Page 105 of A Winding Wave of Magic
“As far as I know, their affair started at school. They used to sneak out to the shallows on the beach when Gran was asleep. Sybil’s not known for her self-control, and Daddy was plain, so, of course, he was no use. It wasn’t long before she was pregnant with me.
“Gran wanted to get rid of me. Sibyl was sixteen, just a girl, with no real way to take care of a baby, and Jimmy was just a year older, about to graduate high school, and the fishing and logging industries that had sustained his family for generations were dying. So, he enlisted. We lived on base at Pendleton until he was deployed to Iraq. Then he brought us back to Oregon. And Sibyl let him.”
I stopped there. My hands were gripping my knees so hard that there might be bruises through my jeans and the leather gloves.
Jonathan rubbed a cheek and settled his hand around the back of his neck as he responded. “Surely you don’t blame Sybil for your father’s death, though.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t at first. But you don’t understand Sybil…she loved the strength of that uniform, she loved living on base. I think she just loved not being fae anymore. My dad, he didn’t know a thing about what we were, but she couldn’t do that with him around all the time. I think she knew the only way to make it work with him was to keep him at arm’s length, and his deployments were a good tool for that. It was selfish, and she should have known better.”
“Cass, I didn’t know your father, but it was his decision too,” Jonathan pointed out. “No one stays in the military for more than a decade without a choice.”
“I saw him die,” I whispered.
Jonathan glanced at me. “What?”
“I said…I saw him die. Like I was there.”
“What do you mean, you saw him die? I thought you couldn’t See anyone from afar like that.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. We were arguing about laundry or something like that. And then all of a sudden, she started shrieking. Gran ran in and clutched us together, and I could See the real truth.”
“And what was that?” Jonathan asked curiously.
“First, I Saw my father’s death. I Saw the IED explode, his clothes burn away, and his skin erupt into blisters. I felt his body turn to hamburger, and I knew the moment he died. You don’t know pain until you’ve not only watched someone you love die but lived it with them. It split me into pieces.”
I pulled my hair back from my face and held it tight between my hands, wishing for a rubber band to keep the black mess out of my eyes. I released it, and it tumbled back around myshoulders. Jonathan had the good sense to remain quiet, giving me the space to gather myself before I could continue.
“Then I Saw that Sybil knew it was going to happen. She had known how it would go since they were just kids.” I clenched my teeth. The pain of that particular memory never seemed to ebb. “But it was the last truth that got me, you know? She was relieved when she knew it had finally happened. Relieved that he was gone for good. Relieved that she’d never have to See it again.”
I looked over to Jonathan, who was regarding me sympathetically. “So you don’t speak because she did nothing to stop it, and she was glad it was over?” he asked. “Is that unreasonable? There are plenty who believe death is fated.”
“Are you one of them? You’re a scientist, for Pete’s sake.”
He ignored me. “If your mother had to watch her husband die repeatedly while she knew him, I can’t say I blame her for feeling relief when she didn’t have to See it anymore. You say the one vision split you into pieces. If she loved him, she lived that, what, daily? Weekly? However often she Saw it?”
I didn’t know how often Sybil had Seen my father’s death. I’d never asked.
“She didn’t even try to stop it.” My voice was suddenly small. “And once he was gone, she stopped trying with me too. Left me in Manzanita to become a hack fortuneteller. Screw my daughter, screw my mother, screw my husband. Well, I don’t speak to Sybil because screw her too. She doesn’t deserve any more sympathy than that.”
When I was finished, I was gripping my knees so tightly that my fingernails were cutting through my gloves. I released them and focused on taking deep breaths.
Jonathan’s hand floated into my frame of vision, hovering over my knee while he steered with his other hand. He startedto draw back, but upon looking into my eyes directly, he exhaled through his nose and set his palm on my knuckles.
Twin swells of sympathy and horror flowed up my arm, followed by surprisingly deep fondness. His thoughts, uncharacteristically jumbled and spontaneous, began to rattle off with the abandon of someone who hadn’t yet taken the time to figure them all out. For once, his mind sounded real. Unpracticed. Human.
I understand.
You’ve endured real trauma.
You’re not alone.
At the center of his thoughts, a memory of a kiss flashed, a vision of my face leaning toward his and the pressure of my lips as they made contact, paired with a longing that seemed to travel past my head and down through his torso.
I started at the depth I sensed there.
A depth I’d felt myself.
A depth I’d Seen before in the way my father looked at my mother.
