Page 70 of There's No Us Without You
Nothing.
Rubbing a hand over my face, I head to the lounge room and lean over the couch to switch the lamp off.
A soft inhale followed by a long exhale has me pulling back. Eden is curled up on the couch, her face squished against apillow, one hand under her cheek, and the other gripping the TV remote to her chest.
I move to the front of the couch and take a knee.
Christ, she’s so damn beautiful.
Warm and soft, and I imagine so pliable under my hands. She’d look so good on her knees, her dark hair wrapped around my fingers. I run the knuckle of my pointer finger over her full bottom lip.
The softness of her cheeks, and the peaceful look on her face, have me wanting to squeeze myself onto the couch with her just to feel her warmth against me again.
After an hour of lying awake last night, I finally fell asleep to the sound of Eden’s slow breathing. This morning when I woke up, she was still in the same position, her cheek pressed against my bare chest, one arm wrapped around my waist.
I’ve never once slept next to another person I wasn’t intimate with—except Emerson.
It took five minutes to pry myself from underneath her and then I crept out like I was performing my very first walk of shame.
Except there was no shame, at least not because of Eden.
It was all guilt.
Guilt because I’m an arsehole.
Guilt because I’m unable to open up to anyone, even though there are two people I want nothing more than to let see me for who and what I really am...
Fucked up.
I should just leave Eden here. Forget about the tightness in my chest I woke up with this morning.
The type that only ever used to happen around Emerson.
Most people would probably see a doctor for something like that, but I know the feeling well, and it’s nothing physical. It’s all mental.
The thought of sleeping alone has my brain scrambling. There are plenty of reasons being in bed with Eden again is the worst decision yet.
With my mind made up, I push to my feet, shoving a hand through my hair and turning towards the stairs. Eden is taking up all my brain power. I don’t like it.
When I reach the staircase, she stirs, and a soft whimper followed by a small cough smacks me in my traitorous back. I freeze, my foot planted firmly on the bottom step. With a shake of my head, I squeeze my eyes shut. If I’m going to do this, then let’s just get it over and done with.
Who the hell am I kidding? The harder I fight my attraction to Eden, the deeper she crawls under my skin. I’ll have to peel it off just to unravel her from every cell of my body. I thought it was only Emerson who could make me this insane, but how wrong was I?
I’m almost done trying to fight whatever it is I’m destroying myself over. I wish Emerson was here so I could talk to him about it. Tell him I’m so fucking in love with him. I have been since the moment he flicked a pencil at me in seventh grade.
I still have that pencil.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I stalk back into the lounge room and release the remote from Eden’s grip, then scoop her into my arms.
Her head lolls to the side, making her stir again. When her eyes flutter open slightly, she presses a hand to my cheek. “Will?” Her voice is soft, just above a whisper.
“It’s me. I’ve got you.”
Always.
She hums out a sigh and closes her eyes again, rubbing her cheek against my collarbone.
When I reach my room, the door is slightly ajar, so I push it open with my foot, then kick it closed behind me. Slowly, I lower Eden onto my bed and pull the covers up to her waist.
