Page 8 of Worthy Now
Carter rolls his eyes and swats my hand away before steering the conversation back on topic.
“Listen, man. I think it’s natural for you two to tiptoe around each other. You haven’t laid eyes on Tessa since she told you she screwed someone else and ran for the hills. In her defense, she thought you’d dipped your pen in her arch-enemy’s inkpot, or she never would have given Shane the time of day in the first place. Come to think of it,” he says with a thoughtful expression. “I know someone who’s gone through a similar situation. The dude was obsessed with this girl he’d known since they were kids, but she never gave him the time of day. Fast forward a few years, and she goes through a real ugly divorce. Loses everything. Her job, her home, half her friends, you name it. So, she’s down on her luck, and as fate would have it, she runs into Mike, who’s the CEO of a pretty successful company now. They start dating shortly after.” Carter shakes his head like he feels genuinely bad for the guy,and even though I have no idea who this dude is, I find myself getting invested. “So, Mike is over the moon, right? I mean, why wouldn’t he be? He finally got the girl of his dreams. Treats her like a goddamn queen and ends up offering her a high-paying job, which she graciously accepts. Everything is fine and dandy. Things are going great. Or so he thought, because a few months later, Mike found out she started banging his secretary the second her benefits kicked in. Pretty damn convenient, if you ask me.”
I give him a slow blink and we stare at each other for a prolonged moment before I have to ask. “How the fuck does that even remotely apply to my situation?”
Carter looks as confused as I feel. “You know, now that I’m hearing it out loud, I’m also noticing a lack of similarities. But never mind all that,” he rambles on, dismissing my incredulous look in favor of arranging celery stalks like it’s a lost art. I take a calming breath and dig deep, mustering up some much-needed patience. I have a feeling I’ll need it for whatever comes out of his mouth next.
“The point is,” he continues. “You’ve been holding on to this all-consuming anger for years, and then you thought you were finally over her. Suddenly, she’s back—looking better than ever, I might add—and it becomes glaringly obvious that you’re not. I mean, dude, you haven’t been able to keep your eyes off hersince you got here, and I know you’re beating yourself up over it. You took a step in the right direction by clearing the air and getting some answers. Now, give it some time. Let it marinate. Stop overanalyzing, get back out there, and enjoy yourself. I promise everything else will sort itself out.”
I huff out a breath, observing Tessa through the big bay window overlooking the yard as she shares a carefree laugh with the new woman in my life. Lost in my own head, I watch them interact for a few moments, cursing under my breath when I realize it’s not my girlfriend holding all my attention. Dammit, maybe Carter’s right. Maybe it’s time to stop trying so hard. Maybe I simply have to let go and just let things fall where they naturally want to go.
If I’ve learned one thing through my many years of therapy, it’s that control is an illusion. The heart wants what the heart wants, and there’s no point in lying to myself. I haven’t moved on; frankly, I don’t think I want to. What I want is to go out there, throw Tessa over my shoulder, and show her that she’s still the only girl that sets my blood on fire. I want to lock us in a room and give her all the orgasms she’s missed out on for the past seven years until she understands that this thing between us will never be over. And doesn’t that make me feel like a real dick, considering I’m here with someone else. Someone who’s kind, and fun, and way too good forme. Someone who doesn’t deserve her date to eye-fuck his ex while she’s sitting right beside him.Ugh, I’m the worst.
Once I grow a pair and rejoin the party, following Carter outside and heeding his advice to ‘get back out there and enjoy myself’, it doesn’t take five minutes for me to regret my choices.
“So, Tessa,” Bobby’s wife, Jane, says with a wry smile. “Word on the street is you and Jake are high school sweethearts. I bet you have some stories to tell. Bobby and I relocated here about five years ago, so we’re fairly new to the crew. Getting the inside scoop on this guy might come in handy if my husband ever works up the courage to ask for a raise.” Jane winks at me, and I force a chuckle, trying my damnedest to keep the cringe off my face. Talking about my past will never be something I’m comfortable with, and almost everyone at this table knows it.
As much as I like Bobby and his wife, they’re busybodies who don’t know how to keep their noses out of other people’s business.
“Not much to tell,” I say, grabbing a handful of chips and shoving them in my mouth to hide my discomfort. “I was a saint back in the day.”
Tessa’s unladylike snort draws everyone’s attention. “You were many things back in the day, but a saint you were not.”
“Word,” Megan blurts, clinking her wine glass to Tessa’s.
