotching with intensity. ‘Why wasn’t I enough for you? You know I cried myself to sleep every night for a whole year. I’d have given you anything. I’d have worshipped you every minute of every day if you’d let me. Physically.’
Golly. I’d forgotten how quickly the adoration could get quite intense. ‘Come on,’ I said, retreating. ‘We’ve beenthrough this. It’s not that you weren’t enough. We’re just better suited to being friends. Let’s get you back to your wedding.’
But Monty was on a one-way road. ‘It should have been you, Alice, today. And clearly you know that too. Otherwise, why would you be here now? Giving me hope.’
And just as I was wondering how to get the fuck out of this situation, the library door opened and Joyless Julian and Astrid rushed in and grabbed the microphone off the table.
Andactuallyswitched it off.
‘Monty!’ I said in horror. ‘You said it was off!’
Astrid’s eyes were shining with fury. ‘Seriously, Alice. What did I say? Youpromisednot to make it all about you.’
Monty went sort of slush-coloured. ‘Oh dear god. Who heard?’
‘By some stroke of luck, Monty,’ said Astrid, ‘almost everyone else was in the bar listening to the harp recital. There were just the three of us left in the restaurant with the speaker. Me, Julian and… ’
‘Please god, not Mummy?’ said Monty.
I could see Alice and Julian weren’t expecting that. I was.
‘No, not your mother,’ said Astrid. ‘And most importantly,’ she said carefully, ‘notyour wifeeither. It was me, Julian and… ’
And just when I thought maybe the universe wasn’t out to get me after all, that’s when the worst nudge, nay, shove from the universe happened… A tall, dark figure appeared at the doorway, very definitely male, and the room seemed to shrink.
Matthew.
Fucking.
Lloyd.
He leant against the library door. Christ. Were his shoulders always that broad? I broke out into a sweat.
‘And me,’ said Matthew drily.
Sometimes we need to take a step back in order to take two steps forward. Nudges can feel bad but that’s okay: that’s the Universe giving you the motivation to change. Pickoneof the above nudges that you found particularly difficult – ideally one that resulted in strongly negative feelings.
Matthew Fucking Lloyd
