Page 47 of Tainted Love
“She was dead, right? I mean, there’s no way she could have survived?”
“No chance. Madeline made sure of that.”
My blood runs cold at his casual use of our foster sister’s name. Oli and I have never spoken about what happened in foster care. Not to each other, and not to anyone else. She doesn’t know about the secret I’m keeping. Oli was sick in bed that night, and I’ve never been more grateful. We both have our scars from that time, but we survived. We got out of there. But Jas wasn’t so lucky.
“Why are you dredging this all up?” Benny asks, scratching at his face. “It’s been six years. We agreed what happened that night would remain buried with her.”
“Jas,” I choke out. “Her name was Jas.”
“I know that!” Benny shouts, losing his cool. He squeezes his eyes shut and remains silent for a few deep breaths beforeopening them again. “I fuckingknowthat,” he grits out. “You think I haven’t seen her fucking face every night for the last six years? Why do you think I self-medicate? I haven’t dealt with what we did that night.”
“We didn’tdoanything.”
“Exactly. We didn’t do anything, and Jas died because of it. What do you want me to say, Elias? She’s dead. We buried Jas in that shallow grave, and we letherget away with murder.”
“Them,” I correct him. “We letthemget away with murder.”
He holds his hands up. “I’m not arguing with you there. Madeline may have held the knife, but Nick restrained Jas while you and I did nothing.”
“We were teenagers—only sixteen and seventeen.” I feel like my throat is closing over.
“So were they.”
“What the hell were we supposed to do?”
Benny sighs. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know, but I’ve lived with the guilt of that night for six years. Fuck, Sam even took his own life over it.”
My eyes widen. “He did?”
He nods. “About two months after you and Oli left. Greg and Kathy were beside themselves. After thinking Jas had run away, and then Sam taking his own life … as far as I know, they never fostered after us.”
I’m stunned into silence at that revelation. I recall our conversation sitting at the top of the stairs three days later as we watched the Ferguson’s talk to the police.
“I still can’t fucking believe how quick they were to call of the search for a runaway teenager,” Benny says, shaking his head.
I grunt. Madeline knew exactly what to do to redirect their attention. I still have no idea how she managed to forge the letter she “found” in her room. It claimed Jas was leaving to live with her older boyfriend, and there was a photo with the letter I’dnever seen before. It looked like it had been taken not long before Jas came to stay with the Ferguson’s. Madeline said she found them both between the pages of a book.
The police asked if we knew anything about who this guy might be, but considering the letter was a figment of Madeline’s imagination and no one had seen the photo before, we couldn’t give them any information.
I rushed into the bathroom to vomit my guts up after it was my turn to talk to them. The guilt of what we did is eating me up inside.
“I guess a deadbeat foster kid going missing is not high on their priority list,” Benny continues as we watch the cops walk back to their car. Greg wraps his arm around Kathy’s shoulder, comforting her.
“Well, I won’t say I’m not happy about that.” I tell Benny. “I always worried about how many other boys fell into Madeline’s web.”
“Look, man.” Benny lights up a regular cigarette. “Are you going to let me know why you’re on my doorstep, making me rehash the worst night of my life?”
“Do you still speak to Nick?”
“Doyou?”
“He’s not my brother.”
“He stopped being my brother that night.”
“How do I know if I can trust you?”
He shakes his head with a chuckle. “You came to me, Elias. If you thought I was still in contact with him, would you have done that?”
