Page 99 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
In a rare moment of functional relationship-ship, she even drew Aziz, who was reading a journal over on the sofa, into the lambasting. ‘Tell her she’s a complete idiot, Aziz. In your professional opinion.’
‘As a therapist,’ I said, ‘I’m sure Aziz knows people fall in love at work all the time.’
Aziz was characteristically restrained; he didn’t look upfrom his journal. ‘It may be helpful to consider this relationship in the context of previous relationships,’ he answered.
‘As far as I remember,’ said Astrid, ‘she hasn’t had a decent relationship since Ollie.’
Aziz ignored her. ‘If you’ve experienced love in previous relationships and you’re seeking that in this one then there is a chance you’ll find it. However, if this is a pattern of relationships that don’t work out, that don’t make you happy, you may want to consider if you’re seeking out partners that aren’t really available. And indeed why that might be.’
‘There you go, Alice,’ said Astrid. ‘Aziz thinks you’re an idiot.’
But then Aziz did something I wasn’t expecting. He stood up and looked at Astrid. ‘She’s no more of an idiot than I am, Astrid.’ Then he turned to me. ‘Maybe just think things through before you dive into marriage, Alice,’ he said, closing his journal and leaving the room.
I am letting go of:
The idea that there is such a thing as a happy ever after.
Date: Monday 27 FebruaryTime: 4.55pm
My thoughts and reflections:
We received another of those merger emails from Alistair Fridman, CEO of Carsons, this morning. He said that the senior leadership at Carsons have now had their initial meetings and outlined their plans for workforce direction with the LL Group, and that the same is currently happening over at Montague Place. He said we could look forward to welcoming the LL Group at the Carsons’ offices from next Monday for up to three weeks. Although they will be dividing their time between here and Montague Place, we should be prepared for them to be on-site at any time, and prioritise making ourselves available when we are called upon.
Nervous Jane wasn’t in today so I didn’t have to listen to her ostentatious crying again but Cara left her desk quite abruptly a few minutes after the email came through and when she returned, she looked a bit red-eyed. Everyone noticed. Yaz whispered to me that apparently Cara and Harry Piles had an argument last week where Cara had lost her cool and said, ‘No, Harry, Editorial wouldn’t do it that way in any publishing company, which is why we need to do it this way.’ And then Harry had said that she might want to fact-check that, because he was confident Montague Place would be keen to do it hisway. So Cara did some ‘fact-checking’ and discovered that her counterpart at Montague Place, James Harrison, was at school with Harry Piles. Yaz reckons Cara must be terrified about getting fired now.
I know it’s not my problem and I should be worrying about my own role, but I feel for Cara. Thing is though, Cara’s my line manager so I don’t really feel I can just go up to her and try and reassure her about her job. It would be easier if it happened organically, like over a glass of wine. I was going to keep tonight free in case Guy Carmichael invites me over, but I haven’t heard from him since I messaged on Friday asking if we could talk, and I know he’s seen me because he’s in his office. I should never have used the word ‘talk’. Cara’s not the only one worrying that her job is in danger… Keep thinking about Charlotte and hoping there are no important editorial issues arising in Scotland that Guy decides I’m perfect for. Anyway, I might suggest Monday Margaritas to Drunk Stephen and see if Cara wants to come along. Might even invite Yaz too. I need to make the most of still having friends, because at some point, I’m going to have to tell them I know the CEO of the LL Group.
I ask the Universe:
To make sure I don’t have to see Matthew Lloyd.
To help Cara keep her job.
To get Guy Carmichael to message me back.
Date: Tuesday 28 FebruaryTime: 11.05am
My thoughts and reflections:
Still too hungover to write much. Suffice to say Margarita Monday was a success in a number of ways. Cara loosened up after a few drinks and had a proper cry – snot and all. Apparently, she’s just remortgaged her place so she can pay for her mum’s nursing home, and is worried sick about what will happen to her mum if she loses her job. Cara has been caring for her mum ever since she was thirteen, and financially supporting her for years. No wonder she’s so serious and stressed. The care home has transformed Cara’s life – her mum is happy and, for the first time ever, Cara has some freedom. We were all a bit pissed by then and told Cara we’d give her money if she lost her job so she could keep her mum in the home. Well, if we keep ours.
Drunk Stephen also said he was angsting over his job. Cara told him that he was one of the best designers she had ever worked with in nearly thirty years of publishing and that he had it in the bag. Then they started talking about the consultants coming in next week and how tense it was all going to be. Cara said she’d googled the LL Group earlier; this felt like the time I should mention the fact I knew Matthew. But I bottled it. More drinks arrived and Yaz started talkingabout how she’s worried her flatmate is wanking in her bed. The moment had gone.
We must have been about four rounds in when I got a message from Guy Carmichael asking if I wanted to come over. I was pissed and bold and I’ve lost loads of jobs anyway so what’s one more: I took the risk and told himNo, I want to see you for a drink first. Can we meet at the Mulberry Bush?Then I felt less bold for about half an hour whilst I heard nothing. At last he textedAmerican Bar at the Savoy – I want a proper drink.So even though it was a bit more of a trek from here, I went to the loos and redid my make-up and made excuses about leaving – Drunk Stephen said, ‘She’s got her about-to-get-shagged face on,’and I kicked him but I knew he wouldn’t give anything away, but Yaz, who was also drunk, kept asking who I was going off to see and really wouldn’t let it go.
And eventually, I said, ‘Just a friend.’
And then Yaz turned into a bit of a nightmare and said, ‘Oh my god, it’s someone from work, isn’t it?’ And then, ‘It is so totally someone from work, look at her face! Who is it? Cara do you know who she’s shagging at work?’
And I was actually getting a bit stressed until Drunk Stephen distracted Yaz by saying he thought Timothée Chalamet had just walked in.
Guy was already there when I arrived (he was wearing the same clothes he had at work and his navy coat which I think is my favourite) and for the first time since we’d gone for lunch, I think both of us were aware that this could go either way.He ordered a negroni and I ordered another margarita, but before I drank it, I came right out and just said, ‘So, Guy, is your interest in me primarily an interest in Matthew Lloyd? I would appreciate your being straight up with me.’
And as the pianist played smooth jazz, Guy blinked for a second and seemed a little taken aback. But then he reached across the table and took my hand and said, ‘Look, Alice. It certainly doesn’t hurt your appeal, that you have the connections you do. But I like you.’
I must have looked uncertain at that point because he reiterated, ‘I do. I’ve got to admit, you’re rather unexpected. I’m not going to do you the disrespect of pretending this is something it isn’t. But, I will say there’s something refreshing about you, Alice. As well as extremely fuckable.’
‘You mean I’m an easy lay,’ I echoed Matthew’s words in the wine cellar.
