Page 97 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
I had that unpleasant sensation in the pit of my stomach that I may have gone too far, like when I told Mum she was a terrible mother and that the only reason we all stuck around was because Dad overcompensated for her unkindness and maybe she should stop being such a bitch to him. It’s the only time Dad has ever shouted at me.
Then Matthew took a step towards me, his face hard. If anything he was even more offensively attractive when he lost his characteristic insouciance – he looked older and tougher, slightly menacing, like he’d lived a life, and like you wouldn’t want to piss him off. And right now, I was extremely aware that I had, indeed, pissed him off. I took a step backwards, and met with the wall. There was nowhere to go. He took another step closer, so we were inches apart and then he leant down to me. I involuntarily swallowed. His physical nearness was intoxicating and unfair: I could feel my muscles weakening in response.
‘For a second, Alice,’ he said, his voice dangerously quiet, ‘I thought you might be on to something, when you called me jealous. But I should have known that someone as inherently selfish as you only sees half the world.’
But then there was a sudden change in temperature as the cellar door opened.
‘Oh, I’m sorry for interrupting,’ began the waitress.
‘You’re not interrupting anything.’ Matthew’s voice was cold as he smoothly stepped away from me. ‘I’m done here.’
And then he turned and left, without a backwards glance.
Guy was irked when I found him in the library and rejoined him, without Matthew. ‘You’ve been bloody agesandyou let him go, Alice?’ He set his brandy down a little too vigorously on the wooden table. ‘This was my opportunity to do some networking.’
‘I don’t get it,’ I said. ‘I thought we were meant to be keeping this all secret. Why would you want Matthew Lloyd to know you’re seeing me?’
‘Because you two are family friends – it’s a connection.’
‘Yes, but it’s still literally one step away from screwing your secretary, sleeping with me!’
‘Alice,’ said Guy, exhaling. ‘It’s entirely different. Look at you – he’ll understand. Matthew Lloyd is a man of the world. Anyone who understands how to pair an Eiswein Riesling correctly understands the ways of the world. Sex in the workplace happens.’
‘Hmm,’ I said, thinking that Guy had really misjudged this one. ‘I’m not convinced. Matthew’s almost as boring as my sister when it comes to the law and ethics.’
‘Maybe. But the man is also serious business. He’s not some “i dotter” Brenda in HR who wants to sack her boss because she’s grown up with a sense of inferiority. Or a pencil-pushing Paul who’s vindictive because he has to be grateful for a bit of vintage vagina from his wife twice a year. Matthew Lloydis a success story. And I’m bloody successful at my job. Now you’ve connected us, I’ve got the chance to ensure he knows that.’
‘Right.’ I thought back to what Matthew said about Guy using me. ‘It would have been useful for me to know you had this in mind when you suggested this night away.’
‘Alice, Alice.’ Guy reached under the table and squeezed my knee. ‘I had other ideas in mind. Meeting Matthew was a useful adjunct to spending time with you.’
‘I still wish you’d told me. You didn’t even mention that Matthew was the LL Group.’
‘I wasn’t sure it was the same person. I did tell you that my meeting last week didn’t go well, and that I’d prefer to deal with the main man. Now I am. Thanks to you.’ His eyes lingered on my breasts. ‘There’s something else I’d like to deal with too. Shall we go upstairs?’
As much as I was usually up for having sex, I didn’t feel like it right at that moment. ‘I need a brandy myself.’
We had a couple more drinks and he suggested that I organise breakfast with Matthew Lloyd tomorrow and he would head back to London later than planned. Rather than tell him now that Matthew and I were no longer speaking, I gave a noncommittal response, as the chances are, some pressing work issue will mean Guy won’t be able to hang around anyway. I was relieved when he changed the subject and started quizzing me about Arrie and whether she and Astrid and I looked alike. He said he might come along to the shoot for a bit so he could meet Arrie. He then told me that the thought of my sisters was ‘giving him ideas’ and he bet Matthew Lloyd spent half his teenage yearscranking out a fair few over us. I said that was gross and Guy shrugged and said it was a mark of appreciation and if I were really honest with myself I wouldn’t want to be like Iris because he doubted anyone had ever whacked off to her.
Despite his many ideas, indigestion is a bitch and Guy and I ended up not having sex. He said he’d have a good night’s rest and promised to wake me up rudely in the morning. I, however, have not been afforded a good night’s rest. I can’t sleep. Maybe it’s because I drank too much. Or maybe it’s because it’s weird being here with my boss. My boss, who technically still has a wife, and going by this chair, a wife with good taste. If I could afford it, I’d buy one of these chairs myself; it’s beautiful and comfortable. What’s not so comfortable is the resulting itching from the combination of overzealous hair removal and lacy underwear. Guy’s wife allegedly hasn’t trimmed her pubes since 2015 when she told Guy she wasn’t a fucking box hedge and if he were so keen on topiary he could take out a RHS membership and leave off pestering her for sex. One of the many reasons they’re getting a divorce, according to Guy. I squash the recollection of Matthew saying, ‘Alice, he’s talking to his wiferight now.’ Just because Guy’s expedient doesn’t mean he’s a liar. I don’t need to worry about Guy’s wife. In fact, she’s probably sleeping soundly now, free from itching and snoring. Unlike me.
I wish I hadn’t thought of Matthew again. I’d rather think about Guy’s wife. Every time I close my eyes, I picture how Matthew looked, hear how cold and final he sounded when he said he was done with me. And despite the fact that I’m ina hotel, surrounded by people, and sharing a room with Guy, I feel totally alone.
I ask the Universe:
To make sure wedon’t seeMatthew Lloyd tomorrow.
Guide Post™
Are you feeling tired? Stressed? Worried that your manifesting is going awry? You may have ‘Energy Drain’. Energy Drain blocks the flow of vibrations and inhibits manifesting success. Take steps to redress your Energy Drain:
Say no to unnecessary obligations
Stay away from energy vampires
Eat well and avoid meat
Enjoy solitude and sleep
