Page 104 of Prove Me Wrong
I glance back at Mum, who is staring at me like a goldfish. Mouth parted, dark eyebrows slightly raised, fingers meshed together on top of the table. She’s been staring at me for a few minutes now, not breathing a word, like her mind is still processing what I finally had the confidence to tell her.
“Mum?” I murmur, trying to break her out of the trance I’ve put her in. “Mum?”
“Mia.” Her voice is barely audible, cracking like a broken record, her eyes pink from unshed tears. Reaching out, she holds my hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. It’s the first physical interaction we’ve had in months. I don’t know why her hand enveloping mine makes me emotional, but my chin dips, avoiding her gaze. My eyes fill with moisture again.
Letting out an unsteady breath, I press my eyes closed. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to tell you all of this. You need to know that I never meant to keep it from you, but it took me so long to deal with what happened. How was I meant to explain everything when my mind couldn’t even comprehend what happened?”
“Mia, you never need to keep anything from me,” Mum squeezes out, and for the first time in a long time, her voice is heavy with genuine concern.
My head shakes, eyes glued to my half-eaten breakfast that’s staring back at me, making me feel sick. “I know, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I already felt…”
Her hands tighten on mine again, drawing my gaze back up to her intense one. “You felt what, Mia?”
Sniffing loudly, I avoid the looks from some other customers glancing our way, the waitress clearing away tables, and new people walking past, focusing only on Mum. “I felt like I had failed you.” A ragged edge cuts at my voice as I squeeze out the words.
Eyebrows pulling together, I watch Mum’s face drop, the realisation hitting her as my rawness shines through the fog that was separating us. My stomach knots.
“You have never been a failure to us,” she says in a quiet but firm tone.
Pulling my hands from hers, I rest them on my lap, where they fist, trying to control my nerves. “You pressured me all through school to follow in your footsteps. You wanted me to be just like you, Mum, and when I didn’t want to, and told you I wanted to study graphic design, I could see the devastation written all over your face. It killed you to think that I wanted to do something else with my life. That I didn’t want to be like you.”
Mum shakes her head, disagreeing with what I’ve said, but I know deep down she can see the angle that I’m coming from. The redness coating her eyes thickens as she wipes her nose, pushing back tears just like I am. The last thing I want to do is break down in a busy place like this, to entertain the crowd of people in here enjoying their breakfast.
“I never meant to pressure you to the point that you felt like a failure if you chose something else,” she murmurs, pain evident in her tone. It makes my throat burn harsher. “I'm happy that you chose something, Mia. Although it’s taken you this long to find a position, you have done something at least.”
My jaw ticks as I tuck my lip between my front teeth, biting down on it sharply. “You never seemed happy. Neither you nor Dad seemed happy that I didn’t become a lawyer, and it hurt me. It made me feel like I was the rebellious one because Sinnett followed Dad’s footsteps. He was soproud of Sin when he was picked to play in the NRL, but neither of you seemed excited when I chose to study design. I can’t even remember you congratulating me.”
“We were happy, Mia. We might not have said it out loud, but we felt it. You were following what you wanted to do, and we knew that.”
I sniff again. “But you never said it. It made me feel like I’d completely let you down.”
Mum’s lips purse together. “I won’t lie and tell you we were thrilled with the idea, and it took us by surprise to realise that Law wasn’t what you wanted to do, but we were happy. You drifted away from us at that point, and neither of us knew what to do.”
“You moved to Sinnett,” I mumble before sipping on my coffee again, needing a moment to collect myself as the murmuring continues to surround us like we’re underwater. “Sinnett was your focus, and that’s when everything went down for me. I hated those friends I made, but my classes were so small that there weren’t many choices. I didn’t want to be one of those uni kids with no friends.”
“I know that, but they never cared about you.”
Nodding, my gaze lowers; the smell of my breakfast is enough to make my insides twist. “I know that, Mum. But I just needed to fit in somewhere. You two were so focused on Sinnett that I felt pushed aside when I was at home. At uni, I didn’t want to be pushed into a corner as well. I wanted to have friends to hang out with and talk with.”
Tear-filled eyes stare at mine, heavy with regret and aching. I hate that I’ve made her feel this way, but I needed to tell her. “I’m sorry you felt like that, but we never meant to push you aside. You’re our daughter, no matter what, and it—” She exhales slowly. My hands reach out to cup her shaking ones. “It hurts me to think that this happened to you because you felt like you needed to belong somewhere.That Ryan did those damaging things to you because you felt like the lesser sibling. I never wanted you to feel like that.”
“But you did. Maybe it wasn’t all your fault, but that’s how I felt, and I just wanted to feel something from someone that wasn’t failure. You and Dad have always put this stress on Sinnett and me to be the best, to be like you, because you did everything right. When I didn’t, I felt like I’d betrayed you,” I croak out, a tear sliding down my cheek. I hastily wipe it away before it reaches my chin. “Ryan at least made me feel important and wanted when we first got together. I think he could sense I wanted to feel loved so badly that he knew I'd be easy to use.”
“You are loved, Mia,” Mum rasps out.
I shake my head, forcing the lump in my burning throat back down.
“I know, Mum, but at that moment, I didn’t feel it. I felt so far away from you and Dad that it was isolating. Ryan could sense it because he said everything right, and I fully believed him, ignoring the small voice inside of me telling me to be cautious. My friends told me that it was a great idea to date him, and I wanted to fit in, so I agreed. I didn’t love him in the way—” My words catch when my mind trails off to Noah. His fluffy golden hair, chiselled face and stubbled chin. Brawny body cut so finely, sun-kissed skin, and the tiny tattoo on his bicep. My throat is so dry that I down the rest of my drink to quench it. “I never loved Ryan. It never felt right to me, and then he became possessive and controlling. It frightened me, and it got worse when I wanted to tell someone, so I didn’t.”
Mum’s face hardens, her posture snapping tighter as she wipes underneath her eyes, smudging her makeup. “Did he threaten you?” she echoes questioningly. I nod. “What did he say?”
“He told me he’d hurt me if I said anything to our friends, and that they wouldn’t believe me. He said he’d know if I told anyone what he didto me, and that he wouldn’t care if he needed to strangle me to keep me quiet.”
Her throat works as another tear drips down my face, and this one I don’t wipe away. I let it run down, reminding me of how suffocated I’ve felt, and the only time I’ve felt reprieve has been with Noah. “Ryan knew where you lived, and he said he’d break in and abuse you if I told you anything.”
“What?” she questions breathlessly. All I can do is nod.
“He knew you were a lawyer, and that you had the power to do something if I told you, so he scared me into thinking that he’d hurt you if I mentioned what he did to me. I just wanted to keep you protected.”