“I see how it is. I babysat your kids for years whenever you and your husband needed some one-on-one time, and the second your BFF is back, you throw me under the bus? Sorry, man, but your blue balls are no longer my concern,” I inform my buddy, shooting him an apologetic look. “Looks like my days as a free childcare provider are over. You can thank your wife for it.”
Megan swallows hard before she gives me a placating smile. “Jake. Honey. You know you’re my favorite person. Sorry, girlfriend,” she adds for Tessa’s sake, who waves the apology off with a flick of her hand. “I meant to say the wordsaintdoesn’t do the person you used to be justice. If I had to describe adolescent Jake, I’d probably go with something like, total legend, life of the party, the brooding rebel every girl at school wanted to get with.”
“Alright, baby. Have some respect for yourself. For God’s sake,” Carter shakes his head like he’s utterly disgusted with her antics, but the amused twinkle in his eyes says otherwise. “You don’t have to butter him up. It’s not necessary. If I want to have a private moment with my wife, Jake will gladly volunteer to look after our delightful offspring. You know why?” Carter looks me right in the eye as his lips twist into a sardonic smile.
“Do tell,” Bobby prompts, leaning forward and damn well salivating at the prospect of a juicy bit of gossip.
“I’ve known this guy since before we were able to wipe our own asses. I know more embarrassing stories about him than anyone, and if I so much as notice the slightest discoloration to my testicles, I won’t hesitate to spill each and every one. Starting with the reason you stopped your tutoring sessions with good old Mrs. Sweeney.”
I choke on my drink, coughing and sputtering so violently it prompts Rich into action, who thumps me on the back until the worst has passed.
“You wouldn’t,” I wheeze out once I find my voice again.
My best friend smirks. “Fuck around and find out.”
We stare at each other for several long moments before I scoff and sink back into my seat. “You’re bluffing.” Carter matches my relaxed body language and drapes an arm around his wife’s shoulders before he inspects his fingernails and says, “So, one day, Jake asks me to meet him at his tutor’s house, and I don’t bother knocking because the front door’s ajar. And as I’m walking into the living room, I get a front-row seat to Mrs. Sweeney reaching for…”
“Alright,” I shout, face burning with humiliation as I remember the horror of that day. Mrs. Sweeney was my forty-nine-year-old math tutor. I saw her once a week for a couple of months, back when I was at risk of repeating senior year. Let’s just say my dad paid her to get my grades up. She was more interested in gettingsomething else up. I had just turned eighteen and was very much devoted to Tessa at the time. The fact that she was older than my mother and looked like she could chew me up and spit me out made me very uncomfortable. I did my best to fight off her inappropriate advances. But that day, she was more determined than usual. Carter showed up just in time to witness her reach for the crown jewels while simultaneously shoving her tongue up my ear canal. I remember his bug-eyed expression like it was yesterday as he stood in the doorway with his jaw on the floor, not knowing what to do. I jumped off the couch like my ass was on fire before I politely informed her that her services were no longer needed.
My dad was beyond pissed when I told him I wouldn’t be going back, but for once, I didn’t give a damn. Ten horses couldn’t have dragged me back into the clutches of that horny old hag. She hasn’t changed a bit, either. Just the other week, I had the misfortune of running into her at the local post office, where she’d promptly pinched my butt and told me to give her a call if I ever found myself curious about being with arealwoman. I shudder, remembering the predatory gleam in her eye before I give my best friend a look that promises retribution. “Message received. Loud and clear,” I say through gritted teeth. “I can’t believe you went there, you backstabbing son of a bitch.”
Carter shrugs, showing little remorse, as he pulls Megan closer into his side. “I have three kids under eight. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to ensure my lady receives the love and attention she deserves. Remember that the next time you threaten to cockblock me.”
“Remind me why we’re friends again?”
“Because,” he says, flashing me a shit-eating grin. “I may know all your dirty, little secrets, but you also know I’ll take them to the grave as long as you continue to look after my balls. Wait, that came out wrong.” His cheeks heat when the entire table breaks out into boisterous laughter.
“So, what happened with Mrs. Sweeney?” Dave fishes, and I want to slap him upside the head for once again steering the conversation to an event in my life I’d rather not think about, let alone rehash with my employees.
“Not a chance,” I snap, and don’t even feel bad when the excitement in his eyes dies a quick death and he folds his arms across his chest like a disgruntled toddler.You see what I have to put up with?
“So, Jake was a bad boy, huh?” This from Bobby, who must’ve realized the Sweeney story has run its course but hasn’t yet given up on discovering at least one skeleton in my closet.
