Page 52 of Mountain Freedom
“I wish someone would have shown up for you,” she said softly.
I nodded, trying to squash down the old hurts. “You know people called, made reports. But everything was always dismissed because the investigators were too busy, too pulled in a million directions. Mom would cover for him, and Russell would talk his way out of it. Couldn’t lose his errand boy—or his punching bag.”
“What changed?” she asked, tilting her head. “Was it because it was your mother who reported him?”
The memories of it all brought a swell of emotion I tried to avoid. “Nah. Timing wise, I’m pretty sure it was her, but the report was anonymous. The difference this time was a sheriff’s deputy who made it her mission to make sure Russell could never get his hands on me again. She left no stone unturned in her investigation. Pressed criminal charges against him. And even though he managed to weasel out of those, she showed up at every one of my court dates. I’d have gone straight back into his hands if not for her.”
“Is that why you became a detective?” She looked at me like she was beginning to understand.
I nodded, slowly. “Yeah. One reason, anyway. I want to be that person for other people. The one who doesn’t give up.”
She reached out and placed her hand on my arm. “You’re a good one. Rosemary Mountain is lucky to have you. That kid is lucky to have you.I’mlucky to have you.”
I looked at her and knew we had to have a conversation I’d been hoping to avoid—a conversation that would slice my chest open and rip my heart out. But it had to happen. Because I couldn’t deny my feelings or ignore how close we were getting. And if we kept getting closer, I was going to cross a line and lose her altogether.
“Allison,” I said, looking down at my shoes. “I’ve told you how I feel about relationships.”
“You have.” Her voice was small.
“But I’m attracted to you,” I said, confessing it like it was a mortal sin. “No, it’s more than that. More than just attraction. I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. But today just showed me why I have the rules I have. You needed me—you calledmeinstead of nine-one-one.”
“And you answered,” she said, a look of sadness crossing her face like she knew what was coming.
“I did,” I confirmed, “but what if I hadn’t? What if I had stayed at work even an hour later? It happens, you know. Sometimes I’m there all night. I work long, crazy hours. I can’t be the person you depend on, no matter how much I want to be. You deserve more than that.”
She leaned her head back, staring at the ceiling as she took a deep breath. “I have one request.”
“What?”
“Stop worrying about what you think I need.”
“But—”
Allison interrupted me. “I mean it, Jackson. It seems like all you do is worry about what everyone else needs from you. But I’m a big girl. Was I disappointed to not have dinner with you tonight? Yeah, I was, because I enjoy spending time with you. But I understand how important your job is. I’m adoctor. You think I’m available all the time? I know what it’s like to be on call, to pull double shifts, all of it. And tonight, if you hadn’t answered? I would have called nine-one-one. So you can stop worrying about me.”
I stared at her. “I don’t know how to stop worrying about you.”
She gave me a little half smile. “So you can worry about me a little. But…”
“But what?”
This time she was the one to look like she had something life-changing to tell me. “Jackson, I have feelings for you, too. But isthat really so bad? What if… What if we gave this a shot? A real shot. I think… I think we would be good together.”
My heart nearly stopped. Allison Bell was offering me everything I had ever wanted. It was almost too much, like someone had presented me with a chest of jewels. For a split second, I wondered if it was possible. I saw a vision of a future together, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
But it was immediately clouded out by Russell’s face.My blood runs through your veins, boy, and don’t you forget it. Don’t matter what you do, or who you try to be. You’re a Sharp. Blood don’t lie.
I knew I couldn’t. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Allison.” More sorry than I could possibly say. “You’re the only real friend I have who knew me back then. The only one who knows the whole me, past and present. Your friendship means everything to me. I won’t risk it for anything.” My voice got thick. “And I could never give you everything you want. Everything you deserve. Not with my job, or…or with Russell’s blood running through me.”
She looked at me with sadness. “Jackson, when are you going to stop selling yourself short?”
“You’re the one selling yourself short if you think you want to be with me.”
She shook her head, clearly angry at my words. “So that’s it, then? We have feelings for each other, we’re obviously compatible, we’re best friends, but you’re saying there’s no chance of us making it work?”
“No chance,” I said, keeping my voice firm, even though every part of me wanted to hope it was possible.
“Okay,” she said in a voice that somehow seemed even more defeated than earlier. She slapped her hands down on her knees and leaned her head back, staring at the ceiling. “I’m really tired. I know it’s early, but I feel like I’m crashing. I need to go to bed.”
